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Growing Through Grief

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Fran Dorf

Around 1:30 in the afternoon, Dec. 7, 1993 – by coincidence, Pearl Harbor Day – I put my three-year-old son, Michael, down for his nap, went to my office, turned on the intercom, and began to work on my third novel. The intercom was silent, and I wrote steadily. Around 4 p.m., mildly concerned that Mikey was sleeping too long, I went to wake him up. I found him in the midst of a silent, deadly seizure.  I started to scream, my husband came running, and although we didn’t really know it then, we had arrived with our baggage at […]

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Grandmother Wants to Commemorate Deceased Grandson’s Birthday

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Deborah writes in: My infant grandson passed away on the day of his birth, and the anniversary is coming. Do you have any suggestions on how to celebrate this day? Mom and Dad are sooo sad.  Thank you for your help. Monica Novak, author of The Good Grief Club, responds: Dear Deborah: I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandson.  The year following the death of a baby takes a family through such a wide range of emotions, often culminating on the first anniversary of that death, that it can be difficult to decide how to spend the […]

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Caregivers Struggle When Parents Age

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Most families of our generation don’t talk much about feelings, but when our parent is aging or ill, many emotional issues arise for both the primary caregiver and for other family members. It can be a very challenging time for everyone. My neighbor recently experienced this when her mother in New York state broke her hip in a fall. She and her siblings had very different emotional reactions to the crisis. Some were “too busy” to help while others implied that they couldn’t cope. Kathy was the adult child who was able and willing to take charge of the situation,  […]

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Reconciling Grief: Take All the Time You Need

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Harriet Hodgson

Mourners want grief to end.  Some try to rush their mourning, only to find it cannot be rushed.  According to The Talmud, “Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time is on his side.”  The process of reconciliation – -making the deceased part of yourself and your life — is a slow one.  It’s even slower it you have suffered multiple losses. Colin Murray Parkes writes about time in “All in the End is Harvest.”  He says, “Death may happen in a moment, but grief takes time; and that time is both an ordeal […]

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‘I Just Lost My Son!’ Mother Reaches Out for Help

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Tami writes in: I just lost my 18-year-old son in a motorcycle accident….I am so devastated!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can someone help me??????? He is my life! Dr. Gloria Horsley, founder of www.opentohope.com, responds: Dear Tami: Our hearts go out to you. My own son was killed in a fiery crash  when he was 17 and I know the shock and pain you are feeling right now. Somehow you get through doing all the things you have to do after such an accident – there are many decisions to make that you don’t feel you can handle but you can and will. If […]

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Wife’s Death by Suicide Complicates Man’s Grieving

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Question from Nancy: My new partner and I have experienced much joy since finding each other. Both of us have been previously married, and both of us have children. Mine are 21 and 25, while his are 24, 31 and 34. My partner and his children have not yet held a memorial for their wife/mother 4 years after her suicidal death. They have not removed her personal items from the home. They have told everyone she died of illness not suicide. I want to help us to become the couple we deserve to be, but this death hangs over – […]

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Where Are Resources for Young Widows?

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by admin

Question from Bob for author Gloria Lintermans: I am dating a 43-year-old widow with a 9-year-old daughter. Much of what you raise in your book, THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF, transcends age, but I would love to read about younger widows. Do you know some books about younger widows? Or do you have some thoughts on issues that are more common among younger widows as compared to older widows? Gloria Lintermans responds: Dear Bob: Thank you for writing. The non-profit organization Young Widows or Widowers at http://www.ywow.org/ suggests several books written with the younger widow/widower in mind which you may find helpful. […]

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Company Prepares to Welcome Employee Back After Stillbirth

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Monica Novak

I received a call one day from Pat, the Share support group facilitator and perinatal bereavement coordinator at the local hospital, telling me that she and I had been invited to speak to one of the departments at a nearby corporation.  Diana, the manager who had contacted Pat, told her that one of her employees, a woman named Michelle, had recently delivered her firstborn — a stillborn daughter. Michelle was about to return to work after a six-week maternity leave. Not only was Michelle an employee, she was a dear friend of Diana’s and everyone else in the department.  They were […]

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Rethinking Home Hospice

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Sandra Pesmen

When my husband was near the end of his terminal illness, our Medicare nurse, who dropped in twice a week to check his vital signs, suggested we call our local Hospice center to set up Home Hospice.   I balked. I was afraid to face the reality that we were so close to the end. “That doesn’t mean it will happen right away,” she assured me. “They will just come in and make everyone comfortable for as long as necessary. Sometimes it’s six months, sometimes even a year, and they can even get an extension on that…” I was surprised, […]

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Grief Film Review: ‘Departures’

Posted on August 21, 2009 - by Nancy Manahan & Becky Bohan

We recommend “Departures,” the 2009 Academy Award winner for Best Foreign Language Film, currently in theaters. “Departures” is a moving, inspiring glimpse into Japan’s cultural heritage of caring for a body after death. When a young cellist loses his orchestra job, he and his wife move back to his hometown. He answers a classified ad for a company called “Departures,” thinking it’s a travel agency. He discovers, instead, that the job involves washing and casketing bodies. Daigo overcomes his initial horror and comes to love the reverential ceremonies, which are transformational for the families involved  .  .  .  and eventually for him […]

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