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Trying to Make Sense of a Tragedy

Posted on October 4, 2019 - by Bob Baugher

You’ve heard it many times: News flash—A man was assaulted today. According to authorities, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just look at the word “wrong” used twice in the sentence, and you can definitely see that the poor fellow seemed to somehow be at fault. Why do we humans come up with reasons to blame the victim? A term from Psychology may give us some insight into this common human failing: The Just World Hypothesis (JWH). It goes like this: People believe that it is a just world—what goes around comes around—what ye’ sow ye’ […]

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Assembling Your Widower Advisory Board

Posted on October 2, 2019 - by Herb Knoll

Men need support after the loss of a spouse, and one way to get it is to create a team of people who can coach you. I refer to them as a Widower’s Personal Advisory Board. They could be a team of individuals, hailing from your collection of lifelong friends, a neighbor, a fellow parishioner from your church, relatives or a select group of professionals (doctor, lawyer, financial planner, life-coach, confidante, etc.). Your Personal Advisory Board represents your go-to team, whose job it is to become familiar with your life situation and advise you as needed. Forming a Personal Advisory […]

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Widowers Need To Be Coachable

Posted on October 2, 2019 - by Herb Knoll

What do Tom Brady, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, and Derek Jeter all have in common? We could start with a considerable amount of athletic ability. Each has been recognized as among the best of the best in their individual sport.  They also had one secret weapon each used to master their play. One trait that is commonly seen in “high achievers” from all walks of life. They were “coachable.” Think about it.  Tom, Wayne, Michael, and Derek earned enormous amounts of salary for their athletic prowess, yet, they were willing subjects who intently listened to the coaching offered by men […]

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What I Learned from Reading 2,000 Deathbed Fantasies

Posted on September 30, 2019 - by Bob Baugher

It’s true. I’ve read a couple thousand submissions by people who wrote what it might feel like if they had 20 minutes to live: who they would want at their bedside, who would they not want there, what they would say to the entire group, what they would say to each individual, their future regrets and what they learned from the writing. I require students to create a 4-digit ID number that they will use for everything they submit in class. On the first day they write their name on one side of a blank 3 x 5 card and […]

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Getting Pregnant Again After the Loss of a Child

Posted on September 26, 2019 - by Catherine McNulty

This excerpt is from Catherine McNulty’s book, The Gifts of Grief. “I wanted to give up the struggle and not try again.”  Trying to get pregnant again after the loss of Jackson was a difficult decision. After all, why would anyone want to submit themselves to all the pain and trauma that we had just been through? We’d have to be crazy right? I guess I was. My desire to be a mother was stronger than ever. After all, I was still a mother; I just no longer had a son to hold and care for. Because of who I […]

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He Talked about His Son and I Didn’t See a Tear

Posted on September 24, 2019 - by Bob Baugher

 It’s interesting how human behavior can fool us. We look at someone and think, “OK, I’ve got her all figured out” and then she does something we would have never predicted. When I was younger and would meet someone who mentioned the death of their loved one, it never dawned on me that this individual could still be experiencing some form of grief. What I saw in front of me was a person who appeared to matter-of-factly state that their loved one died and I took it literally at face value. I mean, you can’t really blame me. For example, […]

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Angels, Lights, Birdies and Butterflies: Is it Really Them?

Posted on September 24, 2019 - by Nina Impala

When are loved ones leave us sometimes we will have profound dreams of them. Those dreams can be alarming or bring peace. In the early stages of grief, we want to know  they made it safety to heaven. After all, it is a journey. Are you looking for signs from your loved ones? I know I did. I had so many dreams about my mom in the beginning. It will be 9 years and I so WISH to dream of her all the time because I want to SEE her. At this stage though 9 years later, I feel her […]

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We Don’t Die. Our Bodies Do.

Posted on September 24, 2019 - by Bernie Siegel

As someone who has had a near death and past life experience, I know the truth about what we call death. When my wife died 18 months ago, the incredible experiences I had were not surprising to me at all. First, I have a patient who is a mystic and she called after my wife died to tell me a woman who was an opera singer contacted her to tell her Bobbie was fine and back with her family. My wife’s mother was an opera singer. While in bed one night, I heard my wife’s voice and sat up and […]

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Something Beautiful Remains

Posted on September 24, 2019 - by Elaine Voci

“Tears will leave no stains, time will ease the pain, For every life that fades, something beautiful remains.” The sunlit formal room, filled with attentive mourners and the family of the deceased, was utterly quiet as I began to read the closing poem, Something Beautiful Remains (author unknown) chosen for the Celebration of Life I had just officiated. The words resonated in my own heart as I spoke them, and I felt compassion well up in my eyes for the heartache of those who had gathered to celebrate the life of their loved one who was a wife, a mom, […]

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How Grief and Addiction are Related

Posted on September 24, 2019 - by Ralph Macey

“Every man casts a shadow; not his body only, but his imperfectly mingled spirit. This is his grief. Let him turn which way he will, it falls opposite to the sun; short at noon, long at eve. Did you never see it? “ – Henry David Thoreau If we are going to talk about grief and addiction, the simple fact is that they are truly connected. In many cases, severe grief triggers addiction in us. If the former one increases with time, the latter one will also become deep. Before we understand how grief can trigger addiction, we must understand […]

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