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How Do I Know If I Need Counseling?

Posted on November 24, 2008 - by Neil Chethik

Melissa asks this question: Two years ago, I lost a best friend unexpectedly, and I had to bear the news to her two young kids with no one there to help. After that, I ended a 12-year relationship and lost my grandfather. I took all of this in stride. Do you think this is healthy without having sought any counseling? I made changes and moved back home to start over. Dr. Robert Neimeyer, author of Lessons of Loss: A Guide to Coping, responds:Dear Melissa: As you recognize, there are times when talking to a counselor about our reactions to loss makes plenty […]

Making Choices

Posted on November 23, 2008 - by Sandy Fox

by Sandy Fox “If life doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.” I don’t know who said that, but it’s true. After your child dies, you have a choice: to continue living or to lie down and give up. I chose to live. In order to do that, I had to have a new purpose in my life. Whether it was a cause, helping others or just finding new interests, my life took on new meaning eventually, and as I look back now, 14 years later, I know I have my daughter to thank for all that has happened […]

Understanding Sibling Survivor Guilt

Posted on November 23, 2008 - by Neil Chethik

By Bob Baugher – When a sibling dies, the surviving brothers and sisters often feel enormous guilt. Here are five common types of guilt with a brief description of each. 1. Death-Causation Guilt — In this type of guilt, the sibling actually caused the death or perceived that he or she did something to contribute to the death. 2. If-Only Guilt — Here, the person thinks again and again about all the possible factors that could have somehow contributed to the death. When an auto accident is the cause of death, common thoughts may be: “If only I hadn’t driven.” “If only I hadn’t […]

After Daughter’s Death, Mother Finds Way Back to God

Posted on November 22, 2008 - by Lisa Buell

By Lisa Buell —

From Sad to Silly: Christmas Memories Salve Widow’s Pain

Posted on November 20, 2008 - by Michele Neff Hernandez

By Michele Neff Hernandez — There is a song on the radio at this time of year, sung by the Carpenters, called “Merry Christmas, Darling.” The first Christmas after my husband Phil died, hearing this song sent me into fits of tears. Not the sweet, sad, nostalgic type of tears-these were the hitting my hands on the dashboard or kicking my bed, angry, unreasonable type of tears. Every time the song came on, I wanted to scream at the beautiful voice on the radio because the sentiment was so infuriating. The lyrics proclaim that every day is a holiday with […]

Life Will Never Be the Same — But You Can Get Through This

Posted on November 19, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

In response to “How Do I Cope After the Death of My Husband?” Arlene writes: I lost my husband a week ago today, I buried him yesterday. One minute I am numb the next I am crying my eyes out. I love and miss my best friend….I just don’t know what to do….I can’t forget his eyes as they were taking him in the ambulance, they were pleading with me and I couldn’t help him….I can’t close my eyes without seeing his pleading eyes to help him, he knew he was dying, it was a massive heart attack and […]

Last Conversation With Son is Deep, Loving

Posted on November 19, 2008 - by Yvonne Lancaster

By Yvonne E. Lancaster — Coming home was a tough time of day. It signaled the end of the occupational work day, and the beginning of the personal work evening…preparing dinner, doing laundry, taxiing kids, whatever else kept me going until 11 p.m. My 5 p.m. homecoming blues had often been softened by seeing my oldest son Brian’s familiar dark blue Chevy Citation sitting in the driveway. His bumper stickers read: “Free the Beaches” and “Save the Whales.” My heart was always warmed to know I’d raised a son who was a caring person. As I deftly balanced grocery bags, […]

It’s OK to Laugh… and Other Hints for the Holidays

Posted on November 18, 2008 - by Tom Zuba

By Tom Zuba — My 18-month-old daughter Erin died suddenly on July 18, 1990. Had she lived, we’d be preparing for her 20th birthday this January 2. Even though I had grown up aware that children do die – my own baby brother Danny died when I was just 6 years old – nothing prepared me for my daughter’s death. I was ill-equipped and ill-prepared as were most, if not all, of the people in my circle. That first holiday season, and the next, and even the next were difficult for my wife and me. I wish someone had handed […]

Having That Difficult Conversation: How to Talk About Uncomfortable Issues

Posted on November 17, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

What makes a good conversation? Two people who want to talk–and listen. Sometimes, they use words, but a conversation can consist of a glance, a the touch of a hand–it’s about connection. You can’t force it, and if you try too hard, it shows. The art of conversation starts with you–and what you bring to the table. The best conversationalists have a great sense of emotional intelligence, are easy, approachable, mix humor and poignancy, and can slide from subject to subject at a blink. It’s got a lot to do with a deep sense of confidence. There’s nothing sexier, more alluring, […]

Pain, the Unwanted Gift

Posted on November 16, 2008 - by Bernie Siegel

By Bernie Siegel, MD — At workshops, I frequently ask people if they would like to be free of all pain, emotional and physical. However, I tell those who sign up for what they think will be a gift to take my phone number with them so when they experience the problems associated with feeling no pain, they can call and cancel the supposed gift. Think about lepers and diabetics with peripheral neuropathy who are losing their limbs because they cannot feel infections or injuries. Then think about our feelings and emotions and how important it is to respond to […]