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After Oklahoma

Posted on May 21, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

When unexplainable things happen, as they did in Oklahoma this week, it would be easy to be angry, or even afraid, but anger and fear come from darkness, and what we need now is light. So let’s keep holding the light we have come to know and cherish so much. Let’s send out the light and it will find all those who need it. In difficult times, it may seem there is nothing we can really do to make a difference, but that is not true. We can stand in the light, and we can hold that light for others. […]

Oklahoma Tornadoes: Even in Tragedy, the Power of Good over Evil

Posted on May 21, 2013 - by Christine Thiele

I was a youth minister when the Columbine school shooting occurred many years ago. It was my first experience with public tragedy that affected youth directly during my professional ministry. As the tragedy occurred, I knew I had a group of junior high teens coming to group that afternoon. I didn’t know how many of the kids would show up, but I knew some would. I knew the kids would need a safe place to talk about what happened. I knew I would have to be sensitive and listen to what they needed, not inflict adult needs on them. I […]

Uncontrollable Life Events: Adjusting to Widowhood

Posted on May 21, 2013 - by Joan Haskins

It was about 5 a.m. on an Easter morning. It was still dark outside when I was awakened by a nerve-shattering noise, like a screech from a trapped animal or an uncanny moaning from another world. As I roused myself into wakefulness, I realized the sound had come from my husband, Dick, who was sleeping beside me. I stumbled from the bed and walked around to his side of the bed and gently shook him—thinking that a nightmare had forced his cry. There was no response. His body was rigid and cold to my touch. I frantically dialed 911, while […]

Celebrating Memorial Day – My Way

Posted on May 21, 2013 - by Sandra Pesmen

Around Memorial Day, many people go to the cemetery to spruce up their loved ones’ graves. They want visitors to see that they are nicely cared for. I don’t have to do that because I know I can trust the cemetery in Arlington Heights, IL, where our loved ones rest, to do it for me.But that doesn’t mean I have nothing else to do. I now have established my own Memorial Day ritual. I make a trip around our home, inside and out, following a path my husband used to take each spring. This year I saw a lightbulb outside […]

Anxiety and Fear in Grief: When Your Mind is Not Your Friend

Posted on May 20, 2013 - by Susan Troccolo

In the past year, I’ve lost two women in my family from cancer. I’ve felt the searing loss and pain that these deaths have brought, in part because I am in remission from cancer myself. Twice. Seventeen years apart. Because of that, I know a lot about how my mind works with anxiety and fear. I’ve learned to recognize different voices inside my mind; some voices that contribute to freedom and happiness and some that bind me up in a prison of my own making. Last year, just before my beloved cousin/sister/daughter/friend Jenny died, I recognized that I would need […]

Wanting to Date Again

Posted on May 18, 2013 - by Abel Keogh

Dear Abel, I lost my wife three months ago after a tragic accident. This may sound crazy to most people but I feel like dating again. Is it normal for men to feel this way so soon after the death of a spouse? What pointers would you give someone in my situation who decided to start dating again? Thanks, T. Dear T: You’ve asked some great questions. First, there’s nothing wrong with feeling the need to date so soon after the death of your wife. Though how soon widowers have this feeling varies from person to person, wanting to date […]

How to Keep a Parent’s Memory Alive

Posted on May 17, 2013 - by Mary Elizabeth Robinson

Losing a parent is never easy, no matter the circumstance or what segment of time in your life the loss occurred. The grief softens, but never leaves us. When holidays roll around, it is always a painful reminder of the hole in our hearts. The days without our mother or father are emphasized during their birthdays, and holidays like Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. After years of spending those times with heartache, I decided to manifest comfort and joy into those times by honoring my parents, instead of grieving them. We must first remember the connection to our loved […]

Going with the Flow

Posted on May 16, 2013 - by Donna Miesbach

We’re all familiar with the different stages or phases in life – childhood to youth, youth to adulthood, and so on. Those stages could never happen if there wasn’t change ~ every day. Like a flower unfolding, each stage has its beauty and also its challenges. Those constant little changes become part of the rhythm of our daily life and we really don’t think too much about them. It’s the “big” changes that tend to rock our boat. That happened to me when I lost my husband and both parents in a short period of time. Everything changed, seemingly overnight, […]

Grief Has No Borders

Posted on May 14, 2013 - by Sandy Fox

When I was in Brussels, Belgium, recently, I found a reference to Compassionate Friends (the organization for parents who have lost a child to death) and a couple’s phone number in a magazine called The Bulletin. I called the number referenced and spoke to a lovely British lady who has lived in Brussels with her husband for the past 40 years. She informed me that Brussels at one time did have a Compassionate Friends chapter but no longer. She does still refer those who need help to a chapter as close as possible and answers any questions they may have. […]

It’s The Simple Things That Matter The Most In Our Grief Journeys

Posted on May 13, 2013 - by David Roberts

Cemetery Discomfort I have always been uncomfortable in cemeteries ever since I can remember. My discomfort surrounding cemetery visits magnified one hundred fold after my daughter Jeannine’s death in March of 2003. Watching my daughter’s coffin being lowered into the ground during her gravesite service was symbolic of the end of her life, as I knew it, and the end of mine as I knew it. I have gone to the cemetery on a handful of occasions with my wife Cheri, only long enough to ensure that the flowers she planted were intact and that Jeannine’s sacred place filled with […]