“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” ~C.G. Jung I don’t know if it’s the time of year, phase of life, or just my peculiar vantage point, but almost everyone I know is going through some serious suffering. I’m not […]
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Our logical, analytical mind demands answers to tough questions. Chief among them is often “Why did this tragedy have to happen?” When our pain is great and our loss profound, we go to our mind hoping to find comfort in answers that are not forthcoming. We might be able to answer a question in practical terms, such as, “He died because of a car accident,” but we don’t have an answer to the more cosmic “Why?” Will we ever get an answer? Do we need answers? Our mind does need answers–at least it always wants to seek them out. But […]
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The bereaved often feel upset by the things people say to them. Of course, they often feel that nothing is a comfort and anything that is said is offensive. If we are feeling terribly wounded, words don’t comfort; comforting hugs or an arm around your shoulder feel much better. Statements and questions such as, “How are you doing?” Or, “Are you doing better?” or “It’s hard for me, it must be terrible for you,” do not feel good when we are in the shock of mourning. Here are a few other don’ts: Don’t say you understand when you don’t understand […]
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When my husband died, there were reminders of our life together everywhere I looked. Sweet, lovely memories surrounded me, and those memories gave me much needed comfort in those dark, dark, dark days of despair and loneliness. His favorite leather jacket hung in the closet next to my jackets and coats. His shoes lined the closet floor, and his drawers were filled with his favorite socks, underwear, and polo shirts. I would touch his articles of clothing, and whisper how much I loved him, and how much I missed him. It was a ritual I would do morning and night. […]
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On the snowy night of December 30, 2012, I was reflecting on the past year in my journal. I have journaled regularly since 1990, when I lived in the bush in West Africa and had little else to occupy myself during the silent nights in my mud brick house. I wrestled for a while as to whom I was addressing my journal, but eventually I realized I was sharing my thoughts and fears with God. So, I have written thousands of “Dear Lord” entries over the years. Curled up in front of the fire after the kids were asleep, I […]
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The very painful losses of loved ones can perhaps only be made less devastating by giving them substance beyond the devastation. Over time painful grief can be reshaped into something less confined to hopelessness and pain, and more open to faith, hope and healing; and anger and frustration into something less corrosive and more forgiving of self and others. If there is to be real purpose for life, death and human tragedy, I think we must seek it out and embrace it as a part of our own existence.
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Q: Why are holidays so hard? A: Holidays are reminders of family occasions and have, often painful, associations to events and people. They evoke memories, feelings and nostalgia for what was. It is helpful to do things in a different way at holiday time and to make plans to be with family or friends rather than being alone. Q: My husband and I had a troubled relationship. Why am I still grieving so much? A: Even in a difficult relationship, people grieve. We often grieve the loss of a relationship that didn’t have resolution. Any chance to redeem the relationship […]
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We had a big fight with our 17-year-old daughter Casey that weekend in January, 2008 – yelling, crying, slamming doors, saying ugly things we didn’t really mean. A typical teenage power struggle. I left her in a puddle of tears in her room cursing me, practically counting the days until she went off to college that fall. She’d been accepted at Bennington College in Vermont and seemed to revel in the notion that she’d be free of us. I didn’t take it personally. Just another teen mouthing off at her parents, trying to get under their skin. We were actually […]
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It is so easy to feel overwhelmed after the loss of a loved one. Routines have changed. Responsibilities have changed. Everything seems so different, and while it is true that nothing will ever be the same again, life does continue. Working through grief teaches us great lessons and broadens our vision as we discover not only that life does not end, love does not end either. While it is true that the physical body does not last forever, the relationship we had is still there. The love continues. In the meantime, there is much we can do to help ourselves […]
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Be present. Be prepared. Be clear. Since publishing a memoir about my dad’s end of life, I received an outpouring of support from others who experienced the loss of loved ones in their own lives. Many sent heart-felt comments and poignantly precious memories. Some sent books they wrote as part of their own journey with grief. I am deeply touched and honored to receive the offerings of each new connection. Some weeks, I’ve received so many such word-gifts that I feel like the “Keeper of the Stories.” This distinction draws me to a new purpose: compiling perspectives that inform others […]
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Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.
