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Keeping Traditions Helps Us to Keep Hope

Posted on December 18, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

My husband has been hospitalized for weeks, most of this time in intensive care. I visit him three times a day, an erratic schedule that doesn’t leave much time for Christmas shopping or baking. “I don’t care if we have a Christmas tree or not,” I announced to my granddaughter. “Putting it up is work and taking it down is work.” A frown and look of disappointment appeared on my granddaughter’s face. Clearly, she didn’t agree with my decision about the tree. “Don’t worry, Grandma,” she answered. “I’ll put it up.” Minutes later, her twin brother climbed the ladder and […]

How Do I Handle the Family of My Former Spouse?

Posted on December 17, 2013 - by Melinda Richarz Lyons

When I lost my husband, I didn’t realize how deeply that would affect other relationships—particular with his family. When ties are broken by death, relationships with former family members often change. Of course remarrying completely shifts things, but even if you don’t remarry, your relationships are usually different after the loss of your spouse. You will always have that bond of shared memories with your husband’s mother, sister or brother, for example. But their perspective naturally, is different from yours—depending on the relationship. Also, each person involved handles grief individually, and heals at a different pace and in different ways. Any […]

The Christmas Tree

Posted on December 16, 2013 - by Lisa Khuraibet

My mother was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer over Labor Day week-end of 2007. It was a startling diagnosis. She already had Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) and frankly, I figured that would exempt her from any further serious lung disease. I was wrong. It was a long fall, with visits in and out of the hospital. Her first stay was over six weeks. Treatment for the cancer took its toll on her liver and kidneys. We weren’t sure she was going to make it. But everyone underestimated her will to live and the fight in her; my mother […]

Holidays Don’t Have to be Harder Than Other Times of Year

Posted on December 16, 2013 - by Zander Sprague

The holidays are here. This time of year can bring all kinds of stress and anticipation for you and for your living children. Sometimes, just the anticipation can be the hardest part of the holidays. You may find that you anticipate that the holiday it is going to be difficult. You may anticipate that it is going to be sad. Indeed, it may be sad. However, it is important to recognize that Christmas, New Year’s, Hanukkah, Kwanza or whatever holiday you may celebrate does not need to be any more difficult than any other day. My sister was killed December […]

Researcher Seeking Las Vegas-area Parents for Bereaved Study

Posted on December 11, 2013 - by Gloria Horsley

INVITATION TO PARTICIPATE A research study is being conducted to gain a greater understanding of the experiences of bereaved parents. The purpose of this study is to expand on existing knowledge and potentially reduce the isolation experienced by the bereaved. Selected participants will include biological and adoptive parents, who have experienced the death of a child, and whose child was between the ages of 2 and 12 at the time of death. The child’s death must have occurred prior to November 3, 2011 and parents must reside in the Las Vegas, Nevada area. Each qualified participant, after consenting to participation, […]

For the Bereaved, a Difference Between Optimism and Hope

Posted on December 10, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

More than a month ago my husband’s aorta split like a garden hose. He had two emergency surgeries and, while they slowed internal bleeding, they didn’t stop it. My husband had a third operation, 13 hours in the operating room, and surgeons installed a Dacron descending aorta in his chest. Since then, he has had three additional wound-cleaning procedures. Unfortunately, my husband suffered a spinal stroke during the 13-hour operation. Sometimes I’m optimistic about his recovery and other times I’m pessimistic. I felt intense anticipatory grief and less hopeful than I had been in a long time. Where was hope? […]

Good Grief: The Holiday Edition

Posted on December 9, 2013 - by Katherine Ingram

Grief and the holidays are a tough combo. They go together about as well as peanut butter and pickles. Awful. Mourning a loss during this season of joyful celebration is an exercise in endurance and suffering. I know of what I speak: I lost my father, husband, aunt, and step-brother all in December—three in the same December. For a couple of decades, the advent of winter left me in a pall of bleak emotionality. I would have been perfectly happy if I could have skipped directly from Halloween to Easter. I would just as soon forgotten Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s […]

How Someone in Grief can Survive the Holidays

Posted on December 6, 2013 - by Avril Nagel

As the holidays loom, instead of the common anticipation and excitement, individuals who are grieving often feel a sense of dread. Common sentiments are, “How will I be able to cope with the memories and the heartbreak?” or “There is so much pressure to be cheerful and festive, but I’m not in the mood. I feel like I need to fake it.” The idea of facing the holidays without someone you love is painful and magnifies the sense of loss. Holidays are filled with traditions that may not seem the same anymore. It is helpful to plan ahead and create […]

Comedy writer Joe Janes on Truthful Memorialization

Posted on December 5, 2013 - by Nancy Gershman, LMSW

Truthful memorialization means talking about Mom stoically eating Joe’s tofurkey. Or Mom openly guzzling “horrible things” like caffeine-free diet coke in front of her vegan son. How Joe honors these mischievous moments and more when memory artist Nancy Gershman talks with Joe Janes, a Chicago-based Emmy award-winning comedy writer. Joe teaches comedy writing at The Second City and Columbia College and offers an improvisational writing workshop, “3 Plays. 3 Days. An Intense Writing Intensive.” Joe writes regularly for WNEP Theater and Robot vs. Dinosaur. Visit Joe on his website, joejanes.blogspot.com. Cracking up at a funeral is good for you How to pick a person to sit with the dying […]

After Eight Years, It’s Getting Better at the Holidays

Posted on December 4, 2013 - by Christine Thiele

Thanksgiving is here. I am grateful for many, many things. Every day I count my blessings…really. My life is pretty, dang good most days. Sure I have struggles and challenges, everyone does. Widowed and non-widowed alike will have moments of acute gratitude and acute pain. It is what it is. People have joy and sorrow in their lives every, single day….holiday or not. I’m getting better at holidays. Over eight years of practice now and I don’t feel completely taken down by them. This is my ninth Thanksgiving widowed. It is my boys ninth Thanksgiving without their dad. When I […]