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Mothers After Suicide: Potent Memories

Posted on October 26, 2022 - by Jean Williams

Watering the Apple Tree Less than a year before he died, our son Joshua watered our apple tree often. I doubted the watering he did would help, because the tree had never given us much fruit. One morning, Joshua watered for a full hour. I shook my head and came outside to discuss the cost of his efforts. I ended my speech with, “Son, I think you’re over watering.” He kept his eyes on the spray. “What makes you think this?” I pointed at the ground. “You’re flooding the tree, and the water bill is too high.” “Mom,” Joshua said […]

Hope Fatigue: Can We Keep Hope Alive?

Posted on October 24, 2022 - by Sara Striefel

I learned a term recently that inspired a new conversation with myself and with the world around me: Hope fatigue. Hope fatigue itself isn’t new. We’ve all experienced the feeling of getting excited about the promise of change, of “better times” ahead, only to find that life seems to stay the same, or it gets darker, scarier, more uncertain. Even though we were initially excited, and maybe even inspired, what we’re left with is one more piece of evidence that, actually, things never change. Maybe they never will. And if I keep fighting to keep hope alive, even in the […]

Holiday Grief Planning May Ease the Pain

Posted on October 21, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

As we enter the holiday season, careful planning is important for those who are dealing with a profound or recent loss. Holiday grief planning can change the season from potentially unbearable to pleasant or even joyful. Holiday Grief Planning Consider how you plan to obtain additional emotional support. If being alone is too painful, invite someone over, or accept an invitation that you might not normally accept. Let Others Know What You Need People mean well, but sometimes need to be told how to respond to you and the loss. Out of fear of saying the “wrong” thing, people sometimes […]

Coping with Holidays After Death of a Loved One

Posted on October 18, 2022 - by Dr. Peggy DeLong

The death of a loved one is a traumatic and emotionally painful experience. Coping during the holidays is a particularly difficult time for dealing with loss. Here are suggestions that may help alleviate that pain, and to foster healing and meaning. Be Fully Present Allow yourself to be fully present with your emotions and sensations. Even though grief can feel terrible and overwhelming, it is a normal reaction to death, and a healthy part of the healing process. Allow the tears to flow when you feel like crying. During grief, we sometimes experience our loved one through our senses. This […]

Blissful Memories from the Year Before a Loss

Posted on October 17, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

I don’t know if this phenomenon is typical or atypical. In my grief journey, I try to accept what comes. I believe that God works with our psyche to chart the course of healing we need. So, typical or not – I endeavor to embrace whatever path presents itself to me. A Golden Year I hold the year stretching from Christmas 2018 (my favorite family photo below) to Christmas Eve 2019 as a golden year. Life was good; really good. I had dug into some dark corners of my past and pulled the pain into the light. That difficult work […]

Overcoming Paralyzing Fear

Posted on October 14, 2022 - by John Beerman

When Fear Calls It seemed to always happen at the most delicate of times. We were in Santa Rosa, California, interviewing for a ministerial position I had coveted for quite some time. I had completed about two-thirds of the interview process. Then I received a call from my daughter Theresa threatening suicide. It had happened before and would happen again, always it seemed at a time of great stress already. On the Friday when the interview process began, a gala dinner had been held with the search committee and board of directors. It was lovely. The night was filled with […]

Discovering After-Death Communication

Posted on October 13, 2022 - by Rebecca Austill-Clausen

Learning Bad News The sun beamed brightly as my 34-year-old brother David and I laughed and reminisced while walking along the sandy shores of Coast Guard National Seashore in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Our family had just gathered for our annual camping vacation, and it was great being together again. David came out that he was gay when he was 22 years old. Twelve years later, thousands of people were dying of AIDS weekly. There was no cure. “Hey David, have you been tested for AIDS?” I ask casually. David turned away. The sun went behind the clouds and a chill […]

Speak Their Names

Posted on October 12, 2022 - by Judy Lipson

My parents never spoke about my beloved sisters Margie and Jane as the pain too hard for them. I followed their lead and did not mention Margie and Jane. For years when asked how many siblings I had, my breath stopped, and I answered, “Just me.” Tt’s a challenging question for almost all bereaved siblings. Today I state, “I am the middle of three, and sadly, I lost both my sisters.” When Jane died, someone said to me, “There will be a day when you will forget your sister.” For years, this haunted me. I lost memories and squashed any […]

Rituals Honor Our Transitions

Posted on October 10, 2022 - by Stephanie Sarazin

Rituals vs. Ceremonies Regardless of upbringing, it’s likely you’ve participated in a variety of rituals and ceremonies throughout your lifetime. Though the terms are often confused or used interchangeably, their differences are important to understand. Think of a ceremony as an event performed in honor of something special, like a birthday party or wedding. A ritual, meanwhile, is an action or group of actions: like singing the happy birthday song, blowing out candles, and eating cake. You may ritualize the end of the workweek by ordering pizza every Friday night. Or you might, at bedtime, repeat the same prayer before […]

Survivor: The Holiday Grief Challenge

Posted on October 10, 2022 - by Colleen Friesen

A quick Google search revealed that the popular Reality TV show, “Survivor,” is now into its 43rd season. The fabricated dramas and constructed struggles those contestants endure have nothing on what we, as grievers, face in the coming months. Preparing for the Challenge I have lived my life embracing my free-spirit attitude. When I married my second husband, he showed me the beauty of organization. He helped me to see that being an organized free spirit is great! With his support, I began facing the losses of my past. Part of that was recognizing that when painful times hit, I would […]