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Votives for Remembrance

Posted on November 28, 2009 - by Yvonne Lancaster

The holidays are a particularly difficult time for many families who are yearning for their loved ones, no matter how long they have been gone. My grandmother, Georgiana, out-lived my grandfather, Arsene, by 25 years. Not a day went by without her missing him. Often, we would visit her. She was a warm and loving person with calm blue eyes who gave birth to 17 children. She never spoke about how difficult it was raising so many, but rather looked at her life as a blessing, filled with many challenges only faith, hope and love could conquer. My grandmother kept the […]

Celebrating My Deceased Daughter’s Birthday

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

Today would have been my elder daughter’s birthday. She was born on Thanksgiving Day decades ago. The hospital staff was preparing a turkey dinner for the new mothers, and I was very aware of the tantalizing smells while I was in labor. I wanted to eat that dinner, but could not. How am I going to honor my daughter’s life? First, I am going to focus on thankfulness for having her in my life. She became a composite engineer, had five additional engineering certificates, earned her MBA, and was supervising thee production lines for a Minnesota manufacturing company when she died. […]

Husband’s Death Surprises Wife with its Power

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Mie Elmhirst

I expected to have this “grieving thing” wrapped up within a year. The way I saw it, I was 47 and probably had less years ahead of me than behind. I was willing to grieve (like I had a choice…), but I was counting on a sort of a statute of limitations, a timeline of grief that had a very distinct end point, after which I would feel free and wonderful and excited about my future. I knew women who were still grieving two, three, and four years after their husband died. To be honest, I saw them as rather […]

Don’t Stop Others From Crying

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Alex James

I often use visualisation when working with my clients. I talk with them about the feelings that they are holding in, feel unable to share, or in some cases feel pressure either spoken or unspoken to appear to be doing well. It’s a bit like sitting on a box. The box is over filled with feelings and if the lid isn’t allowed to open frequently and the feelings let out, they build and build until they burst out, uncontrollably, and often at a time that is inappropriate. Many bereft tell me they feel afraid of crying, of letting go, because […]

Child’s Insight Offers Meaning — and a Laugh — on Thanksgiving

Posted on November 26, 2009 - by Laura Klouzek

The smell of turkey and stuffing was in the air, there was noise from kid’s playing and dishes being prepared in the kitchen. It was our first Thanksgiving since my son Lucas’s death in July. The previous Thanksgiving, we had all been together, and had even taken a special family picture to put on our Christmas cards. Lucas’s absence made the day dreary despite the holiday atmosphere. Dinner was on the table, and it was time for a prayer. I felt I couldn’t express thanks this particular day, as my heart was so heavy. As I looked at the other […]

Thanksgiving is for the Bereaved

Posted on November 25, 2009 - by Alice Wisler

I have a hard time believing it is the season of holidays again. While this year should be easier since it will be our fifth Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s without our son Daniel, I still feel myself putting on an extra shield of courage. In the cool afternoon air, I am reminded of my first Thanksgiving since Daniel’s death. On that day, I wrote a poem; it wasn’t very good, but it did express what I had learned from reflecting on the origins of this national American holiday. For the first time, I thought that the initial Thanksgiving among […]

Creating Web Community Helped Her Deal With the Loss

Posted on November 25, 2009 - by Mary Bart

I was my parents’ principal caregiver for ten years. I have first-hand experience in helping aging parents, dealing with family dynamics and working with public and private organizations. My father died of cancer in 2005 and my mother died of Alzheimer’s in 2008. Words can barely describe the depth of loss I felt when my father died. I believe that I cried every day for at least a couple of years. My life felt so empty and so alone. I really did not know how I was going to get on with my life. Every night, I would take my […]

Easing Your Loss During the Holiday Season

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Ellen Gerst

Sometimes loss is so devastating it sends you into a seemingly never-ending downward spiral. Do you often find yourself descending into darkness rather than looking for the positive ray of sunshine present in every situation? Try to remember that every event in life is neutral. It is neither good nor bad, positive nor negative, happy nor sad. It is you, and your response, which gives meaning to the event. I do not mean to minimize the death of a spouse, or any loss for that matter. However, you can look at the “event” as the most horrible thing that happened […]

Creating New Thanksgiving Traditions as Widows

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

Each family’s holiday traditions are precious and, one hopes, the children and grandchildren will remember and continue them. But as we move on, and our lives change dramatically, our traditions must change too. And, as single people, we can strive and thrive through holiday seasons by bringing cheer to others. For example, we always had Thanksgiving dinner at home, but when our children married, they began going to their in-laws’ celebrations and we started holding our celebration a day or so after the holiday. This year, I’m joining our daughter at her in-laws’ Thanksgiving Day dinner, and we’re celebrating again in my home two […]

Hanging Up the Holiday Blues

Posted on November 24, 2009 - by Scott Mastley

I believe, maybe because it helps me heal, that my brother would want me to enjoy the holidays. His car accident was in December almost 15 years ago, and that December date catches up with me each year. I start to hide from the world around mid-November. I want to sleep more. I blink back tears watching sappy commercials. I don’t feel like working or working out at the gym. It happens right on cue every year, but it took me several years to realize it. I just thought it was holiday stress. Now I recognize it right away and know […]