Either way, Grief hurts. When someone we love dies, it creates a painful void in our lives that we aren’t sure how to live with and if we even want to live with. Grief often changes our relationships, the way we see the world, our ability to trust in the goodness of life and others.
Suddenly we feel like a stranger in our own skin and perhaps in our own home, neighborhood, church, and work. It seems as though people look at us differently, and we may wonder if we have suddenly grown two heads. Sometimes they just look away and pretend not to see us. We may wonder what we have done to cause this behavior. Someone we love has died; we feel so alone and now others seem to be avoiding us. Once again, nothing in our world is making sense.
We may look in the mirror thinking surely others must be seeing something we don’t, but there in the mirror is the face that has always stared back at us. That fact surprises us because we don’t feel the same any more. We seem to think and do things in very slow motion; our body weighed down by grief. It feels as though we have sand in our veins and cotton in our heads where our brain used to live. We may begin to wonder if all of those things went with our loved one on the day they died, our brain, our energy, our balance, our trust; our ability to connect with others, and to make sense out of life.
People may tell us to be patient; that time heals all things. We remember hearing those words before, maybe even having said them to someone. Suddenly those words don’t seem to make much sense or to help us in our grief. After all, we want to feel better now, not someday. And we can’t believe that someday will ever come. How could we possibly enjoy life again? Don’t they understand? Don’t they get it? Our loved one has died and we’re still here.
Deb Kosmer 2011