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Coping With Sudden and Traumatic Loss

Posted on April 19, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

A sudden and traumatic death shatters your world. The changes may be readily apparent or may take months, or even years, to emerge. In 2007, my elder daughter (mother of my twin grandchildren) and father-in-law died on the same weekend. I was in such shock I could hardly think. Yet there were burial arrangements to make and memorial services to plan. I knew I had to do my grief work and did not shirk it. This work paid off and I was starting to feel better when my brother died eight weeks later. Several months later the twin’s father studied […]

The Sweater: Daughter Wishes She Could Repay Father’s Gift

Posted on April 18, 2010 - by Claire Perkins

It is the third of December 2008. I sit by my dad’s bedside, holding his hand and watching him breathe, holding my breath as his stops for several seconds, only exhaling when he finally takes another faltering breath. I count: ten seconds of silence followed by a gasping breath, then fifteen seconds of shallow noisy breathing. Over and over the cycle repeats. His mouth opens and closes with a little pop on each exhale —“guppy breathing,” the hospice nurse calls it. His left hand reaches up, as if grasping for something—or maybe pushing something away. I read to him: Jonathan […]

Death of Grandchild is a Double Loss

Posted on April 16, 2010 - by Sherry Van Pelt

April 11 was my second-born grandson, Conner’s, birthday. He would have been 16 this year. Oh, the fun age. The 16th birthday, to me, is when you no longer feel like you are a child but not quite an adult. You aren’t quite sure where to go with those feelings you have inside you. Also, the child seems to change physically. But I will never get to see those changes in my grandson. As a matter of fact, I never got to share any birthdays with him as he was stillborn. To this day, we do not know what happened […]

Keeping Connection With a Deceased Son

Posted on April 13, 2010 - by Mary Jane Cronin

When faced with the death of my son, I grieved inwardly and mourned openly to others that my life was forever changed. Wanting to create a legacy of the beautiful child I would never hug again, I began searching for the proper tribute. The magnitude of options was overwhelming and included plaques at the local zoo and starting a scholarship at a local school in his name. Jeremy and his brothers used to go to a coffeehouse in a nearby town and talk, sing and of course, drink coffee. My guilt that he was not with me, that I did […]

Daughter Sara is Still With Us

Posted on April 13, 2010 - by Sue Hunt

My beautiful daughter Sara passed away almost 8 years ago. She was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML). She was just 19 and turned 20 years old in the hospital. I spent every day and night with her there, only to be relieved when my son or husband would come to visit. This went on for over five months. She had extensive chemotherapy. Sara went into remission. We were so happy that day. It was Valentine’s Day. It was a special day for the rest of our lives. After Sara gained some strength, she forced herself to go back to college and […]

Men and Grief: Surrounded by Love, Blinded by Pride

Posted on April 10, 2010 - by Ron Villano

“I couldn’t care less.” That’s how I felt in the months and years after I lost my 17-year old son, Michael. I felt like the life was taken out of me. I was stripped down on the outside, torn apart on the inside, and utterly vulnerable to the world. In short, my very essence, my power to be the strong, tough and secure man was gone in an instant. I had no identity. I had no point of reference to reach out to because from that very young age, men are taught to be the ever strong and solid provider. […]

The Insults of Aging: Why Young People Get it Wrong

Posted on April 9, 2010 - by Stan Goldberg

Incredible things are heard when nobody thinks you’re listening. Recently, in downtown San Francisco, I was walking behind a 20-something–year-old couple. They were forced to reduce their fast pace as they approached an elderly man slowly walking in the same direction. Unable to go around him because foot traffic was heavy, they exchanged annoyed expressions, then imitated the elder gentleman’s halting movements. Eventually, he turned off on a side street and they resumed their pace. The young man turned to his girlfriend and said, “When I get that old, shoot me.” If he had asked me for help, I would […]

Music Helps Tap into Good Memories of Dad

Posted on April 8, 2010 - by James Einert

My dad died in July of 2009. It was a great loss for me, as I had lost my mom 6 years earlier. He was in declining health, but nothing seemed life threatening. Then he had a sudden aneurysm in his stomach, and was gone less than 2 hours after being taken to the hospital. My dad was a Christian and ready to go. We sang gospel music for over 45 years and my wife, children and I will carry on with that ministry. The emotion that surprises me the most from the loss of my dad is that I feel alone […]

Raising my Twin Grandchildren: Endings and Beginnings

Posted on April 7, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

After our elder daughter was killed in a car crash and our former son-in-law died in another car crash, my husband and I became GRGs – grandparents raising grandchildren. Wow, did our lives change! We are back to booming rock music, school concerts, ringing phones, text messages and emails, sleepovers, and school trips. Since I had been cooking for two so long, it took me several months to adjust to cooking for teens again. I go to the grocery store every other day and am cooking constantly. Teen slang has changed drastically and I had to learn new words to […]

The Musical Journey of Grief

Posted on April 6, 2010 - by David Roberts

Music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember; music has always helped me navigate major transitions in my life. After the death of my daughter Jeannine in 2003 due to cancer, music helped me put words to her illness and the aftermath of her death. Later in my grief journey, music assisted me (and continues to assist me) in redefining myself due to my struggle with her physical absence. The lyrics and music of The Wallflowers, The Counting Crows, Jackson Browne and Tom Petty were very instrumental in my grief Journey. Figuratively, these […]