1. That I could not predict how I would feel or react at any given moment.
2. That as much as I missed my loved ones I would miss them even more during the holidays.
3. That my feelings were normal.
4. That I have a right to be sad. Someone I loved very much was no longer here where I could touch them. If I am angry that is okay too. Anger is a natural reaction to pain.
5. That taking care of myself and doing or not doing whatever I decided did not make me a selfish person. It just made me human and was my way of coping.
6. That regardless of who gave it or claimed to be an expert at this grieving stuff; I was the only expert on mine; and I was learning one day at a time.
7. To expect the unexpected.
8. That regardless of how much others may care about you grief really is a solitary journey. They can walk along side of you but only you can walk through your pain.
9. That though others in my family lost that person too, relationships are not the same. It doesnt matter if we are both sons or daughters or parents or siblings; we connected uniquely in life and we will grieve their deaths uniquely as well.
10. Losses are not solitary but cumulative. When someone we love dies it can resurrect feelings about previous deaths.
11. That it is okay and usually a good idea to acknowledge the person who has died.
Some people do this by:
Hanging their Christmas stocking and tucking personal notes inside.
Buying a gift for someone in need or giving to a charity the money they would’ve spent on their loved one.
Helping the less fortunate by;
Helping at a soup kitchen or delivering holiday meals to the home bound
Buying a gift for someone in need or giving to a charity the money they wouldve spent on their loved one.
Keeping a candle lit throughout the holiday or at special times to honor their memory.
Making remembrance books or DVDs for friends and family.
Asking others to share their memories with you.
Doing something or making plans to do something that person always wanted to do but didn’t get the chance to.
Beginning a new tradition.
Purchasing books or music and giving them in memory of your loved one to the city or church library.
Decorating a small or extra tree in honor of or memory of your loved ones life, using things of significance to them, e.g. sewing notions, sports memorabilia, etc.
Inviting someone for Thanksgiving dinner that would otherwise be alone.
12. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Though I may not believe it or want to hear this and that’s okay and in time, I will be okay too.