Dreading the upcoming holidays? If you’ve recently lost your spouse, the coming festivities can feel as unwelcome as Marley’s Ghost. Here are some tried and true strategies for facing the holiday season:

1)   Think ahead and try to anticipate how you’ll feel on each holiday.

2)   Even if you don’t join in the festivities, don’t remain alone all day. Spend some time with a friend.

3)   Considering your loss, don’t expect yourself to be as upbeat as usual. Expect some sadness as you take part in the festivities.

4)   To lessen the chance of emotional “sneak attacks,” make some time to grieve, either on the holiday or just before it.

5)   If you do choose to join in holiday activities, make some changes as to how much you do or become involved in.

6)   Contact the host or hostess before the get-together and let them know that you aren’t feeling like your usual self and may need to leave early.

7)   Give yourself the first 30 minutes after you arrive to adjust to a gathering where your spouse is no longer with you.

8)   Take your own car or alert a friend who is driving that you may want to leave early.

9)   If you start to feel overwhelmed, retreat to the bathroom or take a short walk for some private time.

10)If you choose to avoid the usual gatherings, consider volunteering to serve meals at shelters, visiting shut-ins, or spending the day at a movie or health spa.

Remember: You will get through this time. We’ve found that the anticipation is usually much worse than the actual events. Be sure to plan ahead and do only what is most comfortable for you.

Tags: ,

Laurie Spector

Laurie Spector, M.S.W. (left) received her Master's Degree in Social Work from UCLA. In addition to private practice as a psychotherapist, Laurie has worked in psychiatric and medical settings. Inspired by the deaths of her father and brother, Laurie has counseled terminally ill patients and their families as well as conducted bereavement groups. Ruth Webster, M.S.W. (right) received her Masters Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. The homicide death of her teenaged son was soon followed by her husband’s death by cancer when Ruth was 45. These losses influenced her career choice to counsel the widowed and conduct bereavement groups at a major HMO for over 17 years. These mother/daughter psychotherapists are co-authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies. The Revised and Expanded Edition of Lost My Partner was published in 2008.

More Articles Written by Laurie