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Grief’s Good News and Bad News

Posted on June 11, 2012 - by Larry Barber

In my counseling office, spring 2011. Julia was inconsolable. For the first half of our session, she alternately cried and apologized. The preceding Sunday had been Mother’s Day — the first Mother’s Day she had faced after the death of her infant son. Julia had been seeing me for several months now and she was convinced that she was making great progress in going through her grief. Today, though, Julia was uncertain of her progress and even hinted that the last few months of counseling may have been an utter waste. Julia reported to me that Mother’s Day had been […]

After Son’s Death, Mom Creates Room of Her Own

Posted on June 11, 2012 - by Madeline Sharples

Early on in my grieving process, I felt that my house was my safest place, and I couldn’t wait to get back to it after being out in crowds. Other times I wanted to run away because of all the memories. In fact we almost moved to get away from the reminders. Now I’m glad we did not. Memories and reminders of what might have been are everywhere, not just in our home. Instead I, like Virginia Woolf, created a room of my own in the house where our sons grew up. Six years after our son Paul died, I […]

Loss is So Complicated – Unexpected Triggers

Posted on June 11, 2012 - by Laurel D. Rund

Loss is So Complicated…. My feelings of grief and loss are complicated and intertwined within my very being. After my husband Marty’s death in 2009, I wrote a poem called “Grief’s Cloak”. An excerpt from that poem came back to “haunt” me recently. “But wait! Was I also trying to outrun grief? No hide and seek here, it was up ahead ~ my mourning was not complete. Grief’s cloak is a harsh reminder that loss is real ~ it cannot be pushed away! And, if not accepted, even honored, it will clip my wings and leave me unable to fly. […]

Sibling Loss: Honoring, Not Forgetting

Posted on June 6, 2012 - by Dr. Gloria and Dr. Heidi Horsley

In the United States today, there is a natural, assumed order to the deaths we will experience in our lives. We believe that our grandparents will die first, then our parents, then our brothers and sisters, and then our children. However, that is not how it happens for thousands of people each year, and that is not how it happened for me. When my brother Scott and cousin Matthew, were just 17 yrs. old they died together in a fiery car accident. In a sense our siblings are parallel travelers in life, we have a shared history. We expect this […]

Three Steps in Recovering from Major Loss

Posted on June 5, 2012 - by Kimberly Kirby-Bass

”The bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you refuse to take the turn” – Unknown Bad things will happen in life: Often, we have no control over the things that happen in life. You talked to your mother yesterday and today, she’s gone. After a long illness, you lost your husband. You thought that you were prepared; but, the sense of loss is greater than you ever imagined. Often these events are so painful that we don’t know how we are going to go on. Well, what is in our control is how we respond […]

Reconstructing Memories After the Loss of a Loved One

Posted on June 4, 2012 - by Kim Go

Did you know that your memories are not like a hard drive in your mind? Memories go through a process of reconstruction every time we conjure them. When we remember something our nerve paths fire as if a fresh experience is occurring. And, memories can be amended, even added to! New information can come forward that might have been in the receding areas of your awareness. Many grieving people worry over forgetting their loved ones. Take this concern and actively work with it. I thought I might share a couple unusual ideas (aside from just looking at photos or reading […]

I’m Not a Couple Anymore

Posted on June 4, 2012 - by Melinda Richarz Lyons

On my journey through grief, I ran into so many unexpected things. It is overwhelming enough to deal with the sadness you expect after the loss of a loved one, but I think it is even harder to deal with the many unexpected aspects of grief. One of the things that took me by surprise after the death of my husband was the loss of my couple friends. Perhaps loss is not the right word—they were still there. But as time went on, they started to drift away. That was so painful for me, but yet, as my grief counselor […]

What is Grief and Mourning?

Posted on June 3, 2012 - by Diana Doyle

Shock Denial Sadness Numbness Disbelief Sick Longing Guilt Anger Exhaustion A piece of your heart forever missing. Grief and mourning have many different dimensions and emotions. And when your life collides with grief, and you’re knocked down by the sudden death of a loved one, the degree and power of grief is vast and all consuming. Grief seeps into every pore. Like a giant, it overshadows everything you do, everything you say, everything you feel. And, for a time, the ‘stop’ button gets pushed on your life and there’s no way to hit rewind….erase….fast forward! Yes, grief consumes your world […]

Adult Siblings’ Grief May be Overlooked

Posted on June 2, 2012 - by Brenda Marshall

Yes, it is dreadful for our parents when our sibling, their child, dies. Horrific actually, made even more so because we know. We see it in their faces and feel it in their words. We know because we may be parents ourselves and the thought of losing one of our children is unfathomable. It’s also awful for our sibling’s spouse and their children. We see and feel it in their faces and wonder how they will survive. And, it is dreadful for us too. We’ve lost our mirror, our confidante, in some cases our anchor and the person we expected to […]

Responding to Multiple Losses: ‘Power in the Broken Heart’

Posted on June 1, 2012 - by Terry Jones-Brady

The bare bones story of my life is this: I lost two daughters to a vile and nasty genetic disease called Cystic Fibrosis. My older daughter, Heather, was twelve when she died undergoing a bronchial lavage that was meant to prolong her life. My younger daughter, Holly, died twelve days following an unsuccessful bilateral lung transplant that we thought would give her new life. During those twelve long days, Holly was comatose. She was twenty-two when the medical team decided to unplug the equipment that were keeping her vital functions going. Five years later, my husband, the girls’ father, put […]