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When Things Go to Hell in a Handbasket — Coping with the Financial Aspects of Spouse Loss

Posted on September 17, 2008 - by Beverly Chantalle McManus

For most of our 20 years of marriage, Steve very capably handled all the finances and paperwork for our household.   He brought his skills as an accountant and legal librarian to managing all of our accounts, organizing all of our paperwork and files, handling all the taxes and associated documentation, and making sure all the bills were paid on time each month. Like almost everything else he did, he made it seem effortless.   I remember breezily watching him zip his way around Quicken, and always pretended to be interested when he’d show me the latest budget he’d created, […]

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The Benefits of Laughter–A Caregiver’s Greatest Ally

Posted on September 17, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

My mom may have had Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and a heart condition, but she could still say and do the craziest things. It’s okay to laugh. We have to. If we don’t, we’ll just dissolve into a puddle on the floor. Why is laughter so good for you? “The old saying that ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart,” says Michael Miller, M.D., F.A.C.C., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center. “We don’t know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that […]

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“A Tsunami”: Suicidal Crisis Up Close

Posted on September 17, 2008 - by DeQuincy Lezine

By DeQuincy Lezine — (Editor’s note: Dr. Lezine attempted suicide during college, then turned his personal despair into advocacy by forming the first student-led college mental health and suicide prevention group. Here is the story of his suicidal crisis.) Normally I tell people that you don’t just wake up one day and say, “Hey, I’m suicidal today.” No one moment, no single event, is enough by itself to create a suicidal crisis. Instead, multiple events or situations, known as risk factors, combine to increase the chances that a person will consider and attempt suicide. But one of the paradoxes of […]

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I Feel Like I’m Going Crazy! Mom/Dad Acted Fine at the Doctor’s Office

Posted on September 17, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

How can a person who doesn’t remember their own son or daughter, keeps their purse in the freezer and thinks that trees are talking to them act completely normal in front of a stranger? It’s called social convention abilities, or social response abilities, which means your loved one who you know has dementia/Alzheimer’s, can get their act ”together” in front of the doctor or some other person and talk or act fine. It can seem as if you’ve been tricked. Social convention means that all those years we’ve walked past someone and said, “Hello, how are you? I’m fine” are now hard-wired […]

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Loss of A Sibling

Posted on September 16, 2008 - by admin

by P. Gill White, PhD For many years I have denied the unusual experience that happened to me when my sister Linda was in the hospital just prior to her death from cancer at the age of 13.  I realize now that this was a significant part of my spiritual journey. She had been in the hospital for nearly 4 months.  One night, I was asleep at home when I heard her softly calling my name….”Pat….Pa-a-a-t” –over and over.  I woke up and looked around.  The room was dark but a little light came in from the streetlights outside.  I […]

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Mom Remembers a Son Who Died Too Young

Posted on September 15, 2008 - by Debra Reagan

By Debra Reagan — Everyone was so excited when Clint came into our lives that beautiful day in May. While we were at the hospital the day he was born, the contractor began work on our new home. We were a young family with many hopes and dreams. Clint was a delightful child and made our family of four complete. He was very affectionate and loved the touch of those around him. Clint’s older brother, Blake, told every visitor, “He is our baby and you can’t take him with you.” As Clint grew from our baby to our little boy, […]

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When Does Touch Become Critical?

Posted on September 12, 2008 - by Abel Keogh

Writer and widow Elaine Williams examines the yearning for touch following the loss of a spouse due to death, divorce or physical separation. She’s trying to be patient, she writes, but some days are hard.

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I Think I’m Depressed: A Caregiver’s Deep-Dark Secret

Posted on September 11, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

I’m Carol D. O’Dell, and I hope you’ll check out my book, Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir, available on Amazon I Think I’m Depressed– Have you had this thought but couldn’t say it out loud? Caregiver depression doesn’t always look like depression. That means it can go undiagnosed for a very long time. Caregivers can’t (or don’t) stop. They don’t lock themselves in darkened bedrooms for days on end. They don’t necessarily cry or stop eating. They keep on caring for their loved ones. They suffer in silence. So, what does caregiver depression look like? It can be […]

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Survivors of 9/11: Rediscovering the Heroes Inside

Posted on September 11, 2008 - by Norman Fried

By Norman Fried In her front page article in Wednesday’s New York Times, Anemona Hartocollis reports on the current lives of some of the survivors of the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center. “Maimed on 9/11, and Trying to be Whole Again” highlights several men and women who were critically wounded, partially paralyzed, and emotionally transformed as a result of the events of that day. But her article is also a treatise on the human will to survive and to “rebuild a harbor,” as poet Yehuda Amichai once said, long after the ship has gone down. According to […]

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On Choice and Grief by Henya Shanun-Klein, Ph.D.

Posted on September 11, 2008 - by admin

Printed with permissions and courtesy of Dr. Henya Shanun-Klein, Ph.D. When Grief drags us down, leaving us breathlessly beat at the bottom of bottoms – we are confronted with a dilemma: should we stay ‘down under’? Or should we make an effort to surface, to breathe again? Staying ‘down under’ means to, eventually, die of suicide. Question: Is that what our living or dead children want or would have wanted us to do? If the answer is “no!” then there’s only one true option: Re-learn to breathe, re-learn to live, learn to find new meaning in life. As described in […]

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