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‘Our Loved One Has Died and We’re Still Here’

Posted on August 17, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

GRIEF sometimes comes like a thief in the night. At other times, it’s more like a slow moving train. Either way, Grief hurts. When someone we love dies, it creates a painful void in our lives that we aren’t sure how to live with and if we even want to live with. Grief often changes our relationships, the way we see the world, our ability to trust in the goodness of life and others. Suddenly we feel like a stranger in our own skin and perhaps in our own home, neighborhood, church, and work. It seems as though people look […]

First Steps: What to Do When Cancer is the Diagnosis

Posted on August 16, 2011 - by Joseph Nowinski

“Oh, Ruth, I think this is a cancer.” These were the words uttered by Dr. Hiram Cody, a breast cancer surgeon, after an initial physical examination of the wife of a fellow physician, Dr. Peter Bach. And with that simple statement, Dr. Bach wrote, “Down into the tunnel Ruth and I stumbled, into the strange, dehumanizing, aching, opaque and misunderstood world of cancer doctors and cancer care.” If the above captures the initial reaction of a trained physician, imagine what it is like for someone who has minimum knowledge or experience—which is, obviously, the overwhelming majority of people. I recall […]

The Light Switch

Posted on August 14, 2011 - by Louise Lagerman

I was thinking today about grief and child-loss, and it occurred to me that losing a child can happen as fast as turning off a light switch. Here we are going on with our daily lives living day by day. Some are happy days, some are not so happy days, but all the time thinking our lives will always be this way. Then, as quickly as turning off a light switch, our lives are forever changed. That is how fast our lives changed when we lost our child. We were thrust into darkness, not knowing where we were going. We […]

Son’s Suicide Reorders Family’s Life

Posted on August 13, 2011 - by Nan Zastrow

Spring forced its way into Wisconsin in an unusual way in April, 1993. It strangely marked the day with headline news: “Blizzard.” It was Easter-time…a time when the sun typically began warming the earth and tulips emerged. Outside my window a cherry tree with long, thin branches swayed in the wind. The branches loaded with spring buds supported dozens of plastic Easter eggs in bright colors suspended from ribbons. The sudden freezing rain and blizzard coated the branches heavily with ice causing them to strain and bend against the frozen weight. This bizarre scene mocked the event that had just […]

Visiting a Loved One’s Graves

Posted on August 12, 2011 - by Sandra Pesmen

When I was making lunch plans with a friend last week, she said she couldn’t meet Tuesday because it was her late husband’s birthday and she was going to visit him at his grave. I was touched because she said “visit him at his grave.” I know this is a pilgrimage she makes on their anniversary, her children’s birthdays, and other special family occasions. I also know it brings her enormous comfort because her husband is buried in Shalom Memorial Park in Arlington Heights, IL, where benches are placed strategically throughout the grounds, often beneath trees. The cemetery also provides tasteful holders […]

Supporting Military Families After Combat Death

Posted on August 11, 2011 - by Ami Neiberger-Miller

The devastating loss of 30 military service members in Afghanistan has left more than 300 people grieving the death of someone they love. Many people, even if they do not personally know the families of those who died, want to know how to express their condolences and support the families left behind. Reaching out to express condolences is a natural and heartfelt reaction to tragedy. TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, offers the following tips for those seeking to express sympathy and support to the families of those who died recently in Afghanistan: Be understanding. The surviving families are […]

Father Learns to ‘Walk On’ after Daughter’s Drowning

Posted on August 10, 2011 - by Patrick J. Murphy

Margaret Olivia Murphy arrived in the world in the typical manner on December 30, 2004, and she drowned on a float trip on May 24, 2009. Although dreadfully limited in quantity, Margot’s 1,972 days on earth had a special velocity to them as she made an enduring impression on countless people and places. Her curled fire-red hair, beautiful blue eyes, contagious smile, unbridled joyfulness, outsized confidence and natural strut turned heads wherever she went. Margot’s loving nature was a gift beyond description to those blessed to know her well. There was something electric about Margot – like you could see […]

Why Ask Questions About Your Grief Journey?

Posted on August 9, 2011 - by David Roberts

I recently had the honor of being the opening keynote speaker for this year’s national gathering of the Bereaved Parents of the USA. I spoke about the evolution of my grief and observations and lessons learned during the past eight-plus years that have helped me adjust to the reality of life without the physical presence of my daughter Jeannine. One of the things that I addressed was my need to ask “what if,” “could have,” “should have,” and “why” questions throughout my early grief, which was for me about two and one-half years. I say “for me” because everyone’s grief journey […]

‘Splendor to Offset the Gloom’ – Even After Childloss

Posted on August 8, 2011 - by John French

I miss my son, beyond imagining. Compounded by the memories that continue to amass. Additionally, the past has become a Menagerie. Expounded by moments that have already passed. As Time moves on, slow and emphatically. I can not bare to consider how long I might last. Because the loneliness is so immense, it is staggering. And the emptiness is exceedingly vast. It has been almost two years now since my son Brandon passed away. That in itself is confounding. In some ways, it seems like mere moments. In others, it has been an eternity. Grief is so overwhelming that it distorts my […]

What Grief Is, What it Isn’t

Posted on August 6, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

Grief doesn’t wait for an invitation. It doesn’t go away because you want it to. It always overstays its welcome. It isn’t logical or easily explained. It doesn’t respond to threats or bribes. It will not be avoided indefinitely. It will find a way to be noticed. Grief is not linear, horizontal, or vertical. It is not predictable. It is not confined by time or space. It doesn’t play favorites. It isn’t just for women and sissies. Grief doesn’t forget. It has an excellent memory. It cannot be gone around; only through. Grief is never really “finished” or “over.” Rather […]