A New Year is here What will it bring? Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Last year is behind us This year lies ahead. Is life pre-determined? Do we have free will? New Year’s resolutions Will we abide? Or, will we simply toss Our resolutions aside? Life is pre-determined And, we have free will. Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com
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A new twin joined our twinloss Yahoo group. He has recently lost his twin. I related to his words about how we draw strength from our connection to our twin. The intrinsic nature of twin connectedness was made clearer for me. It is this connection or bond that when severed, brought in the feelings of aloneness like none I have ever known. With facing my grief and learning to reach out in trust to others, this aloneness has changed to something that nurtures me in the tough times… my twinship. Fierce and uncontrollable, my fury at my twin Paula’s sudden […]
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The holiday season is painful for adults after the death of a loved one, but it can be even more isolating and distressing for children if they are not given ample guidance from the adults in their lives. Here are some suggestions for how to help your children during the holidays: 1. Suppress the urge to ignore the holidays because they seem too painful to endure. It’s important that children are given the opportunity to celebrate the holidays without feeling bad or feeling guilty. After all, they still have a need to “just be a kid,” especially during the holidays. […]
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The new year dawns. Fresh starts. Newly formed commitments. Anticipation and hope of greater, grander or simply a gentler existence. In and through grief, the past wafts by us unexpectedly with its pleasures and its challenges. The new year brings for us a time to reassess which things to carry along with us , which outlooks in our mind and which outlooks in our surroundings. Working with therapists and life coaches, the emphasis lies in changing the inside thoughts to bring changes to the outer side of life. I have also found that sometimes the reverse can spur me onward, […]
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Restoring stability and balance after a death may be the biggest challenge of your life. Balance is what I wanted after four family members died within nine months. Other family members had died and, though I was familiar with loss, this time was different. Grieving for multiple losses is harder than grieving for one and I often went backwards on the recovery path. Finally, I realized I was grieving for family members in the order they died. Months passed and I knew I was making progress, but stability eluded me, and I was on constant alert for more tragedy. What […]
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The word “anniversary” takes on a whole new meaning for widow/ers, or for any griever. An anniversary date is any meaningful date to you and your loved one. The hardest anniversary date usually is the one that commemorates the day of the death. There have been many psychological-based articles written on the importance of the one year marker. Do not be fooled that at one year all your grief will magically dissipate, and you will be ready to move on with your life. Please do not misunderstand me. The one year anniversary is a very important date. It is a […]
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How much did I love Christmas? I would start my Christmas shopping in July of each year. I was the social convener of the century, organizing party after party. And, of course, a real tree was mandatory. I loved the smell of a Christmas tree and loved touching the needles. And my collection of Christmas ornaments was huge. There were Christmas ornaments with my children’s names and ones we created together when the children were young. At our house, we decorated the tree together as a family, listening to Christmas carols and drinking eggnog. The death of my husband, Rhod, […]
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Several years ago, I was watching news coverage following the crash of a passenger plane that killed all on board. The plane actually crashed into the ocean so over the next few days, survivor families gathered at the shore nearest to where the plane had gone down to gather information, comfort one another, and engage in memorial rituals. Some family members chartered helicopters to fly over the actual crash site; many survivors participated in impromptu candlelight vigils; literally hundreds joined together for a more formal ceremony that culminated in throwing wreaths of flowers onto the water at sunset. One broadcast […]
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The holidays have arrived. Normally they are a time for family fun and celebration but when you are grieving the loss of someone who has died, the season is different: it is painful. Grieving is a long process. It takes time to heal from the loss of a loved one. When we are grieving, we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness, overwhelmed with missing the beloved person who has gone. We long for them. We think we will not survive. So we ask ourselves, “How can I make it through these days?” Here are some thoughts that have helped me. […]
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Do you feel like there’s just too much to do during the holiday season? If you’re caregiving, I’d be willing to bet that your stress levels are ramping on up there about now. It’s not that it’s not all good – the tree, the gifts, the home baked cookies, the parties, the family gatherings, the lights. Every one of those holiday components are wonderful. When the proverbial “soup pot” boils over and the cookies burn, you don’t want to go to one more red-sweater party (or there are no parties and you feel empty), and the whipped cream on top of the hot chocolate–someone says/does […]
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Open to Hope is an online community offering inspirational stories of loss, hope and recovery. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery.
