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Why I Can Be Open to Hope

Posted on March 2, 2015 - by Sarah Kravits

I can’t always hope. But I can be open to it. When people are in mourning, those who care about them often search for some way to help them feel better. It’s awful to see someone you love feeling such pain. You want to take away the suffering, fix the problem, bring your loved one to a place of happiness and positive thinking. I’ve been that person, caring deeply for a grieving friend or family member, wanting to take them by the hand and pull them to a happier place. I’ve even tried to do it, in the most nonjudgmental, […]

‘Have Faith and Pursue the Unknown End’

Posted on February 21, 2015 - by Charles W. Sidoti

What life still holds for us after significant loss is one of life’s many “unknown ends.” You may be old enough to remember the 1960’s television game show, “Let’s Make a Deal,” hosted by Monty Hall. A hallmark of the show was that people sitting in the audience would dress in silly and outrageous outfits all trying to get the host’s attention in hopes of becoming the next contestant. The person selected to be a contestant would win a small amount of cash. He or she could either keep the cash or risk losing it for, “What is behind, door […]

Lent as a Verb, Not a Noun

Posted on February 20, 2015 - by Elizabeth Brady

In Christendom Lent, from the Latin for “forty,” is the annual season of fasting and penitence for 40 weekdays before Easter. But, as someone in mourning, I’m having a hard time thinking about giving up chocolate or staying off Facebook as anything as penitential as the sudden death of our son Mack, 8, on New Year’s Eve 2012. The standard preparation for Lent asks us to step away from our busy lives and consider our mortality: for you were made from dust, and to dust you will return. Until Mack died, Lent was a kind of intrusion into my busy […]

Grieving a Future I’ll Never Have

Posted on February 19, 2015 - by Maria Kubitz

When grief is new, it is excruciating and overwhelming. Many people get stuck in a quicksand of pain that is so thick and intense, it feels impossible to escape. As you struggle through those first few days, weeks, and months, you begin to be pulled so far down into it, you can’t imagine how you’ll survive. I certainly felt that way. I’m grateful that those days are behind me. And yet you do survive. Despite all odds, you wake up each morning. Your body still functions. You find a way to quietly camoflauge yourself within with the “normal” world around […]

‘Moving On’ vs. ‘Moving Forward’: The Preposition Matters

Posted on February 10, 2015 - by Michelle Jarvie

Have you ever told someone, with the best of intentions, “You’ve got to look at all the positives and try to move on”? Sure you have. I have, too. But not since I lost my husband and realized the toxicity that lives within both of those phrases. As Dr. Michael Lerner asserts in “The Difference Between Healing and Curing,” telling people who are hurting to focus on the right/positive things in life is extremely unhelpful. He writes: “It is much healthier, much more healing, to allow yourself to feel whatever is coming up in you, and allow yourself to work […]

The Fierce Tribe of After: Grief, with Attitude

Posted on February 10, 2015 - by Mark Liebenow

Don’t make the mistake. It’s not anger you see on my face. It’s attitude. My wife died suddenly in her forties of an unknown heart problem. If you don’t know what to say to me about that, if you feel uncomfortable when I’m around because I make you worry that your spouse is about to die, then stay away. You’re probably a kind and caring person. If you don’t know grief, then all you need to say is, “I’m sorry that Evelyn died.” Then I will know you care, but leave it at that. What I need are people who […]

Cartoonist Keith Knight on How Words Live On

Posted on February 9, 2015 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

Keith Knight is a “gentleman cartoonist” whose various, nationally syndicated comics are published in the Washington Post, MAD, Daily Kos, Medium.com, and the Funny Times. Visit Keef on his website and watch the documentary on his work. A vet’s rates don’t come down just because it’s a dying rat Don’t rate a deathbed experience by the number of words exchanged Use a smart phone to become your family’s personal historian He who laughs in the face of spiders is king Play back absurdities of the day out loud Immortalize the deceased with talk bubbles Your To Do List A vet’s rates don’t come down just because it’s a […]

Keeping Lost Siblings In Your Heart

Posted on February 8, 2015 - by Judy Lipson

I am a sister who sadly lost both my sisters. Although I will permanently have a hole in my heart, I am learning to embrace my beloved sisters to encompass an important place in my life. My sisters Margie and Jane are forever part of me, who I am, past, present and future. My heart is opening, and I am welcoming my sisters back into my heart where they truly belong. I suppressed the grief of my beloved sisters for 30 years. In looking at pictures of my beloved sisters and me, I try to recall the beautiful memories of […]

Years After Daughter’s Death, an Extraordinary Day

Posted on February 8, 2015 - by Randah Hamadeh

I have been to our university’s graduation parties several times since my daughter passed away, but they were never held in the same hall that her high school graduation had taken place at. I did not step in that building since her graduation eight years ago. I woke up apprehensive of what was awaiting me this morning. Everyone at home knew that I was uncomfortable. My son tried to reassure me that I would be all right as I kissed him on my way out with the gown in my hands. My daughter gave me a hug. Despite my feelings, […]

Writing the Gratitude!

Posted on February 6, 2015 - by Alice Wisler

When Daniel died, I wanted more. More smiles, more birthdays, more words, more experiences. Like any mom, I wanted my child to have a full and healthy life. When Daniel breathed his last, all I had was four years and five months and eight days. He hadn’t made it to five; he hadn’t even made it to four-and-a-half. We had more sunsets to watch, more waves to play in, more watermelon to drip down our faces. I felt cheated. My journal reflected my anguish and sorrow. I wrote day after day about how unfair this all was—for me, for my […]