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Why We Read and Write Our Grief Stories

Posted on February 22, 2009 - by Richard Beck

By Richard Beck As I ponder what to write in my first article for the Open to Hope Foundation, I imagine what it feels like to read about the universal challenges that face us after we experience a loss. Loss is universal in that death is inevitable for all of us. Some losses leave us without words to describe the pain, the hurt, the rage, the sadness, and the grief that engulfs our souls. As a fisherman, I know that the ocean, Mother Nature herself, has no compassion and no conscience. When storms occur, good sailors can die. What is […]

February Calls Us to the Love Side of Life

Posted on February 22, 2009 - by Mary Jane Hurley Brant

By Mary Jane Hurley Brant — The month of February focuses our attention on love. Cards are bought, candy is given, kisses abound. So what is it about love? We simply cannot get enough of it. “I love you” and “I’m in love with you.” Is there a difference? Yes. “I’m in love with you” has more infatuation and projection attached, and “I love you” has more of day-to-day companionship attached. Each has its mystery. Mystery, by definition, cannot be completely understood. I like the word mystery because it elevates a subject. Anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher, writes that mystery is […]

Happy Birthday?

Posted on February 21, 2009 - by Eric Tomei

I have to be honest with everyone. I have been struggling all week knowing that Sunday was going to be here. Sunday is usually a great day. People everywhere sleep in, attend religious services, or better yet have a big breakfast with the family and lounge around till noon. But this Sunday has a whole new meaning for me. This Sunday (February 22nd) is my Dad’s birthday. Everyone who has experienced the pain and devastation of losing a loved one knows that besides all major holidays there are two dates that always jump out at […]

Husband’s Soul Lives on in His Shoes

Posted on February 21, 2009 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

by Michele Neff Hernandez — My husband had a shoe fetish. Phillip owned shoes for all occasions and athletic events-some were kept only for their sentimental value. To him, each pair either served a purpose or told a story, so there was no getting rid of them. This caused a serious storage issue. In addition to his side of the closet, he claimed the entire space under our bed. According to my husband, shoes could not be stacked, which meant the entire perimeter of the bed was lined with shoes. My shoes were piled in the closet in order to […]

Creating Memorial Services with Heart, Part of the Caregiving Journey

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by Carol O'Dell

Creating a meaningful memorial service for your loved one is cathartic, and you don’t have to wait until your loved one passes to begin to think about what they–and you–want and need. It’s a part of caregiving you’d rather not thnk about, but it’s the last thing you can do to honor their wishes and gather everyone around to reminisce, consol each other, and share precious memories. Planning funerals and/or memorial services takes time, and you’d rather spend those last few weeks and days your loved one has on earth at their side. You may find that planning your loved one’s memorial […]

Grief, Guilt, Death, Denial: a different experience for all

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by admin

by Mel Menzies There is a tendency to assume that, following a bereavement, grief must adhere to a certain pattern to be real. But this is not true. The process of mourning, following the loss of a loved one, is different for everyone, and looking for a set response from someone is a dangerous expectation. My reactions, when I lost my adult daughter, may be quite different to yours in a similar situation. And yours, in turn, may be opposite to someone close to you. It is important to grasp this concept, especially between parents who have lost a child, […]

Public Grief Rituals: What You Can DO

Posted on February 20, 2009 - by Joy Johnson Brown

By Joy Johnson — There are wonderful public rituals to enrich and comfort us after a death. The Bringing of Food In most communities people bring casseroles or snacks to the home following a death. It’s a time of talking and remembering and telling the story. Every time the doorbell rang, a friend was there with everything from my favorite cookies to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Every time they came in I told them what happened. The Story Asking, “What happened?” may be as caring as saying, “I love you.” When we tell the story of the death, what we did, […]

Contributing Writer Ruff Publishes Book About Daughter

Posted on February 19, 2009 - by Coralease Ruff

Coralease Cox Ruff, a contributing writer for Open to Hope, has written a new book about her daughter, who died at the age of 21. A bereaved mother and grief educator, Ms. Ruff skillfully combines her daughter’s biography with a grief book to produce Her Light Still Shines, a beautiful tribute to her daughter and an invaluable guide for bereaved parents. This moving story celebrates the life of Candice M. Ruff who profoundly touched many lives in her short 21 years. Her mother lovingly presents the mirrors that form the kaleidoscope of her life by incorporating Candice’s writings and friends’ […]

Death Cracks Us Open

Posted on February 19, 2009 - by Tom Zuba

By Tom Zuba — I believe that the death of someone we love cracks us open. I believe it’s supposed to. Death shatters us. It breaks us into a million tiny pieces. And as the minutes turn to hours, and the hours turn to days, the days to weeks, the weeks to months, and somehow, someway, the months to years, we slowly hunt for the shattered pieces of our self. Some of the found pieces we reclaim realizing, with relief and amazement, that they still fit. We need them. Try as we may, though, at times with much sadness and […]

“Widow’s Weeds” — Symbols of Mourning and the Profound Effect of Colors on Our Emotions

Posted on February 18, 2009 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In the not-so-distant past, when an individual within a family died, there was a prescribed period of mourning, during which expectations of the bereaved family were lightened. In fact, if the mourners did engage in excessive activities, including entertaining guests or attending social events, it was perceived as being disrespectful to the deceased. There were also many conventions that symbolically told others that an individual or a family was in mourning, for example, the black wreath on the door, or, during WWII, the gold star in the window. Clothing also symbolized grief, most notably the Victorian era’s […]