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When the Pregnancy Test Looks Bad

Posted on October 30, 2022 - by Ken Lefkowitz

The Pregnancy Test Looks Bad “The baby may be developing the same thing that caused our first baby’s death,” I informed my mother in a broken voice. My face was covered by a wet film of sweat. I was ashen underneath. When the words left my lips, my mouth swelled. I breathed heavily and erratically. I felt like my heart had stopped beating. My mother fell into the couch, slumped over. She looked at the floor and clutched her breast like someone who had been shot by an assassin. There was no blood, but she was drenched in horror. The […]

Offering Grief Support to Those in Mourning

Posted on October 28, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

Offering Grief Support I hear many sad tales of people who suffer the loss of a loved one followed by abandonment of people who love them but don’t know how to support them during grief. I understand. Offering grief support to someone who is experiencing a major loss is more difficult than we might think. It is tempting to believe that doing something wrong is worse than doing nothing. The thought of hurting someone in grief is an agony in itself. Grief is a Lonely Place When you are living without someone who has played a significant role in your life, […]

Mothers After Suicide: Potent Memories

Posted on October 26, 2022 - by Jean Williams

Watering the Apple Tree Less than a year before he died, our son Joshua watered our apple tree often. I doubted the watering he did would help, because the tree had never given us much fruit. One morning, Joshua watered for a full hour. I shook my head and came outside to discuss the cost of his efforts. I ended my speech with, “Son, I think you’re over watering.” He kept his eyes on the spray. “What makes you think this?” I pointed at the ground. “You’re flooding the tree, and the water bill is too high.” “Mom,” Joshua said […]

Hope Fatigue: Can We Keep Hope Alive?

Posted on October 24, 2022 - by Sara Striefel

I learned a term recently that inspired a new conversation with myself and with the world around me: Hope fatigue. Hope fatigue itself isn’t new. We’ve all experienced the feeling of getting excited about the promise of change, of “better times” ahead, only to find that life seems to stay the same, or it gets darker, scarier, more uncertain. Even though we were initially excited, and maybe even inspired, what we’re left with is one more piece of evidence that, actually, things never change. Maybe they never will. And if I keep fighting to keep hope alive, even in the […]

Holiday Grief Planning May Ease the Pain

Posted on October 21, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

As we enter the holiday season, careful planning is important for those who are dealing with a profound or recent loss. Holiday grief planning can change the season from potentially unbearable to pleasant or even joyful. Holiday Grief Planning Consider how you plan to obtain additional emotional support. If being alone is too painful, invite someone over, or accept an invitation that you might not normally accept. Let Others Know What You Need People mean well, but sometimes need to be told how to respond to you and the loss. Out of fear of saying the “wrong” thing, people sometimes […]

Coping with Holidays After Death of a Loved One

Posted on October 18, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

The death of a loved one is a traumatic and emotionally painful experience. Coping during the holidays is a particularly difficult time for dealing with loss. Here are suggestions that may help alleviate that pain, and to foster healing and meaning. Be Fully Present Allow yourself to be fully present with your emotions and sensations. Even though grief can feel terrible and overwhelming, it is a normal reaction to death, and a healthy part of the healing process. Allow the tears to flow when you feel like crying. During grief, we sometimes experience our loved one through our senses. This […]

Blissful Memories from the Year Before a Loss

Posted on October 17, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

I don’t know if this phenomenon is typical or atypical. In my grief journey, I try to accept what comes. I believe that God works with our psyche to chart the course of healing we need. So, typical or not – I endeavor to embrace whatever path presents itself to me. A Golden Year I hold the year stretching from Christmas 2018 (my favorite family photo below) to Christmas Eve 2019 as a golden year. Life was good; really good. I had dug into some dark corners of my past and pulled the pain into the light. That difficult work […]

Overcoming Paralyzing Fear

Posted on October 14, 2022 - by John Beerman

When Fear Calls It seemed to always happen at the most delicate of times. We were in Santa Rosa, California, interviewing for a ministerial position I had coveted for quite some time. I had completed about two-thirds of the interview process. Then I received a call from my daughter Theresa threatening suicide. It had happened before and would happen again, always it seemed at a time of great stress already. On the Friday when the interview process began, a gala dinner had been held with the search committee and board of directors. It was lovely. The night was filled with […]

Discovering After-Death Communication

Posted on October 13, 2022 - by Rebecca Austill-Clausen

Learning Bad News The sun beamed brightly as my 34-year-old brother David and I laughed and reminisced while walking along the sandy shores of Coast Guard National Seashore in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Our family had just gathered for our annual camping vacation, and it was great being together again. David came out that he was gay when he was 22 years old. Twelve years later, thousands of people were dying of AIDS weekly. There was no cure. “Hey David, have you been tested for AIDS?” I ask casually. David turned away. The sun went behind the clouds and a chill […]

Speak Their Names

Posted on October 12, 2022 - by Judy Lipson

My parents never spoke about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane as the pain too hard for them. I followed their lead and did not mention Margie and Jane. For years when asked how many siblings I had, my breath stopped, and I answered, “Just me.” Tt’s a challenging question for almost all bereaved siblings. Today I state, “I am the middle of three, and sadly, I lost both my sisters.” When Jane died, someone said to me, “There will be a day when you will forget your sister.” For years, this haunted me. I lost memories and squashed any […]