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I Need to Say Her Name: Surviving the Holidays

Posted on November 4, 2024 - by Harriet Hodgson

Surviving the Holidays In 2007 my elder daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Helen loved Christmas and the first one without her was indescribably painful. I thought the second Christmas without Helen would be easier for me. It wasn’t. In fact, my grief seemed worse. While my grief has eased during the passing years, every bereaved parent knows holidays can spark grief again. We go backwards on the recovery/reconciliation path and may come to dread the holidays. We’ve lived another year without a child and there are more years to come. So how can we […]

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death

Posted on October 30, 2024 - by Cathy Seehuetter

Getting Through Halloween after Child’s Death On the evening I type this, the nip in the October air is a reminder that the major holidays are just around the corner. Halloween decorations have been in the stores since July and Christmas décor even as early as August. For those of us who are bereaved parents, siblings and/or grandparents this means the sooner they are “in our face” the longer we have the constant reminders that we will be facing the holidays without our child. Whether it is your first Halloween following your child’s death or years down the road, such […]

A Very Brief History of Crying

Posted on October 28, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

A Very Brief History of Crying In American pre-Victorian times (1700s-1800s), the expectation was that of moderation. That is, if you cried too much, it signified an excessive focus on the here and now and too little faith in the world beyond. In the Victorian age, people saw death as failure of medicine and loss of ties with family, which prompted many tears. Grief became expressive and often excessive. In the early 1900s, the emergence of World War I brought renewed restraint. Crying was considered a backward-looking emotion. Maintaining a “stiff upper lip” became the expectation in American society. Today, […]

Hope is a Muscle

Posted on October 28, 2024 - by Greg Adams

Hope is a Muscle Nicholas Kristoff doesn’t look away. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who writes about people all over the world who experience great loss. He interviews people in the middle of their suffering and shares what he has learned with the rest of us. And despite witnessing some of the worst of what humans can experience, he is not a pessimist. In a recent podcast episode of “Everything Happens with Kate Bowler,” he was asked if his family had a motto, and if so, what would it be? His response, in part, was this: “I think that […]

Does It Matter That She’s Drunk? The Grief of Alcoholism

Posted on October 28, 2024 - by S. Dione Mitchell

She’s Drunk “Wait! What am I supposed to be doing now?” from my mother during a board game. “So you don’t like gumbo?” […from my mother to a relative for the 10th time in the last 30 minutes] While solemn remarks are being shared about a matriarch of our family, an unsolicited and loud, “And you used to beat me!” […an untrue statement from the side of the stage in an effort to be funny, followed by uproarious laughter from her singularly.] Leaning over to pick up a Christmas gift from under the tree, down she crashed like a fallen […]

Keep Child’s Memory Alive Through Words and Celebrations

Posted on October 27, 2024 - by Louise Lagerman

Keep Child’s Memory Alive Four years ago, I lost my beautiful 23-year-old daughter, Keren. Therefore, I know firsthand how painful it is to lose a child. At first, I really didn’t think I would survive, and almost didn’t. I knew I needed help and reached out through the internet to find other grieving parents, who would understand my pain and grief. I needed to know that I was not alone. At that time, I couldn’t bring myself to attend a grief group, or even leave my house. I felt that I could barely stand up because I was so weighed […]

Grieving Through the Holidays

Posted on October 24, 2024 - by Catherine Tidd

Grieving Through the Holidays I know I’m not the only one who is feeling the effects of the season. Grieving during “normal” times is a full-time job. Throw in 2 or 3 holidays back-to-back and whatever milestones we might have in the middle…well…we’re all working on nervous breakdowns of epic proportions. I think one of the cruelest things about the holidays (and this may just be me) is that we’re dealing with something we used to look forward to so much. And it’s turned into something we can barely get through. My first Christmas without my husband was definitely the hardest. […]

You Know You’re a Widow When…

Posted on October 22, 2024 - by Linda Della-Donna

You Know You’re a Widow When You know you’re a widow when… At the end of a good day, you bust out crying for no particular reason. At the end of a bad day, you burst out laughing for no particular reason. And at the end of every day, you crawl into bed and sleep on His side. You refuse to throw away His toothbrush, His razor, His bar of soap. Because you think He’ll need them. The sight of His bathrobe hanging on a hook on the back of the bathroom door reduces you to tears, but you refuse […]

Five Myths About Crying

Posted on October 15, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

Five Myths About Crying Myth #1: Crying is a sign of weakness. This is truly a cultural attitude, not a truth. Crying is an individual response to a physiological, emotional, or spiritual state of being and is neither a sign of weakness nor strength. Crying for some requires great strength and courage while for others, not crying requires the same things. For some, crying or not crying comes easily. Myth #2: Crying shows you care. Tears are often used as a measure of how much a person cares. Because people don’t cry, does this mean they don’t care? Some […]

An Introduction to Crying

Posted on October 14, 2024 - by Bob Baugher

An Introduction to Crying Crying is a mysterious and often misunderstood phenomenon. As an introduction to crying, it can be defined as a way to express grief, pain, anger, joy or other emotions by tears, voice or both. We humans secrete a host of fluids that no one wants to see. Tears are pretty much the only secretion that people around us will tolerate; and even then, their acceptance of our crying behavior depends upon many complex factors. You’ve heard people say, “Crying is normal.” Yet, every day people are chastised, criticized, ridiculed and put down for their display of […]