Because my son is in a box on my shelf, I no longer give a shit about how I appear to the outside world.  I do not care that I am misunderstood.  I do not care that I am offensive or seem selfish.

For once in my life I have no desire to explain myself.  I want what I want out of this dense experience, and I am tired of defending that.  I will attempt, here, perhaps in vain, to do so one last time.

The only difference between myself and any other woman on this planet is that I fully embrace that this is all temporary.  And so, if what I desire doesn’t hurt anyone, why shouldn’t I have all these things?

Should I punish myself with the label of “bereaved”?  Am I not allowed to want for something more?

Oh, but I do.  I want to learn everything there is about yoga…and I think I want to speak French…and I want to read books that make me blush.  I want intense friendships and experiences with like-minded people.  I want to talk about science and spirit and passion.

Then in the same breath I want to laugh at mindless humor, get drunk on a bottle of expensive champagne and eat frozen pizza rolls until I pass out.

My son is gone.  It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right but it happened and I, I am still here.  For reasons unknown, I am still on this bizarre plane and I choose to embrace every beautiful piece of it that I can.  I encourage you to do the same.

Shannon Harris

Shannon Harris

As a young bereaved mother, I had conflicting ideas on the grieving process. Alone in a sea of much older and much more experienced bereaved parents, I turned to writing to tell my story. My hope is to offer alternative ideas to traditional forms of expressing grief and to share the love and light that I experience today. I have been writing since I was a child but have earned my living over the last 20 years in customer service, wellness, and management industries. I recently became a Certified Grief Intuitive Coach to help spread the love and share positivity with the world. My goal is to help women and especially bereaved mothers, see their value even after a loss. I reside in Northern California with my two surviving children and my little angel, ever present.

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