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Memoir of a Spirit

Posted on July 6, 2015 - by Elisa Medhus

Many of us grapple with the thought of our own mortality. It’s a frightening unknown cloaked in mystery, but it doesn’t have to be. My son, Erik, took his own life just after his 20th birthday. Since he was 14 years old, he struggled with severe bipolar disease. On top of this, he had odd tics and learning disabilities, and all of this caused him to be target of bullies, even teachers. Of course my family and I were devastated, and my grief was compounded by the fact that I was raised by atheists so I didn’t even know whether […]

Bob Neimeyer: How to Grieve as a Couple

Posted on June 30, 2015 - by Robert Neimeyer

One of Open to Hope’s Board members, Bob Neimeyer, spoke with Dr. Gloria Horsley at the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling conference about grieving as a couple. “You’ve told me for many years that I don’t have to give up memories of my child,” she tells Neimeyer. Sadly, Neimeyer explains that one of the go-to strategies in 20th century grief culture in America is the idea that everyone needs to let go. “We need not let them go,” he says. Grieving is really a way of learning how to hold on in a sustainable way. Grieving is how […]

Franklin Cook: Suicide Survivors and Grief Coaching

Posted on June 28, 2015 - by Franklin Cook

Franklin Cook specializes in suicide prevention project management via a coaching business. He offers one-on-one support for those who are grieving after losing a loved one to suicide in a process he calls personal grief coaching. “People are very much in shock after a loss from suicide, and so one thing they need is good, compassionate care from those who respond, whether it’s first responders or it’s the minister” or anyone else. However, there are unique “must haves” when it comes to consistent caregivers over time. Getting the “right match” can make all the difference. “The reason why” is a […]

What is Strength in the Face of Grief?

Posted on June 26, 2015 - by Maria Kubitz

“You’re so strong.” If you’ve suffered the devastating loss of a loved one, you’ve probably heard the phrase. I certainly have after the death of my 4-year-old daughter, Margareta, in 2009. But what does it really mean, anyway? What exactly is the definition of strength in the wake of a loved one’s death? Chances are if you ask a griever and a non-griever that question, you’ll get very different perspectives and very different underlying meanings. When people have told me how strong I am after the death of my daughter – and many people have – they sincerely mean it […]

Tom Attig: Death Rituals and Traditions

Posted on June 25, 2015 - by Thomas Attig

Tom Attig’s book, Death, Dying and Bereavement in Contemporary Society explores the rituals, evolutions and traditions of how we handle death. He spoke about his work with Dr. Gloria Horsley of The Open to Hope Foundation during the 2015 Association for Death Education and Counseling 2015 conference. Together with his co-author, Judy Stillion, they decided that there were “too many old foxes in the field” when it came to this industry, and it was time for a refresher course. Talking about death and grief is uncomfortable for many in numerous societies, but it shouldn’t be. After all, it’s inevitable. The […]

Fatherly Influence: Transcending Biology and Time

Posted on June 20, 2015 - by Gretchen Kodanaz

The first time my adoptive father, Taner, tried to teach me a lesson was over green peppers that had formed a pile on the side of my plate. I was five years old with classically frustrating picky-eater syndrome, and I didn’t want those peppers. But being the new father figure in the previously single-parent household, Taner was proving a point: I was not leaving the table until I finished everything on my plate. Until that point, having a consistent and authoritative male figure in the house was a foreign concept to me. My biological father Rodney had unexpectedly passed two […]

Sheryl Sandberg Redefines Empathy in Eloquent Reflection on Grief

Posted on June 20, 2015 - by Franklin Cook

Sheryl Sandberg and Dave Goldberg Sheryl Sandberg’s recent Facebook post (bit.ly/sandbergempathy), written a month after her husband died, is a wise reflection on the rawness of grief — and a testament to the resiliency of those who grieve. Her heart-rending story gives us a hundred gifts, perhaps the greatest of which has not as much to do with the extraordinary things she says as it has to do simply with the fact that she is able to stand before us, plain and real, and share: This is how it is for me. Where she takes her stand, she makes room […]

The Relationship Continues, the Context has Changed

Posted on June 17, 2015 - by Paul Coleman

I spoke to Bridget, who nearly one year after her dad’s passing at the age of sixty-four was missing him terribly. She always had a close connection to her dad and was one of his caretakers while he was quite ill the year before he passed away. She believes in an afterlife and believes that her dad might well be “around me some of the time” — but she believed her relationship with him come to an end because he was not physically there. “Actually,” she said, “I believe we can still have some sort of relationship but it is […]

Running from Dad’s Death

Posted on June 16, 2015 - by Elaine Mansfield

“I need to see Dad,” I said to Mom. I stood in my parents’ bedroom. My mother’s clothes were strewn on the floor and the bed was unmade. “I’m in a hurry, Elaine. I have to get to the hospital.” “I know,” I said. “Take me with you. I want to see Dad. He’s MY dad.” “Elaine, he’s too sick. You’re too young.” “You’re wrong. I’m fourteen. Let me come with you.” We’d had this exchange for weeks. She hadn’t budged. “Mom, he’s my dad. Don’t keep me from seeing him.” She looked at me with tired exasperated eyes and […]

A Father ‘Hears From’ His Deceased Son on Father’s Day

Posted on June 15, 2015 - by Perry Grosser

Hi Dad, I have been thinking awhile of what I would write to you on Father’s Day, what I want to tell you, as well as what you need to hear. For Father’s Day, a day that you have never embraced since the loss of your father so long ago, God has finally let me write you this letter. Of course, it is your fingers doing the typing – but by all means, these are my words and thoughts – to you. First of all, I know you miss me terribly, and I know you will never get over that […]