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When Canceling a Holiday is Not an Option

Posted on January 6, 2010 - by Coralease Ruff

Holidays and other special days are times that we miss our loved ones more acutely. It is these family gatherings where everyone is joyful that make the void feel more enormous. After suffering through my first Easter, first Mother’s Day, my daughter’s birthday, my birthday and all of the other special days, I knew Christmas would be unbearable. I didn’t know how I could possibly survive it. The first Christmas of my bereavement, I wanted to keep the spirit of the season at least for our surviving son who was experiencing more pain than any 18-year-old should ever have to […]

Poem: A Living Death

Posted on January 5, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

Alzheimer’s – A living death Mental deterioration A slow suffocation. A Caregiver’s love Hugging, kissing, holding Hope – from above. Out of control Loved one lost in space In a black hole. Alzheimer’s – A living death A reality, so cruel Until the very last breath. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Poem: A New Year

Posted on January 4, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

A New Year is here What will it bring? Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Last year is behind us This year lies ahead. Is life pre-determined? Do we have free will? New Year’s resolutions Will we abide? Or, will we simply toss Our resolutions aside? Life is pre-determined And, we have free will. Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Without My Twin: Reflections On A Road Traveled

Posted on January 4, 2010 - by Linda Pountney

A new twin joined our twinloss Yahoo group. He has recently lost his twin. I related to his words about how we draw strength from our connection to our twin. The intrinsic nature of twin connectedness was made clearer for me. It is this connection or bond that when severed, brought in the feelings of aloneness like none I have ever known. With facing my grief and learning to reach out in trust to others, this aloneness has changed to something that nurtures me in the tough times… my twinship. Fierce and uncontrollable, my fury at my twin Paula’s sudden […]

Helping Children Grieve During the Holidays

Posted on January 3, 2010 - by Pamela Gabbay

The holiday season is painful for adults after the death of a loved one, but it can be even more isolating and distressing for children if they are not given ample guidance from the adults in their lives. Here are some suggestions for how to help your children during the holidays: 1. Suppress the urge to ignore the holidays because they seem too painful to endure. It’s important that children are given the opportunity to celebrate the holidays without feeling bad or feeling guilty. After all, they still have a need to “just be a kid,” especially during the holidays. […]

Creating a Fresh Palette in Your Home for 2011

Posted on January 3, 2010 - by Susan Reynolds

The new year dawns. Fresh starts. Newly formed commitments. Anticipation and hope of greater, grander or simply a gentler existence. In and through grief, the past wafts by us unexpectedly with its pleasures and its challenges. The new year brings for us a time to reassess which things to carry along with us , which outlooks in our mind and which outlooks in our surroundings. Working with therapists and life coaches, the emphasis lies in changing the inside thoughts to bring changes to the outer side of life. I have also found that sometimes the reverse can spur me onward, […]

Restoring Balance After the Death of a Loved One

Posted on January 2, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Restoring stability and balance after a death may be the biggest challenge of your life. Balance is what I wanted after four family members died within nine months. Other family members had died and, though I was familiar with loss, this time was different. Grieving for multiple losses is harder than grieving for one and I often went backwards on the recovery path. Finally, I realized I was grieving for family members in the order they died. Months passed and I knew I was making progress, but stability eluded me, and I was on constant alert for more tragedy. What […]

Grief and the Holidays: You Can be ‘Master of Your Emotions’

Posted on January 1, 2010 - by Ellen Gerst

The word “anniversary” takes on a whole new meaning for widow/ers, or for any griever. An anniversary date is any meaningful date to you and your loved one. The hardest anniversary date usually is the one that commemorates the day of the death. There have been many psychological-based articles written on the importance of the one year marker. Do not be fooled that at one year all your grief will magically dissipate, and you will be ready to move on with your life. Please do not misunderstand me. The one year anniversary is a very important date. It is a […]

All I Wanted For Christmas Was … My Family

Posted on December 31, 2009 - by Audrey Stringer

How much did I love Christmas? I would start my Christmas shopping in July of each year. I was the social convener of the century, organizing party after party. And, of course, a real tree was mandatory. I loved the smell of a Christmas tree and loved touching the needles. And my collection of Christmas ornaments was huge. There were Christmas ornaments with my children’s names and ones we created together when the children were young. At our house, we decorated the tree together as a family, listening to Christmas carols and drinking eggnog. The death of my husband, Rhod, […]

The Role of Ritual Following a Major Loss

Posted on December 29, 2009 - by Stephanie Frogge

Several years ago, I was watching news coverage following the crash of a passenger plane that killed all on board. The plane actually crashed into the ocean so over the next few days, survivor families gathered at the shore nearest to where the plane had gone down to gather information, comfort one another, and engage in memorial rituals. Some family members chartered helicopters to fly over the actual crash site; many survivors participated in impromptu candlelight vigils; literally hundreds joined together for a more formal ceremony that culminated in throwing wreaths of flowers onto the water at sunset. One broadcast […]