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Is It OK to Keep Memento of Son’s Accident?

Posted on September 9, 2008 - by Robert Neimeyer

Susan of Texas asks: My son died in a car accident, and I find comfort from holding a piece of glass from my son’s demolished car. My friend thinks this is strange. Is she right, or do other people do what I do? Dr. Bob Neimeyer responds: It sounds like your friend is not a bereaved parent. Many people find solace in maintaining contact with their loved one through cherished “linking objects,” whether these are a child’s favorite toy, a husband’s sweater, or in this case, a piece of broken glass. At the core of grief is the urge […]

9/11 and the ‘Shelf Life’ of Grief

Posted on September 9, 2008 - by Norman Fried

By Norman Fried It is a widely accepted belief that, as time passes, mourners’ responses to loss and trauma change. We understand that the physical reactions of grief, including psychomotor retardation, disorientation, fatigue, and panic seem to lessen. We know that spiritual growth and religious connections develop for some mourners as time begins to pass. And we agree that many who have suffered a loss find themselves more mobilized as time marches on, devoting their energies to fund-raising or consciousness-raising programs in honor of a loved one who died. But the question remains: Is there really a “shelf life” for […]

“I Don’t Want to Live With my Adult Children!” Our Parent’s Perspective

Posted on September 8, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

If you’re a caregiver/son, daughter, please read this post. You need to put yourself in their shoes. But I don’t want to live with my adult children! Me neither. (And I wrote the book, Mothering Mother–and my mom lived with me the last (almost) three years of her life!) That’s my point–my mother lived on her own–with Parkinson’s and early dementia until she was 89 years old! We’ll all be in this predicament one day–if we live that long–so we need to be empathetic. My kids are grown, responsible, and we all love each other–and I still don’t relish the thought […]

Dealing With the Suicide of a Spouse

Posted on September 8, 2008 - by Abel Keogh

Larry from Virginia asks: I am angry at my wife and angry at God. My wife shot herself after receiving the news that she had been fired for a drinking problem. How do I deal with the fact that my pastor says, “God does not give more than we can endure?” Some days I feel like jumping off a bridge but I have two boys to raise. Any advice? Abel Keogh, author of the memoir, Room for Two (Cedar Fort, 2007), responds: I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s suicide. My heart and prayers go out to […]

Did I Make A Mistake Having an Only Child?

Posted on September 5, 2008 - by Bob Baugher

Question from Anne: My mother warned me not to have an only child. I guess I should have listened to her as my son died of cancer last year. Do you think she was right and that I made a mistake? How do I live with such a big mistake? Dr. Bob Baugher responds: Thank you for your question. First off, my heart goes out to you as you cope with the death of your precious son. Grief is hard and a common grief reaction is guilt. One type of guilt is called “If-only Guilt” in which we go back […]

Poem: My Grandfather and His War Buddies Outside a Whiting Diner, Age 10

Posted on September 4, 2008 - by admin

By David Harrity W.J.H., Sr., b. January 31, 1924, d. May 1, 2000 I was old enough to remember your hands waking me-the stars just beginning to move west. But I was too young to understand. The moon found its way down the dark, the flecks sank to the horizon. Light was coming, morning stirring. I was old enough to remember your hands. Stories of your French girls and Borneo still stand fresh in my head. I know now that I was too young to understand. Tobacco burned over my shoulders, the smoke’s gray taste against my tongue. Like your […]

The Story Of Gana: What Animals Teach About Grief

Posted on September 3, 2008 - by Norman Fried

By Norman Fried Last week, the internet and newspapers across Europe and America posted pictures of an 11-year-old gorilla named Gana clutching the corpse of her 3-month-old baby Claudio for days before surrendering his lifeless body to zookeepers. As Gana persisted in cradling her baby, questions by primatologists, psychologists and other social scientists arose. Do animals have a cognitive appreciation of their own mortality? Do they grieve as adult humans do? Or are they simply confused? In her September 2nd article in The New York Times, Natalie Angier presents data by scientists that suggest another theory: that elaborate displays of […]

Do You Feel Trapped by Caregiving?

Posted on September 2, 2008 - by Carol O'Dell

If you’re a family caregiver, you can feel like you’re under house arrest for a crime you didn’t commit. It’s not that you don’t want to care for your loved one, it’s just that you didn’t realize it would wind up feeling like that’s all you do. If you’re not careful, resentments can mushroom. This season of caregiving–when you can no longer leave your loved one “home alone” can be a difficult adjustment for a caregiver–especially if you didn’t realize it was coming. Maybe you thought you had more time to prepare. For some, their loved one has dementia/Alzheimer’s and […]

Saying Goodbye to Dad

Posted on September 2, 2008 - by Thomas Attig

By Thomas Attig I remember my last visit before Dad died in 1969. Mom called me at graduate school to tell me that he was quite ill (he’d suffered a stroke four years earlier) and had been admitted to the hospital again. She made it clear that if I came, it would be my last visit. Though incredibly weak, Dad, as usual, was glad to see me. Our conversation was minimal. Quiet time predominated. He seemed surprised at my visit, since I had visited him at home not long before. Yet, he acted not so surprised. It was as if […]

A Spiritual Journey

Posted on September 2, 2008 - by John Pete

A wise person once said that ‘grieving is not the same as loving.’ And I believe that once we truly understand and accept that, we can begin to heal. (John Pete, GC-C) I was recently asked what I believed the difference was between spirituality and religion. I view religion as a set of beliefs grounded in traditions that can be learned and practiced. And I view spirituality as the internal force that connects our ability to feel with our ability to reason, and which often drives us to explore our existence and purpose. Death is a part of our journey, […]