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‘Daddy Died, Mommy. Are You Going to Die, too?’

Posted on January 13, 2012 - by Anne Berenberg

When children lose one of their parents to death, they may worry that their other parent will die as well. This worry can also come if another person who has been very important to them (such as a grandparent) dies. What can we do to keep those worries to a minimum? We lay the first piece of groundwork for keeping anxiety from growing too large by helping bereaved children have a clear, understandable story about their loved one’s death that makes it specific to that person. What does that mean? It means using words the child can understand to tell […]

What Can One Fear After Worst Fear is Realized?

Posted on January 12, 2012 - by Mary Swick

My greatest fear has always been losing a child, and anybody that I am close to knows this. I spoke about it often, and the fear was so nagging that it ate away at my soul and wouldn’t let my mind rest. In fact, when my children were infants, I frequently had to talk myself out of guarding my heart, because my fear was SO great. It took a sort of power over my life that, at times, made it so I did not want to get too emotionally attached to my children for fear that if something happened to […]

Extraordinary Experience: Signs from Beyond

Posted on January 11, 2012 - by Louis LaGrand

Let me emphasize at the outset that I have been trained in the scientific method and hold a dutiful respect for science. However, I have no doubt whatsoever that many bereaved people receive signs or messages from their deceased loved ones or a Supreme being that helps them deal with their losses and reinvest in life. I was not brought up in a world of the extraordinary and have had no yen for the unfamiliar or the unknown. But all of that changed in 1981 when a 64 year-old woman came to me with a story of unusual clarity and […]

Gardens and Grief

Posted on January 10, 2012 - by Terry Jones-Brady

Do you remember when I told you how I love wild violets? I love them when their little purple faces first peek up out of the ground soon after the crocuses have thrust their heads up. Crocuses emerge in their amazing way, right up through snow, surprising us with nearly forgotten promise of color to come. Then the season progresses and we move later into spring. Miniature roses in hues of coral, orange and yellow bloom in abundance on my balcony. The azaleas have almost finished their glorious displays of fuchsia, pink, and wedding gown white. We are planting summer […]

When She Says, ‘I Have Cancer,’ What Do You Say?

Posted on January 9, 2012 - by Stan Goldberg

There are 12 million of us in the United States who live with cancer and the number rises every year as researchers find new drugs to extend our lives. Some of us hide our diagnosis even from trusted loved ones, while others freely share it for a variety of reasons. I’m sure at least once in everyone’s life they will learn that a close friend or family member has cancer. How will you respond when you hear, “I have cancer?” Often, there is an awkward moment when people hear someone is living cancer—or worse, expects to eventually die from it. […]

The End of Grief: ‘Are We There Yet?’

Posted on January 8, 2012 - by Debra Reagan

As I open the new 2012 calendar I purchased at the mall, I think about where I have been and where I am going. Is my life what I thought it would be? Absolutely not! Not since the death of my 20-year-old son, Clint, 6 1/2 years ago. After Clint died, I knew I wanted to find some way to make a good life for my family and myself. I was not sure how we would get to our new normal, but that was the goal. Many times I have asked myself the phrase many moms and dads have heard […]

Cat Offers Solace in the Grieving Years

Posted on January 7, 2012 - by Bobbi Emel

After my partner, Ruth, died in 2004, I found solace in a most unusual source, our sixteen-year-old calico cat, Daisy. Now, I know pets are often a great source of comfort to us, but Daisy was special. She was blind. I always thought I would need to take care of her after she suddenly lost her sight when she was about fifteen. “Sometimes this just happens to older cats,” our vet had said at the time, shrugging her shoulders. But Daisy didn’t really need any extra care. When I moved shortly after Ruth died, my cousin and I taught Daisy […]

‘I Can’t Tell Them I’m Dying’

Posted on January 5, 2012 - by Marty Tousley

A reader writes: I am married and the mother of three children. I have been told by my doctors that I have a rare and terminal illness. My husband and children love me and need me, and they do not know that I am dying because I cannot tell them. How can I tell the ones who count on me that I won’t be here for them? How can I tell them that I brought them into the world with love and tears, and now I’m leaving? My husband and children don’t know. I won’t let them know. Why should […]

Son Sends Signs that He’s Never Far Away

Posted on January 4, 2012 - by Patrick T. Malone

When our second son, Lance, was born, he quickly found the middle two fingers of his right hand served his well as a pacifier. His index and little finger extended straight up on each cheek creating the “hook’em horns” symbol made famous by the University of Texas at Austin. When his habit continued as a toddler, we would gently remind him he was sucking his fingers by saying, “hook’em horns,” and he would stop. Lance was killed in a motorcycle accident on Memorial Day May 29, 1995, at age 25. Two years later, his younger brother Sean married Jennifer and […]

How Do I Handle Unexpected Troubles?

Posted on January 3, 2012 - by Carl Mathis

When times are troubling, how do you handle it? 1: Choose something that makes you smile and makes you happy–then think about it on a daily basis. By thinking about it, it will program into you thinking capability, which will transform into you action, as a result you attitude towards that situation will change. 2: Realize that you are not the only one with unfortunate situations and circumstances, so don’t be so hard on yourself. In most cases, your situation may be small compared to others. Everyone has some kind of challenge in their life. Everybody is busy with their […]