Thanksgiving is for the Bereaved

Posted on November 25, 2009 - by Alice Wisler

I have a hard time believing it is the season of holidays again. While this year should be easier since it will be our fifth Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s without our son Daniel, I still feel myself putting on an extra shield of courage. In the cool afternoon air, I am reminded of my first Thanksgiving since Daniel’s death. On that day, I wrote a poem; it wasn’t very good, but it did express what I had learned from reflecting on the origins of this national American holiday. For the first time, I thought that the initial Thanksgiving among […]

Creating Web Community Helped Her Deal With the Loss

Posted on November 25, 2009 - by Mary Bart

I was my parents’ principal caregiver for ten years.  I have first-hand experience in helping aging parents, dealing with family dynamics and working with public and private organizations.  My father died of cancer in 2005 and my mother died of Alzheimer’s in 2008.  Words can barely describe the depth of loss I felt when my father died. I believe that I cried every day for at least a couple of years. My life felt so empty and so alone.  I really did not know how I was going to get on with my life.  Every night, I would take my […]

Easing Your Loss During the Holiday Season

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Ellen Gerst

Sometimes loss is so devastating it sends you into a seemingly never-ending downward spiral. Do you often find yourself descending into darkness rather than looking for the positive ray of sunshine present in every situation? Try to remember that every event in life is neutral. It is neither good nor bad, positive nor negative, happy nor sad. It is you, and your response, which gives meaning to the event. I do not mean to minimize the death of a spouse, or any loss for that matter. However, you can look at the “event” as the most horrible thing that happened […]

Creating New Thanksgiving Traditions as Widows

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

Each family’s holiday traditions are precious and, one hopes, the children and grandchildren will remember and continue them. But as we move on, and our lives change dramatically, our traditions must change too. And, as single people, we can strive and thrive through holiday seasons by bringing cheer to others. For example, we always had Thanksgiving dinner at home, but when our children married, they began going to their in-laws’ celebrations and we started holding our celebration a day or so after the holiday. This year, I’m joining our daughter at her  in-laws’ Thanksgiving Day dinner, and we’re celebrating again in my home two […]

Hanging Up the Holiday Blues

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Scott Mastley

I believe, maybe because it helps me heal, that my brother would want me to enjoy the holidays.  His car accident was in December almost 15 years ago, and that December date catches up with me each year.  I start to hide from the world around mid-November. I want to sleep more. I blink back tears watching sappy commercials. I don’t feel like working or working out at the gym. It happens right on cue every year, but it took me several years to realize it.  I just thought it was holiday stress.  Now I recognize it right away and know […]

Helping the Grieving Child in School

Posted on November 23, 2009 - by Linda Goldman

Children’s grief should be seen as an ongoing life process that is approachable through words, activities and non-verbal communication. Educators can use this understanding to create a safe environment for parents, teachers and children to acknowledge and process difficult feelings. So often adults rely on the prevailing myth that children are too young too grieve. When a child is capable of loving, he is capable of grieving. Yet many of today’s children are born into a world of grief issues that await them inside their homes and outside their neighborhoods. Boys and girls are becoming increasingly traumatized by these prevailing […]

Writing Poem Helps Woman Honor Mother and Granddaughter

Posted on November 23, 2009 - by Annette Gonzalez

My first granddaughter was born two months premature. My son and daughter-in-law gave her my mother’s name as her middle name. She weighed two pounds, six ounces when she was born. While in the hospital neonatal intensive care unit, all the nurses claimed she was feisty and eager for life. This was no surprise to me because she had my mother’s name. My mother passed away September 2006. She was a role model, a mentor, a confident and most of all she had a lust for life. I miss her every day but somehow I know that her spirit will […]

An Introduction to the World of Commissioned Songwriting for the Bereaved

Posted on November 20, 2009 - by Anna Huckabee Tull

Most people don’t even know that it is possible to commission a song, but it is. I have custom-created songs for individuals for twelve years now, and while I have composed and recorded songs for more topics than you can imagine (new baby, wedding song, a song to psych someone up to clean their office, a song for a tribe someone visited in Ghana, Africa) I have found, over and over again, that the area I am most drawn to compose for has to do with end-of-life. Sometimes people come to me because they are struggling with a life-threatening illness […]

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The Faces of Grief: Mourning Those We Never Knew

Posted on November 19, 2009 - by Stan Goldberg

Although there are many approaches to grief counseling, most focus directly on the grief we experience over the death of a loved one. But what about the unexplainable, and often embarrassing, grief experienced over the death of someone we never knew? The pop star whose life was unexpectedly ended, the child brutally killed by a pedophile, or the massacre of 13 young men and woman on an army base. I’m not referring to the normal amount of sadness felt when an great tragedy occurs. But rather that very deep sense of loss that is usually reserved for the death of […]

Ten Best Ways to Get Through Holidays After Your Spouse Has Died

Posted on November 19, 2009 - by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster

Dreading the upcoming holidays? If you’ve recently lost your spouse, the coming festivities can feel as unwelcome as Marley’s Ghost. Here are some tried and true strategies for facing the holiday season: 1)   Think ahead and try to anticipate how you’ll feel on each holiday. 2)   Even if you don’t join in the festivities, don’t remain alone all day. Spend some time with a friend. 3)   Considering your loss, don’t expect yourself to be as upbeat as usual. Expect some sadness as you take part in the festivities. 4)   To lessen the chance of emotional “sneak attacks,” make some time […]