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I’m in Shock! But it’s Nothing Personal

Posted on January 2, 2011 - by Stan Goldberg

It was the type of conversation we’ve all heard, and then thought, “I’d never do that!” In a small restaurant north of San Francisco, I heard a woman loudly complaining to a friend about the ingratitude of a relative. “I just don’t understand it,” the woman said. “I tried to be helpful. You know, her husband is in critical condition, and she just about bit my head off when I offered to help. You’d think she’d be more appreciative.” Emotional Shock Often the term “shock” is used to describe changes in a person’s behavior because of a traumatic event. Nineteen […]

A New Year and the Burden of Guilt

Posted on January 1, 2011 - by Marty Tousley

Even if there is no basis in reality for it, we often feel guilty for what we did or didn’t do, said or failed to say, when our loved one was alive. In fact, this feeling of guilt in the aftermath of significant loss is so common as to be universal. Now, the beginning of a new year, is a good time to confront that guilt, understand it, release it, and move forward with good intentions. Guilt is a normal response to the perception that we’ve somehow failed in our duties and obligations or that we’ve done something wrong. It […]

Poem: I Met A Man

Posted on December 30, 2010 - by Douglas Colthurst

I stopped to meet a man today surrounded by his walker. He needed a little more space to stay a stable pace without a falter. ‘Twas to my pride but mostly luck, that I this time did not deny his slow and gnarled like gait through said passage that was mine to take. He had a little hat upon his head. Neatly folded and serenely molded. Cloth it seemed, instead of new, with sideways, tilted, falling off of head. In fact it seemed a shape to me faintly reminiscent of the sea. A simple shape, to be sure. As all […]

loss of child and husband

Posted on December 29, 2010 - by admin

I lost my 42 year old son to lung cancer in 2007, my mother 6 months later. My husband who had alzheimer passed away October 16, this year. I thought after so many months of taking care of him and watching him diminish I would be ready. The last day of his life we spent the day holding hands shopping, talking and enjoy evening of our usual ice cream when suddenly went into cardiac arrest. I am having a hard time coping and somedays I feel he is still with me and suddenly over come with grief. My friend and […]

‘Brant, I Don’t Want You to Go’

Posted on December 29, 2010 - by Lori Wood

I spent more than half that night at our son’s side. Only when exhaustion took over did I give in to sleep. I finally relented and slept on the couch in the family’s room for a short time. Early the next morning, I went back into Brant’s room, resuming my place in the rocking chair one of the hospital staff had brought in for me. I had a very calm feeling come over me as I picked up his tiny hand. I leaned my head toward the bed and put the palm of his hand flat upon my right cheek. […]

Michael’s Gift to Me: Feeling the Zing

Posted on December 28, 2010 - by Ron Villano

I purchased my third Christmas tree since I lost my son Michael in 1998. I’ve got to admit, this year I felt a little blue and a bit uncaring about the celebrations. I spent some time acknowledging that I do miss my son. I also miss my mom, dad, brother-in-law and others who are no longer here. And while it would seem that this would be the obvious cause of my blues, I found that it was only a small piece of a larger puzzle. Since I was still lacking that special ho-ho-ho, I began to check into other factors […]

Family Practices Teamwork After Husband/Father Dies

Posted on December 28, 2010 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

Our family received an amazing, unexpected Christmas gift of a very cool new TV. We went about shifting, rebuilding, figuring out cable connections, and placing the new gadget in the place of our old big screen. Somehow amidst the chaos, the daunting task of moving the old machine out to the garage ended up happening when the kids and I were home alone. As I stood looking at the old television, I remembered the day Phil and I brought it home. He was so excited. We bought the new big screen as a part of the house remodel that we […]

Walking Wounded at the Holidays

Posted on December 27, 2010 - by Christine Thiele

I am one of the walking wounded. On most days, you can’t see my scars. During the holidays, as families gather, plan and celebrate, my scar begins to show. It begins to deepen in color and intensity, kind of like Harry Potter’s. On non-holiday days, I can bear my scar and move on. During these holiday times, though, I feel more alone, more broken, more wounded. It feels like such a lonely road, but I know there are many men, women and children walking it alongside me. We have lost love, joy, and sometimes hope through our life experiences of […]

Spirit of Errol Heals the Living

Posted on December 27, 2010 - by Jonathan Milner

In a certain sense, we all start dying as soon as we are born, but with my son Errol’s birth, death approaches immediately. On the fifth day of his tenuous life, Errol undergoes open-heart surgery, and six excruciating weeks later, we bring our fragile baby home to begin a very different life than we had anticipated. Errol is born with a significant heart defect and cognitive disability that prevent him from walking or talking and demand our constant vigilance. As we grieve the child we had anticipated, Errol’s full-bodied smile and irrepressible laugh turn our sorrow into joy, and teach […]

Six Steps to Regaining Balance After a Loss

Posted on December 26, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

After a loved one dies you’re overwhelmed with contradictory feelings. You have trouble sleeping and feelings you didn’t know you keep you awake for hours. At least, that is my experience after four family members, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and former son-in-law, in 2007. Hymns, poems, novels and stories have been written about the quest for peace. Though religious and spiritual beliefs can contribute to peace, in the long run, peace is something we grant to ourselves. In order to survive the grief journey we must make peace with many things. Doing this can be the biggest challenge of our […]