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Help for Holiday Grievers

Posted on December 20, 2014 - by Mary Potter Kenyon

“So, what’s for dinner?” Twelve pairs of eyes looked at me expectantly. It was a simple question, not one that should have struck terror in my heart, and yet I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I cleared my throat, nervously fingering the blanket that covered my lap. I thought I’d done so well. I’d managed to decorate the house, make cut-out cookies, wrapped a fair amount of gifts. I’d gotten through Christmas Eve and the ritual of filling stockings and opening gifts on Christmas morning. I’d been so proud of my accomplishments. What I hadn’t considered, what hadn’t even crossed my mind, […]

Does Bereavement End? Deciding That It’s OK to Survive

Posted on December 19, 2014 - by Patrick T. Malone

My wife, Kathy, and I present a workshop for bereaved parents that we have titled, “Into the Valley and Out Again.” We conclude that presentation with some of our observations on our recovery and reinvestment. We believe that many of these observations apply to all forms of bereavement. So here are some excerpts from our workshop. A few years ago the Queen Mother in England died after more than 100 years of life. She was much beloved as the “Queen Mum,” and even before her death, she was planning how she would help the people of England recover from their […]

Holiday Grief and Nutrition

Posted on December 18, 2014 - by Marguerite OConnor

The holidays are an opportunity to enjoy family, friends, food, drink and customs, as well as ethnic, religious and spiritual rituals. In addition to joyous experiences, like giving and receiving cards, gifts and donations, the holidays can also bring feelings of sadness, stress, disappointment, depression and loneliness to the surface, especially when we have experienced a loss. You may have heard of someone celebrating a “Blue Christmas.” These interfaith services are usually inclusive of all denominations and publicly acknowledge that not everyone is “happy” and that many people are mourning during this season. Historically, people wore black clothes or armbands, […]

Play Helps Lessen Grief

Posted on December 17, 2014 - by Jewel Sample

My grandson, Timothy, pulls his hood around his five-year-old face with the strings left dangling down his chest and his coat unzipped. A sock monkey droops its body half way out of the lime green backpack that bounces along the gravel driveway. Cold drizzle hit us in the face as we hurry to the car and strap our seat belts in place. “I see you have brought a new friend along,” I say. “What is your friend’s name?” “His name is Hiccup. He is visiting me for a whole week, and then I have to take him back to school, […]

Getting Through the Holidays: Include Your Deceased Loved One

Posted on December 16, 2014 - by Lora Mercado

Many of us who have lost a loved one dread the holiday season. This can be for many reasons. Maybe the death occurred around this time of year, or maybe the traditions that no longer take place, leave a void and a sadness in our hearts. No matter what the situation may be, everyone else appears happy and joyful, and those of us who are grieving feel empty and alone. To help ease the pain, think about things you can do to include your loved one into the upcoming season. Consider buying a special ornament to hang on the tree […]

End-of-Life Decision-Making Is a Peace-Finding Mission

Posted on December 14, 2014 - by Julie Nierenberg

Be present. Be prepared. Be clear. Since publishing a memoir about my dad’s end of life, I received an outpouring of support from others who experienced the loss of loved ones in their own lives. Many sent heart-felt comments and poignantly precious memories. Some sent books they wrote as part of their own journey with grief. I am deeply touched and honored to receive the offerings of each new connection. Some weeks, I’ve received so many such word-gifts that I feel like the “Keeper of the Stories.” This distinction draws me to a new purpose: compiling perspectives that inform others […]

Holiday Letter to a Young Widow

Posted on December 13, 2014 - by Tambre Leighn

Dearest Heart, This season reminds me of endings, but also of a December long ago that was a beginning. After one of the most challenging periods of Gary’s cancer and time at an alternative clinic, he returned looking much healthier. With both of us rested, we could breathe, share a beautiful Christmas, and re-embrace each other and our marriage. We were more in love than ever. It was also the beginning of the end. Sometimes, it’s best not to know. If the me that’s now thirteen Christmases without Gary could whisper in your ear, I would share some insights to […]

Seeking Support After a Child-Loss

Posted on December 11, 2014 - by Lora Mercado

After a loved one has passed on and the funeral is over, the cards stop coming in the mail and it feels like the rest of the world has moved on. For the newly bereaved, this can be the loneliest time of all. Many times family and friends will pull away because they feel uncomfortable seeing you cry. Others avoid talking about your loved one altogether, when that is all you want to do. Hearing the name of the one who has died can bring comfort to the bereaved. After my infant son died, I was completely immobilized with pain […]

Seven Ways to Survive the Holidays During Bereavement

Posted on December 9, 2014 - by Doris Jeanette

If you have recently lost a loved one, you may think your holidays are going to be painful, difficult and unbearable. However, facing the holidays alone for the first time does not have to depressing. When you get depressed, you are not allowing yourself to fully grieve and feel your emotions. If you look underneath the surface and seek meaning in your grief experience, you create rich, deep and meaningful holidays for yourself. Take each day as it comes. One step at a time. Learning how to stay with yourself in bereavement will lead to better mental and emotional health […]

Connecting to the First Christmas

Posted on December 9, 2014 - by Vicky Bates

No money down, no interest and nineteen months to pay, the holiday season is upon us. No other holiday brings up so much emotion as Christmas. There is a rise in alcoholism, abuse and depression. No wonder we feel the pain of the loss of our loved ones at this time. I think about the simple story of Christmas. How Mary, ready to give birth, rode on a donkey for days in the cold, while Joseph walked along side to get to a town for a census. When Mary and Joseph finally got to their destination, the town was filled […]