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The ‘Inoculation Effect’ of Major Grief

Posted on September 14, 2009 - by Fran Dorf

My trusty Shorter Oxford English Dictionary includes this definition of the word “inoculate”: The deliberate introduction into the body of a micro-organism, especially in order to induce immunity to a disease; vaccination. In the fifteen years since my three-year-old son, Michael, died, I’ve found the idea of an “inoculation effect” a useful and even consoling way to think about my loss. I admit the analogy is imperfect, since no one would ever “deliberately” introduce an innocent to agonizing grief, or as I call it in my novel, Saving Elijah, “big time grief,” but I stand by it. So what does […]

Let Your Last Wishes Be Known

Posted on September 12, 2009 - by Yvonne Lancaster

Evelyn Rose was my mother. She was a devout Catholic born at the turn of the twentieth-century. She never questioned dogma, doctrine or the infallibility of the pope. She believed we were put here on earth by God for a short time and that our life was a test of our choices about good and evil. How well we did in our earthly trials determined our fate in the afterlife. She believed, with all of her heart, that the greatest peace and happiness one could ever imagine would be seeing the face of the Creator and reuniting with her loved […]

Trying Something New Brings Joy and Life to the Bereaved

Posted on September 11, 2009 - by Monica Novak

By Barbara A. Glanz – The following is an excerpt from Barbara’s book What Can I Do? Ideas to Help Those Who Have Experienced Loss: One of the ways we can help people to move on with their lives is to encourage them to do something different than they have ever done before. It may be to sign up for a class or try a new sport or join a new group. As soon as they take this step, as difficult as it is, it represents going forward in a new life. There is a fine line between encouraging and […]

Lesson One Upon My Son Leaving This Earth, Too Soon

Posted on September 11, 2009 - by Erin Krog

It is mid-afternoon, one week after my son went to heaven. I lay in bed. I cry. I am angry. I am a lost soul. My tears soak my pillow. I cannot face the world. My future seems to have taken flight to heaven with my little boy. My life doesn’t seem real. This is a bad dream. I am convinced that if I cry hard enough and long enough, God will see my pain. Then I will walk to my son’s room, look in his crib and there he will lay, sleeping peacefully … alive. When I was pregnant, I […]

Propelled to Purpose Through Grief

Posted on September 11, 2009 - by Rhonda Belous

I wish I knew where you were. That would make life a whole lot easier right now. This is one of my true challenges; to understand what happened to you after you died. Over time, I am making sense of Life and obviously I need much more time to comprehend it. But how do I understand the mysteriousness of death – my precious dad’s death? Yes, I know you had cancer, it ravaged you, overtook you and you died. That is painfully obvious. But why at this stage of your life, top of your game and a young 70 years […]

Accordions Can Cry: Music for Healing Among Latinos

Posted on September 10, 2009 - by Angelica Fajardo

“Kiss the casket,” my mom instructed, “that way you won’t have ‘susto’.”[1] I was sixteen years old looking at my Grandpa’s body as he lay in his casket. I stared at his chest, and I swear, I could see it rise and fall. “He’s alive,” I thought, “Can’t they all see he’s alive?” I didn’t know why I needed to kiss the casket, but I followed suit and did as the others did. There were hundreds of people present, and yet the church was silent. The silence was broken by the sound of nearing footsteps. I watched a man walk down […]

Cleaning the ‘Emotional Closet’ After a Loss

Posted on September 9, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

We put all kinds of things inside of closets. There are things you expect to find inside this storage space: sweaters, dresses, and shoes. Then there are the other things that you can’t find a place for somewhere else in the house: old yearbooks, memory boxes, or last year’s tax returns. Perhaps there are mothballs, spider webs, or the odd price tag dropped from a purchased item. Closets are useful partly because you can shut the doors to conceal any messiness that might be found inside. I suppose that is why we use the concept of closets when describing emotional […]

Brother Struggles to Say Something as Sister is Dying

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by John Pete

Michael writes in: My sister is dying of breast cancer. I don’t know how to be with her. I want to say something but so far I only speak to myself. John Pete resonds: Hi Michael. It can be very difficult to be with someone who is dying and we often try too hard to think of the “right” things to say or do. It can help to think about how you would want to be treated in their situation. Dying is not only about dying – it is about living out a life while coping with a terminal illness. I commend you […]

Angel Moms

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox I found a web site bereaved mothers may be interested in looking at and even joining. The site is www.angelmoms.com . Through their pain, these mothers have bonded together to offer each other love, support and understanding, something we all need. Their email group of moms chats daily, sharing tears and laughter. As I opened the site, the song “You’ll Never Walk Alone” played in the background. I felt very comfortable and comforted looking at this lovely site and reading about what they have done for each other and for others out there, not even members. If […]

How to Politely Decline Offers of Help While Grieving

Posted on September 8, 2009 - by Stephanie Frogge

Laura writes in: My father just died and my mother, a new widow, is getting lots of well-meaning invitations to lunches, dinners, etc. She is the type of person to worry more about other people than herself but the invitations are too much. I am trying to help her find the words to politely decline and guide people to ‘back off’. How do you politely decline social invitations when you’re just not ready to be around people after you become a widow? Dear Laura, What a compassionate daughter you are that in the midst of your own grief you are […]