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Grieving in the New Year

Posted on January 27, 2013 - by Coralease Ruff

he New Year is a perfect time to plan for self-care and work on personal grief. I readily admit that making a commitment to deal with grief is a big commitment, which will take a lot of hard work. But it can be done. I offer the following six tips on how to get on track with your grief this year. 1. Put a support system in place. Grief is not the kind of work that should be done alone. You are not alone and there are many people willing to help. The support can consist of family members, close […]

Losing My Sister: A Boston Vigil

Posted on January 27, 2013 - by Dorothy Foltz-Gray

Below is an excerpt from With and Without Her: A Memoir of Being and Losing a Twin. The piece begins the day my sister, a psychologist, was fatally shot by one of her patients. My husband, Dan, and I have traveled from Knoxville, Tennessee, to the Lowell, Massachusetts, hospital where my sister lies dying. It is past twelve, a starless night when we reach St. Joseph’s Hospital. A black cross rises from the roof cornice, and from inside, the dimmed lights of night duty add a blue cast to the windows. We are bending the rules, violating the regular rounds […]

Good Grief or Good Re-Grief?

Posted on January 21, 2013 - by Susan Reynolds

I had not readied myself for the upwelling of feelings. I had commanded the appointments, followed through with scheduling and now was returning for a follow-up medical procedure to the initial follow-up medical procedure. I have attended to many of these similar procedures when my late husband’s diagnosis lingered and continued until his analogous stem cell replacement failed. I had complained about the wait in the waiting rooms, mumbled under my breath about “cool” receptionists and old magazines and people waiting for your name to be called like a number in line at the deli. This time I was alone […]

Helpful Do’s and Don’ts for the Bereaved

Posted on January 19, 2013 - by Gloria Lintermans

Do call a friend when you are blue. Do water the flowers and take time to smell them; work in the garden, pull out weeds. Do something positive for yourself every day. Do get enough sleep. Do exercise daily. Do remember to take time to eat. Do think positive thoughts every day. Do spend time with family and friends. Do get as much support as you can. Do open the mail. Do treasure your loved ones. Do resist the temptation to run away from your pain by keeping yourself frantically busy every waking moment. Do journal in a notebook about […]

Does a Child’s Death Adversely Affect Marital Stability?

Posted on January 17, 2013 - by William Feigelman

Bereavement is a topic rife with stereotypical thinking among the general public. One often hears the view expressed that a child’s death may have damaging effects upon a couple’s marriage. Actually, the limited research on this topic does show evidence of increased conflict and marital discord among couples experiencing a still birth or a neo-natal child loss. However, little research has been conducted regarding marital stability after an older children dies, or when the deceased child perishes from self-induced causes, like suicide or a drug overdose. In our Devastating Losses study, my coauthors and I sought to explore this question […]

The Other Woman

Posted on January 17, 2013 - by Joyce Marie Sheldon

One day just before Thanksgiving my husband informed me that he was in love with another woman, just what I wanted to hear when my days and nights for more than 18 months had been in devoted service to him. And then, with a little smile on his parched lips, he identified the “other woman”. Her name was Reva, an older, southern lady of great compassion. She was an aide for Hospice and visited every other day at first, then every day as the situation worsened. At first my husband rejected Reva’s offer to bathe him and wash his hair. […]

Room For Change: Reassembling Your Life

Posted on January 16, 2013 - by Susan Reynolds

As time “slips” by in my healing from loss of spouse and I find my way to enter again into life, there seems to be more and more sliding from slide to side. I’m trying to find my footing on a path unexplored. It was easy being a mother, wife and co-creator of a family life. Two daughters, two cats, one dog and two parents under one roof. Consensus was not always the order of the day but we worked as a team, dreamed as a team and lived together for 23 years. When my husband died, the girls and […]

Silence, a Source of Comfort for the Bereaved

Posted on January 14, 2013 - by Harriet Hodgson

Speaking to community groups is something I really enjoy. My latest talk is called “What Can You Say to Someone Who is Grieving?” and it’s been well-received. I was about to leave the church meeting hall when a woman approached me. She had a purposeful expression on her face. “Your talk was wonderful!” she exclaimed. “But you forgot something. I kept listening for it, but you didn’t say it.” “What was that?” I asked curiously. “Silence,” she replied. “Silence as comfort.” She told me a story about meeting a distraught woman at a memorial service. The mother of the deceased […]

Beginning of Grief after Death of a Spouse

Posted on January 12, 2013 - by Gloria Lintermans

On May 22nd at 2:20 in the morning, my husband died. As I was sleeping in an armchair by his side in the hospital, his nurse gently woke me with the words, “He’s gone.” Reaching over, I put my hand on his arm, stunned by the coldness of his skin. As my world shattered into a million fragmented pieces, I softly sobbed, my head falling slowly until it rested next to his on his hospital bed. After a devastating battle of two and a half years, the ups and downs of fighting disease, his body had finally given out. The […]

From Threat to Sign of Hope

Posted on January 8, 2013 - by Reg Green

It was soon after dawn on the San Rafael Hills and I was on my own, when I saw looming out of the thick mist a lone figure. Luckily his back was toward me and for a split-second I wondered whether to creep away. I realized it wasn’t a man at all, but a cutout figure of one. But not just any man. A long, lean, dangerous man. And not just any long, lean, dangerous man, but Clint Eastwood. And he was in a smoldering pose made famous by “A Fistful of Dollars.” He stood there on the crest of […]