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Tune Out Those Who Don’t Know How to Help

Posted on July 26, 2011 - by Sandra Pesmen

While chatting with a new acquaintance seated beside me at a dinner party, I learned her adult son died one year ago. Knowing what a terrible loss that is, and understanding that most people never recover from it, I said, “I’m so sorry. There is really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but please know I am very, very sorry for your loss.” She thanked me, then quietly asked when and how my husband died. I told her he died three years ago from Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, a disease of unknown cause with no treatment or cure. She immediately retorted, “Why didn’t […]

Years After Child-Loss, Mother Still Grieves, but ‘Moves Forward’

Posted on July 25, 2011 - by Maria Malin

Time. It is not always on our side, especially in the grieving process. Since losing my son eight years ago, I’ve heard many well-meaning folks tell me how much “time” I should be taking to heal. One month? Absurd. One year? A common marker, but certainly not common for everyone. We are told, “It’s time to move on. Time to get over this. Time to get back to life.” How much time is enough time to “get over” death? And can we ever “get over” something as life-altering as the death of our child? If you’re reading this, chances are […]

The Three Ds of Dealing with Grief

Posted on July 24, 2011 - by Shirley Wiles-Dickinson

It will soon be two years since my dear sister was murdered. Two years. Sometimes it seems like forever, yet most days, it seems like only yesterday. Over the last two years, I have worked very hard on myself. I have learned patience. I have learned to really not sweat the small stuff. I have learned to let go of things I cannot control. I have learned to make changes, healthy changes for myself. It is a process, a journey that we travel after losing a loved one. It took me some time, but the first thing I […]

Coping with Anxiety in Grief

Posted on July 23, 2011 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I was wondering if anyone else has experienced panic attacks following the death of a loved one? My mom passed away just over a year ago, and I’ve found that since then I have become prone to getting significant anxiety/panic attacks. I’ve always been a bit of an anxious person, but I never experienced any severe attacks until after my mom’s death. These attacks occur intermittently and most often happen while I’m trying to sleep. I’m home from work today because I had one last night, I didn’t get to sleep until around 3-4am, so I […]

New Life Begins with ‘One Good Moment’

Posted on July 22, 2011 - by Ron Villano

Had this happened a few years ago, it would have been a devastating moment. I look back on the years since I lost my 17-year old son, Michael, and I see so many important moments. All of them are a part of an incredible journey — a journey that led me to a special and incredible experience this weekend. I was at the wedding of my good friends, John and Kim, at a beautiful Catholic church in the Hamptons. Going to services of any denomination can sometimes make me emotional. On my way there, I passed Michael’s cross on Sunrise Highway. So, I started […]

Grandma’s Last Words

Posted on July 21, 2011 - by Heather Arbuckle

“You’ve always been strong-willed.” Grandma’s words stung as my wounded heart wilted for a moment. Searching for understanding, I shared my dismay at her characterization of me, her oldest grandchild, and asked her to explain. “It’s not a bad thing,” she clarified. “Ever since you were a little girl, you knew what you believed. And once your mind is set, it will not be swayed. You are strong. I have never worried that you would lose your way.” It was one of the last conversations I had with my grandmother this side of Heaven. Months later, she lost her battle […]

The ‘Elephant’ That is Grief

Posted on July 19, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

Last night I dreamt someone let an elephant into our home. I couldn’t get him out of the house but I tricked him into the basement by opening the door and throwing some food down. But people kept leaving the door open and there he would be again staring me down. I kept getting frustrated then angry with their carelessness and with him for being so big and immoveable. I tried to make them see he was going to ruin everything in the house and our lives but no one would listen. I was all alone with an elephant. I […]

Does Jesus Like Chocolate?

Posted on July 18, 2011 - by Lizzy Miles

She was staring at the glass of chocolate Ensure. “Annie” didn’t like chocolate but was so devout in her Catholicism that she did not want to offend Jesus. She looked up at me and asked, “Does Jesus like chocolate?” It was such a funny question and I stifled a laugh, because I knew she was completely serious in her inquiry. Fortunately, I knew the real question behind the question. Will Jesus be mad at me if I don’t like chocolate? I smiled and said, “Jesus loves chocolate, but he forgives you if you don’t like it.” She stared at the […]

Does Your Faith Condemn You or Sustain You?

Posted on July 15, 2011 - by Maureen Hunter

When someone we love dies, especially at a young age or by violent means, our whole belief system often gets a massive shake up. The certainty that we once knew has gone. That foundation we depended on is no longer stable and true. We find ourselves in a strangely altered new world. Our faith becomes a target and gets an overhaul. We want to know why, and we ask the question over and over. The meaning in our life has gone and we wonder what it’s all about anyway. We cannot believe that our God has allowed this to happen. […]

What Can One Do with an Empty Cup?

Posted on July 14, 2011 - by Deb Kosmer

I feel like I have nothing left to give. I feel like everything has been taken from me. I don’t even know where or how to begin again. Everything and some days even everyone drains me. If this isn’t the bottom, I am afraid of what is. The emptiness of grief. The feelings of grief. The death of a loved one. Inexplicably linked, painfully so. Some days, I feel overwhelming sadness, some days anger, even guilt. Some days disbelief. Some days all of them and then some days nothing at all. Our cup is empty. We have nothing to give, even […]