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When You Don’t Get to Say Goodbye

Posted on April 9, 2020 - by Jill Smoot

During this world pandemic, I identified with a woman on a national newscast interview. She said the hardest thing about her mothers death was that her mom died alone, and she didn’t even get to tell her goodbye. Sudden death is extremely hard.  I know. Our oldest son died unexpectedly some years ago. He died alone. There was not any gathering around a hospital bed with family nearby. There were no sweet farewells, no parting last words.  Just a phone call one hot August day telling me Aaron had died. All the things you wish you had said, all the […]

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Mercy, Comfort and Hope During the Pandemic

Posted on April 7, 2020 - by Ann Schiebert

I don’t know about you, but when I watched the USS Mercy and the USS Comfort docking at ports on the West and East coasts, my breath was captured by the images of help and assistance coming to all of us who need medical care while the Coronavirus invades our country. There were the two hospital ships, gleaming white, with scores of medical staff waiting on the decks in expectation of arriving patients. As I watched the dockings, I thought about the genius of the names: Mercy and Comfort. Just thinking about mercy and comfort provided calm. Then I remembered […]

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Afghanistan to the U.S.: A Military Mom Coping with COVID-19

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Gloria Horsley

Which would be more anxiety producing: having a son driving a Humvee for the army in Afghanistan or testing positive for the coronavirus? On today’s Facebook Live discussion, my daughter, Dr. Heidi Horsey, and I discuss her thoughts on her son’s deployment and her recent struggle with COVID-19. The Similarities Although Heidi seems more differences between being a military parent and struggling with COVID-19, but there is a similar sense of anxiety and fear as well as the need for peer support. The support may be different in terms of physical contact and connection with other military parents while COVID-19 […]

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Socially Present Grief in a Time of Physical Distance

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Dr. Beth Hewett

Three weeks ago, a beloved deacon in the church suddenly died. His death occurred on a Tuesday morning, so the church was reliant on word of mouth and funeral notices on its website for spreading the news. Even so, the parish ministers were certain the visitations and funeral would be full, and they planned accordingly: three visitation periods and a full funeral Mass in the large church. Then, on Friday before the Saturday funeral, statewide decisions regarding the need for physical distance because of the COVID-19 virus were released. Immediately, the visitation structure was drastically changed, and the deacon’s funeral […]

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9 Ways to Prepare for Coronavirus Losses

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Stan Goldberg

Anger will do little to prepare us for the losses the coronavirus creates. The Tibetans have a saying, “You can throw hot coals at your enemies but you will burn your hands.” While anger can find an outlet for the immorality of national leaders on November 3rd, I and millions of others will need something more than a vote against Trump for the grief we will experience. There is little comfort in righteous indignation. I found solace through lessons about living and loss from patients I served for ten years  in hospice. Here are nine I found useful. Hopefully, you […]

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Food for the Journey

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Charles W. Sidoti

The phrase “food for the journey” is traditionally associated, in Catholicism, with reception of the Eucharist by the dying and their final journey from this life to eternal life through death. This concept can be traced back to the days of Roman temple worship to the belief that the final meal of a dying person provided them with strength to cross over the River Styx, an ancient mythological river that is believed to separate the living from the dead. With Jesus having left us the Eucharistic meal in his memory, the early Christians adapted a similar custom in regard to […]

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Grief in the Absence of Physical Presence

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Greg Adams

Physical presence means so much. Phone calls are good. Video connections can be better. But there is nothing like experiencing physical presence with the potential or reality of a hand on the shoulder, a hand in another’s hand, and a body-to-body hug. But now we live in a strange and stressful time of necessary physical distancing with the COVID-19 pandemic. In these days and weeks (and months?) when we feel frightened and worried, the gifts and resources of presence are limited and restricted. We connect by phone, text, social media, and video—and thank goodness for these options—but we know they […]

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What’s the Difference When Grieving For a Child?

Posted on April 6, 2020 - by Gloria Horsley

The loss of any loved one is a terrible blow that hurts our hearts and leaves us inconsolable. However, when a parent loses a child, it’s a different type of grief that can be one of the toughest to overcome. I personally believe that you never “overcome”grieving for a child. But, that the sting can become less and you can learn to tolerate the pain somewhat better as time – like many years – goes by. Grieving For a Child The baring of this pain also depends on the cause. A child dying in unbearable pain is different than a […]

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Caregivers Dealing with the Coronavirus

Posted on March 31, 2020 - by Gloria Horsley

During yesterday’s Facebook Live discussion, Heidi and I were joined by Dr. Ken Druck, a psychologist and best-selling author who has helped so many families and individuals during traumatic events like 9/11, Sandy Hook, and Columbine. He also lost his daughter, so he understands the scope of grief and grieving. Our discussion focused on how caregivers can deal with the Coronavirus as well as how all of us deal with what the situation has done in terms of creating a “living loss.” Caregivers and the Coronavirus For caregivers like Heidi who is a therapist, wife, and mother — and now […]

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Is God Big Enough to Accept Our Anger?

Posted on March 30, 2020 - by Neal Raisman

Excerpt from Standing on One Leg by Neal Raisman which is available through the author at iduhpres@hotmail.com The first time we went to Compassionate Friends, a self-help grief group for parents who had lost children, was on Suffolk County on Long Island. A faculty member at the college told me about it. Compassionate Friends had helped his wife and him when their son/stepson died. We needed help, so we went. We had talked to the rabbi at our temple but he was too into the role of rabbi as platitude to help us. We really did not need a sad […]

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