Melinda Richarz Lyons

Melinda Richarz Lyons earned a B.A. in Journalism from the University of North Texas and has been a free lance writer for over forty years. Her articles have appeared in many publications, including "Nashville Parent," "Cats Magazine," "Reminisce," "True West," "Frontier Times," "Kids, Etc.," "Cincinnati Family Magazine," "The Tennessean,"The Fort Worth Star-Telegram," "Chicken Soup for the Soul: True Love," and "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Grandmothers." Ms. Lyons is also a published songwriter, and was the 2004 co-recipient of the Academy of Western Artists Will Rogers Award for Best Song of the Year. She is the author of several books, including "WOOF: Women Only Over Fifty," "Murder at the Oaklands Mansion," and "Crossing the Minefield," the story of her journey from grief to recovery. She has four step children and nine grandchildren and currently lives in Tyler, Texas with her husband Tom.

Articles:

Why Do I Feel Worse Now Than I Did Right After My Husband Died?

The Shock of a Sudden Death Grief counseling was invaluable to me after I lost my husband, Sid. He was only 56 and died very suddenly. There were so many feelings during the grief process that seemed to come out of nowhere. Of course it didn’t make my loss less painful, but just having my feelings validated seemed to help a tiny bit. In our group session one night, our counselor explained the difference between a sudden loss and an anticipated loss. In an anticipated loss, it is as if you are standing on a beach and you see a […]

Losing a Fiance: Wedding Turned to Funeral

Recently my twenty-six-year-old niece Kate lost her fiancé in a car accident just two days before their wedding. In addition to her deep grief, Kate also had to face many issues because they were not yet married. First, I believe she was robbed of memories. When I lost my husband, at least I had almost forty years of memories to help sustain me. Kate and her fiancé did not even have the chance to begin as a married couple. Emotionally, I feel her loss is so much tougher than mine was. Not only did she lose the future she had […]

Guilt Over the Loss of a Spouse

One of my widowed friends recently told me, “I feel guilty being happy alone.” She had been happily married for over forty years and widowed for a few years. My friend explained that she had discovered how comfortable she was as a single woman. To her, being happy without her husband somehow reflected on how she felt about marriage in general, and ultimately cast a negative light on her own marriage. I am certainly not a qualified grief counselor, but as another widow I feel like the fact that my friend found peace as a single woman is perfectly normal. […]

How Do I Handle the Family of My Former Spouse?

When I lost my husband, I didn’t realize how deeply that would affect other relationships—particular with his family. When ties are broken by death, relationships with former family members often change. Of course remarrying completely shifts things, but even if you don’t remarry, your relationships are usually different after the loss of your spouse. You will always have that bond of shared memories with your husband’s mother, sister or brother, for example. But their perspective naturally, is different from yours—depending on the relationship. Also, each person involved handles grief individually, and heals at a different pace and in different ways. Any […]

Widows Suffer ‘Absence of Touch’

Six weeks after my father died, I lost my fifty-six-year-old husband very suddenly. My mother and I have often discussed how sad and strange it was to be widowed at about the same time. Because of factors like our ages, some issues we faced were obviously very different. But Mother and I also found many similarities in our journeys through grief. Recently we were talking about the many challenges we have faced as widows, and how some linger. Mother said, “Your father has been gone seven years, but one of the hardest things for me to deal with even now […]

Don’t Turn the Deceased into Perfect Person

After you lose someone you love very much, it is only natural to think about that person in a very positive way. But sometimes we can go too far, and if we do, we end up with unrealistic memories. I know my husband, Sid, was very bothered when a friend of his died, and his wife promptly turned him into a saint. Sid scolded me about that, saying, “When I go, don’t turn me into some super guy!” Of course to me, he was a super guy. But after he died, I tried to remember those words. We are all […]

Fighting Bitterness after the Loss of a Spouse

After the loss of a spouse, you face so many emotional challenges. For me, one of the most difficult was fighting the bitterness I felt after my husband suddenly died. After the shock wore off, and I plummeted into a deep depression, I found myself in the anger stage. I would obsess over questions like, “Why did my husband have to die?” “Why did this happen to me?” Sid’s death planted some seeds of bitterness that began to sprout. I started to resent other people’s happiness as I only focused on what I didn’t have anymore. I felt so cheated […]

Wedding Rings and Worldly Things

After I was widowed, I became part of a group of men and women who had each also suffered the loss of a spouse. We often got together and discussed our mutual struggles, from financial issues to decisions about when it was the right time to do certain things. What to do about wedding rings and when to do something with our spouses’ worldly possessions were topics that came up very often. And the one thing I discovered was that both of these concerns should be handled in a very individual way. I think it comes down to what you […]

Why Do People Say Hurtful Things?

I learned a lot after I lost my husband, and one of the things I learned is what not to say to someone who is grieving. We are all different, but I found it hurtful when people would say things like “Oh you will see a reason for this someday.” Maybe that would be comforting for someone else to hear, but I found those types of comments very unsettling, to say the least. Our emotions are turned upside down after a terrible loss, and in my case I know I was overly sensitive. But maybe the reason words like that […]

I’m Not a Couple Anymore

On my journey through grief, I ran into so many unexpected things. It is overwhelming enough to deal with the sadness you expect after the loss of a loved one, but I think it is even harder to deal with the many unexpected aspects of grief. One of the things that took me by surprise after the death of my husband was the loss of my couple friends. Perhaps loss is not the right word—they were still there. But as time went on, they started to drift away. That was so painful for me, but yet, as my grief counselor […]

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