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How Couples Grieve Differently After a Child-Loss

Posted on January 11, 2010 - by Sandy Fox

A friend of mine told me recently that she is moving on with her life after her only son died 2 1/2 years ago. Her voice sounded upbeat. Her spirits were soaring. Only good things are happening now, and she is enjoying what she has to look forward to: grandchildren growing up, graduating, marrying, a good relationship with her daughter-in-law who just remarried. “Now,” she says, “I want to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.” When this first happened, I could not convince her she would survive the loss. She told me that […]

Taking a Rest on the Journey through Grief

Posted on January 10, 2010 - by John French

Grief is an incredibly difficult venture, a monumental climb from the pit of despair. It is an absolutely exhausting venture that drains you physically and weighs heavy on your mind. As I look back on the months following my son’s death, I’ve come to realize that I haven’t moved at all. Even though others may perceive me to be progressing, my movement is lateral at best. As the span of time increases, it becomes more and more difficult to lift myself up. The days slip by, but the moments never escape me. The more I struggle to hold on, the […]

Is Divorce Worthy of Grief?

Posted on January 9, 2010 - by Marty Tousley

Question from a reader: I recently tried to join a grief group. When the leader found out that my wife had not died, she told me that the others in the group would not feel that my grief was as deep as theirs. She suggested that I look for a divorce-recovery group. I wish I was certain that recovery will eventually happen. It has been over 17 years since I lost my wife. Isn’t it pretty clear by now that I will not ever recover? Marty Tousley, RN, MS, FT, DCC, responds: I’m so sorry to learn that you were […]

Poem: I Promise You This

Posted on January 8, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

It doesn’t matter What age you are. When a loved one dies It’s very, very hard. I was sweet sixteen When my brother died. I shut down Never once, did I cry. Over the years I’ve learned to accept. As a man, a soldier He fought to protect. He accepted his orders And, took command. But, why did they leave him In a far away land? Many, many years Letters came to remind. No soldier – their comrade Would be left behind. Mother and Dad Never gave up hope. It was all they could do In order to cope. One […]

Finding a Reason to Get Up in the Morning

Posted on January 8, 2010 - by Harriet Hodgson

Death makes us examine life. We ask: How did this happen? Why did it happen to me? How will I go on? As we struggle to find answers, we must deal with daily tasks — grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills and home repairs. What a bummer. I had many questions after my daughter and father-in-law died the same weekend in 2007. More questions came to mind when my brother and former son-in-law died several months later. Though I didn’t find all the answers, I found new ways to cope. You may be doing this now. Laura T. Becker, […]

Poem: A Thousand Words

Posted on January 7, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

Your eyes follow me everywhere Never breaking their gaze. When I look into them I’m lost and in a daze. Your eyes always speak to me Sending a loving message From the heavenly kingdom You’re now rejoicing in. Your eyes follow me everywhere Never breaking their gaze. They sparkle with a smile Setting my tear drops ablaze. Your pictures are everywhere Because of my undying love. You’re my mother and father That I wished I could hug. Pictures speak a thousand words You guide me throughout my day. I miss you Mom and Dad In the most heartfelt way. Deborah […]

How to Help a Child Cope With Pet-Loss

Posted on January 7, 2010 - by Linda Goldman

Five-year-old Greg was sad. His pet gerbil, Jasper, had died. Jasper was lying in the cage very still. Greg started screaming and crying and Mom ran into the room to see what happened. “Something is wrong with Jasper. He isn’t moving. I’m scared.” Mom had a tear in her eye. “Jasper died, sweetie.” Greg put his hands over his ears. “No! No! That can’t be true.” Here are some questions and possible answers that might follow. Greg: What does dead mean? Mom: Death means when the body stops working. Sometimes people die when they are very, very, very old, or […]

When Canceling a Holiday is Not an Option

Posted on January 6, 2010 - by Coralease Ruff

Holidays and other special days are times that we miss our loved ones more acutely. It is these family gatherings where everyone is joyful that make the void feel more enormous. After suffering through my first Easter, first Mother’s Day, my daughter’s birthday, my birthday and all of the other special days, I knew Christmas would be unbearable. I didn’t know how I could possibly survive it. The first Christmas of my bereavement, I wanted to keep the spirit of the season at least for our surviving son who was experiencing more pain than any 18-year-old should ever have to […]

Poem: A Living Death

Posted on January 5, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

Alzheimer’s – A living death Mental deterioration A slow suffocation. A Caregiver’s love Hugging, kissing, holding Hope – from above. Out of control Loved one lost in space In a black hole. Alzheimer’s – A living death A reality, so cruel Until the very last breath. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com

Poem: A New Year

Posted on January 4, 2010 - by Deborah Tornillo

A New Year is here What will it bring? Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Last year is behind us This year lies ahead. Is life pre-determined? Do we have free will? New Year’s resolutions Will we abide? Or, will we simply toss Our resolutions aside? Life is pre-determined And, we have free will. Happiness or sorrow You’ll know tomorrow. Deborah Ann Tornillo Copyright© 2010 http://www.deborahtornillo.com