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Kevin Quiles Has New Book on Spiritual Care to Elderly

Posted on April 20, 2010 - by Kevin Quiles

Spiritual Care to Elderly and Dying Loved Ones is now available. Using over a decade of experience as a spiritual and bereavement counselor, author Kevin Quiles, M.Div. — who is an Open to Hope contributing writer — provides strategies and tools to tackle pressing questions about end-of-life care. Families, friends, faith communities, ministers, and healthcare professionals will find the stories contained in the book both helpful and insightful. Dr. Kenneth Doka calls it “a most useful and practical resource.” Mim Eichler Rivas, coauthor of the book, Pursuit of Happyness, refers to it as “a much needed companion for anyone traveling the difficult road.” And Thomas […]

What is the Meaning of Hope?

Posted on April 20, 2010 - by Norman Fried

What is the meaning of hope, and how can it help us through the days and nights of our despair? For many, hope is a quality that imbues us with grace in the face of adversity. It is an internal process that allows us to encounter the world with awe and faith in a more numinous realm, an intrinsic and existential mindset of being. For others, hope is synonymous with “want” or “expectation.” It denotes a passive, “wait and see,” approach to a desired object or outcome. Understood in this way, hope is a state of mind, a wish or […]

Poem: High on a Shelf

Posted on April 19, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

I put my heart in a box Placed it high on a shelf Where it will be safe with Loving memories of you. When I’m filled with sorrow I’ll peek inside the box Feel my grieving heart and Remember joy with you. When I’m filled with anger I’ll peek inside the box Feel my heart hurting and Remember happiness with you. When I’m filled with fear I’ll peek inside the box Feel my lonely heart and Remember feeling safe with you. It will be safe on the shelf In a beautifully carved box My heart beating strongly For the day […]

Coping With Sudden and Traumatic Loss

Posted on April 19, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

A sudden and traumatic death shatters your world. The changes may be readily apparent or may take months, or even years, to emerge. In 2007, my elder daughter (mother of my twin grandchildren) and father-in-law died on the same weekend. I was in such shock I could hardly think. Yet there were burial arrangements to make and memorial services to plan. I knew I had to do my grief work and did not shirk it. This work paid off and I was starting to feel better when my brother died eight weeks later. Several months later the twin’s father studied […]

The Sweater: Daughter Wishes She Could Repay Father’s Gift

Posted on April 18, 2010 - by Claire Perkins

It is the third of December 2008. I sit by my dad’s bedside, holding his hand and watching him breathe, holding my breath as his stops for several seconds, only exhaling when he finally takes another faltering breath. I count: ten seconds of silence followed by a gasping breath, then fifteen seconds of shallow noisy breathing. Over and over the cycle repeats. His mouth opens and closes with a little pop on each exhale —“guppy breathing,” the hospice nurse calls it. His left hand reaches up, as if grasping for something—or maybe pushing something away. I read to him: Jonathan […]

Death of Grandchild is a Double Loss

Posted on April 16, 2010 - by Sherry Van Pelt

April 11 was my second-born grandson, Conner’s, birthday. He would have been 16 this year. Oh, the fun age. The 16th birthday, to me, is when you no longer feel like you are a child but not quite an adult. You aren’t quite sure where to go with those feelings you have inside you. Also, the child seems to change physically. But I will never get to see those changes in my grandson. As a matter of fact, I never got to share any birthdays with him as he was stillborn. To this day, we do not know what happened […]

Keeping Connection With a Deceased Son

Posted on April 13, 2010 - by Mary Jane Cronin

When faced with the death of my son, I grieved inwardly and mourned openly to others that my life was forever changed. Wanting to create a legacy of the beautiful child I would never hug again, I began searching for the proper tribute. The magnitude of options was overwhelming and included plaques at the local zoo and starting a scholarship at a local school in his name. Jeremy and his brothers used to go to a coffeehouse in a nearby town and talk, sing and of course, drink coffee. My guilt that he was not with me, that I did […]

Daughter Sara is Still With Us

Posted on April 13, 2010 - by Sue Hunt

My beautiful daughter Sara passed away almost 8 years ago. She was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML). She was just 19 and turned 20 years old in the hospital. I spent every day and night with her there, only to be relieved when my son or husband would come to visit. This went on for over five months. She had extensive chemotherapy. Sara went into remission. We were so happy that day. It was Valentine’s Day. It was a special day for the rest of our lives. After Sara gained some strength, she forced herself to go back to college and […]

Men and Grief: Surrounded by Love, Blinded by Pride

Posted on April 10, 2010 - by Ron Villano

“I couldn’t care less.” That’s how I felt in the months and years after I lost my 17-year old son, Michael. I felt like the life was taken out of me. I was stripped down on the outside, torn apart on the inside, and utterly vulnerable to the world. In short, my very essence, my power to be the strong, tough and secure man was gone in an instant. I had no identity. I had no point of reference to reach out to because from that very young age, men are taught to be the ever strong and solid provider. […]

The Insults of Aging: Why Young People Get it Wrong

Posted on April 9, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

Incredible things are heard when nobody thinks you’re listening. Recently, in downtown San Francisco, I was walking behind a 20-something–year-old couple. They were forced to reduce their fast pace as they approached an elderly man slowly walking in the same direction. Unable to go around him because foot traffic was heavy, they exchanged annoyed expressions, then imitated the elder gentleman’s halting movements. Eventually, he turned off on a side street and they resumed their pace. The young man turned to his girlfriend and said, “When I get that old, shoot me.” If he had asked me for help, I would […]