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Poem: The Promise

Posted on November 15, 2008 - by Genesse Gentry

Your birth brought me star shine, the moon and the sun; my wishes, dreams, gathered round my little one. My life became sacred, full of promise and light wrapped up in the child who brought love at first sight. The years of your living filled with laughter and tears, excitement, adventure, some boredom, some fears, but ended too quickly, ahead of its time the loss so horrendous, such heartbreak was mine. But from the beginning, one thought rose so clear: never would your death erase the years that you were here. I would not be defeated or diminished by your […]

Caregivers: There’s Nothing More Important Than a Good Conversation

Posted on November 14, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

I love the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi–the beauty found in imperfection. There’s nothing more imperfect than family life. The fusses, fights, secrets, and misunderstandings add texture to your life–and salt to your stories. I found this definition at Nobel Harbor, written by Tadao Ando, a Japanese architect. This essay on Wabi Sabi so touched me that I thought I’d share it–it’s how I strive to live my life. Pared down to its barest essence, wabi-sabi is the Japanese art of finding beauty in imperfection and profundity in nature, of accepting the natural cycle of growth, decay, and death. It’s simple, slow, […]

What To Say When Someone’s Parent Has Died

Posted on November 14, 2008 - by Annette Gonzalez

By Annette Gonzalez — My parents died within five months of one another. This was a most difficult time in my life, and I was looking to family and friends for strength and comfort. At my parents’ funerals, people would say things to me that were of no comfort. In fact, some of their words made me feel worse. I’m sure that these people did not want to be insensitive; it’s just difficult to know what to say. Sometimes the right words of comfort elude us. I believe at times, it is appropriate to say nothing. I remember people telling […]

Gratitude Journal Brings Grieving Mother Relief

Posted on November 13, 2008 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — There came a point in my grief over the death of my son Clint when I became so tired of being tired. I began to search for something that would offer a bit of relief. I purchased a small notebook and began keeping a daily gratitude journal. Every day, I tried to find something to write in my journal. Most days, at first, I was just grateful that I had made it through another day. As time went on, I began to find small things of which I was truly grateful. I began to see that […]

Has Caregiving Changed You?

Posted on November 11, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

Has caregiving changed you? Do you no longer feel like yourself? Has a part of you died? I know. I felt this too. I felt like I lost myself in some way. I lost my spontaneity, at times, my hope, and most days, my freedom. But I’m here to let you know that it won’t always be this way. Yes, caregiving disrupts your life. Yes, caregiving dumps stress on your life by the bucket load. Yes, caregiving will test every physical, emotional and moral fiber you have–and it hunts for frays and weak spots. But I’d still do it again. (I […]

What can Kids Hold Onto After a Parent has Died?

Posted on November 10, 2008 - by admin

By Harriet Hodgson It has been just over a month since my daughter was killed in a car crash. Every day has been a day of tears, some voiced, some silent. My 15-year-old twin grandchildren are so overcome with grief they are almost paralyzed. Both of them are looking for reminders of their mom, things they can hold onto, and my husband and I have given them things. The twins want to hear stories about their mother. But it is the values their mother instilled in them — values passed from one generation to the next […]

Prescription Drug Addiction Leads to Brother’s Death

Posted on November 9, 2008 - by Neil Chethik

By Rod Colvin – I wrapped my birthday gift and left it on the kitchen table. As I headed to work, I pondered where to take my brother Randy for his birthday. The upcoming evening was to be one of celebration. Not only was Randy turning 35, he had just completed his college degree in business. But around noon, I got a telephone call at my office. It was a nurse from a nearby hospital, informing me that my brother had just been brought in by rescue squad. He was in critical condition. Terrified, I jumped in the car and […]

Planning Helps With the ‘Firsts’

Posted on November 8, 2008 - by Susan Gilbert & Suzanne Redfern

By Sue Gilbert and Suzanne Redfern – The following is an excerpt from The Grieving Garden, authored by Suzanne Redfern and Susan Gilbert (Hampton Roads Publishing, 2008). In this excerpt, Susan Benveniste, one of the book’s 22 contributors, speaks of her family’s first celebrations, including Thanksgiving, without their daughter, Shelly. Enduring the “firsts” can be one of the hardest obstacles to face. Examples of the firsts are: holidays, birthdays, Mother’s or Father’s Day, and the death-day anniversary. These days can hit with a vengeance, like a blow to the gut. Planning in advance how to celebrate or spend these days […]

Alcoholic Families Create Legacy of Loss

Posted on November 7, 2008 - by Penelope Wesley

By Penelope Wesley — We usually don’t think of alcoholism as a loss, but it creates ripples of loss in every direction. My experience with alcohol and abuse consists of being raised with an alcoholic father and a mother who turned to drinking later and attempted to hide it, and my own struggle with drinking to drown out my memories. These memories included watching my mother being physically abused and being chased around the house by my father with a butcher knife. I grew up in fear of anger and became afraid to talk. I often feared that my father would go to […]

Obama Right to Interrupt Campaign

Posted on November 6, 2008 - by Neil Chethik

President-elect Barack Obama’s decision to leave the campaign trail to visit his dying grandmother may have been difficult in the short run: it came less than two weeks before election day. But the decision is almost certain to help him now as he comes to terms with her death. Research from The FatherLoss Survey, which I conducted for my book, FatherLoss, indicates that taking the time to connect with a dying loved one in the last days of his or her life promotes successful grieving. In the survey of 300 men whose fathers had died, only 40 percent said they had […]