Deb Kosmer

Deb has worked at Affinity Visiting Nurses Hospice for ten years, the first two as a hospice social worker and the last eight as Bereavement Support Coordinator supporting families before and after the death of their loved ones. She provides supportive counseling, developed and facilitates a variety of grief support groups, including a well-attended group for men only as well as other educational events. Deb received her Bachelor’s degree in Social Work from UW-Oshkosh and her Master’s degree in Social Work from UW Milwaukee. She received her certification in Thanatology through ADEC. Her writing has appeared in New Leaf Magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone, Living with Loss, Grief Digest, numerous hospice publications and EAP publications. Some of her poetry on death and dying will be included in a college textbook for social workers in end of life soon. New Leaf has also used some of her poetry for a line of sympathy and anniversary of death cards. On a personal level, Deb's 14-year-old son died after being struck by a car. Her 31-year-old sister had died in a car accident eight months earlier, and her 56-year-old father died from a heart attack exactly three years before. These three unexpected deaths within three years started Deb on a journey she never wanted to be on and she learned first-hand the importance of having the help and support of others. In the years since, she has experienced other losses, the most recent being the unexpected death of her 44-year-old step-daughter who died from complications three months after routine surgery. Deb's passions are writing, reading, education, nature, and family. She is currently working on a book of her grief poetry. She recently moved with her husband to Waypost Camp, Hatley WI. Her husband accepted a job there as Property Manager and his position allows them to live on-site with acres of woods and a lake. She anticipates the quiet beauty to be a strong catalyst for writing.

Articles:

Open to  hope

Twelve Things to Remember about the Holidays and Grief

1. That I could not predict how I would feel or react at any given moment.  2. That as much as I missed my loved ones I would miss them even more during the holidays.  3. That my feelings were normal.  4. That I have a right to be sad. Someone I loved very much was no longer here where I could touch them. If I am angry that is okay too. Anger is a natural reaction to pain.  5. That taking care of myself and doing or not doing whatever I decided did not make me a selfish person. […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Time Stops After a Loved One Dies

When someone we love dies time stops. It does not take long for us to realize that it is for us only that time has stopped. We stand caught in a time warp while the rest of the world moves on. Gradually, we become aware of this fact and sometimes have shocking reminders of it, lightning bolts to our version of reality. Some days we may want to scream at the world and the people in it: “How dare you go on? Can’t you see I am holding on by a thread? How dare you complain about such ridiculous meaningless […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Anger is Natural Emotion in Grief

Lately I am angry More often than not Not out in the open In your face angry But silent subtle Under currents Of unnamed rage Assaulting me for Being held hostage By my silence. Most of us, if we are honest, will admit to having been angry. Some of us may be angry right now. While each of us may describe it differently, anger is one of those emotions, we, as feeling human beings, experience. Based upon our culture, upbringing, gender, religious beliefs, and a multitude of other factors, some of us are more comfortable with being angry or being […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Grief is Feeling Alone in Your Own Skin

Grief is one of the loneliest places in the world. When my son died, I felt every connection I had ever had was gone. I felt invisible even to myself. When I looked in the mirror, I was surprised to see my reflection staring back at me. I was surprised there was enough life in me to generate a reflection. Somehow I thought my face would be gone, just like my identity. In one life altering moment, every thing I had ever known or thought I knew was either unrecognizable or gone. My son had died and left no forwarding […]

Read More
Open to  hope

When Our Closest Loved One Has Died

She laughed at my jokes. She never forgot my birthday. Once a week, she made liver for me, even though she hated it. She made it anyway for me. She tied my ties. She told me she loved me. She never minded my cold feet. She made me laugh. She visited my mother. She listened to me. She was the one who always got the family together. She always asked me how I was. She asked me how my day had been. She forgave me for not being perfect. She was always there. Our bed was never empty when she […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Poem: Mother’s Day

Our last Mother’s Day together you bought me a hammock. I remember your excitement as I opened it and my anticipation as you gleefully put it together. We all tried it out of course, each of us one at a time, gently swinging in the breeze under the warmth of the sun. Later we both got in together Your sister snapped our picture. A year passed and another Mother’s Day arrived. The hammock still sat in the yard. The photograph of the two of us swinging together still hanging on our fridge. This year and every year after, I climb […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Grief Support Group Helps after Child-Loss

Without you, my world seems too big. I don’t know how to fill the space that was you. I only know sometimes I get lost in it. The space left by you seemed to mock me. It followed me relentlessly. It threatened to consume me. Well-meaning friends pretended not to see the space you left. Others tried to get me to ignore it to, to pretend it wasn’t there, or to fill it quickly with other people, other things. I tried to tell them it didn’t work that way. I tried to reason with them. They tried to reason with […]

Read More
Open to  hope

Shoes Bring Memories Years After Child’s Death

Sometimes no matter how far we have come, a moment occurs when we are blindsided again or subtly reminded that grief does not end. A moment that no matter how hard we try cannot be ignored. A moment that will reoccur again and again until we acknowledge its presence. Or a buried memory that resurfaces, insisting we remember it once more. Who would have thought shoes could hold such significance? We were moving for the first time in thirty years. I knew we had a lot of stuff, too much stuff, but I found out how much when I began […]

Read More
Open to  hope

How Grief and Winter’s End are Similar

Have you ever noticed that it’s hard to tell when winter really ends and spring begins? Just when it seems all the snow has melted and that there hasn’t been any falling for awhile, we get hit with more. Sometimes, it’s just a little and hardly lasts long at all. Sometimes it’s a blizzard and that cold wet white stuff is everywhere. When it’s light and fluffy, we can remove it easily. When it’s heavy and compacted it is much more difficult. Sometimes, not long after another snowfall, we wake up and the sun is shining and the air is warm and spring […]

Read More
Open to  hope

The Feelings of Grief

RAGE: This is an emotion we may feel when grieving but be reluctant to admit. When someone we love dies, we feel the raw wound of their absence. The raw emotions that cut like a knife. The raw gut wrenching pain. ANGER: The force of our anger may surprise us. We may be unable to contain it. We feel the anger that this could happen to us, to them. We may feel anger that it wasn’t us instead of them, at the unfairness of life. GRIEF: The paradox of grief is it is a kaleidoscope of feelings and feeling nothing at all. Grief exists in […]

Read More
Next Page »