Caring for Surviving Siblings
A decade ago, I was fortunate to meet Heidi Horsley, a fellow surviving sibling and philanthropist. We bonded immediately. After years of being alone in my grief, I was grateful to connect with individuals who understand, are compassionate, speak the same language, and are members of the same club. Thanks to Heidi, who is executive director of Open to Hope, this year marks a decade of me contributing articles for this website.
Writing became a vital tool in my grief journey. The process began with journaling, progressed to articles, and ultimately a memoir. I never dreamed writing would become a passion alongside with ice skating.
A recent move forced me to sift through old papers. I located notes and thoughts from articles that led to sharing the story about the loss of my beloved sisters Margie and Jane. I never hesitated on the title, Celebration of Sisters, shred with the annual ice-skating fundraiser to honor my sisters. The subtitle is: It Is Never Too Late to Grieve; however, my initial concepts were: You Are Not Forgotten, Please Don’t Forget Me or Compassion/Caring for Lost and Surviving Siblings.
Writing for Surviving Siblings
I wrote the memoir to help other surviving siblings in their grief and share Margie and Jane. For thirty years, I suppressed the grief and spoke little about Margie and Jane. I love my original concept, and I don’t recall why the change. Don’t we wish both remain true? Surviving siblings want to hear our siblings, names, share their stories, so they are not forgotten. And we too are not forgotten in our grief.
When I started to work on the memoir, I jotted down a list of words for potential chapter headings. I knew chapter one to be the Celebration of Sisters fundraiser. And I initially broke the book into three sections – Awareness, Forgiveness, and Celebration.
I jotted down an initial list of words for each category. For Awareness: caring, not alone, what about me, unleash the silence, and uncover; Forgiveness: sadness, regrets, digging deep, rediscovery, rebuilding, and hard work; Celebration: enlightenment, peace, memories, joy, honoring, resilience, and giving back.
Grief Evolves, Hope Arrives
The list of words applies to my grief, grief process, and lessons learned. If I chose the top five from the list that resonate today: honor/giving back, forgiveness, loss, memory, and not alone.
The two pieces that are the most difficult to wrestle with are forgiveness for not doing the grief work sooner. Trying to make peace with regrets is something I work hard to do; my brain and heart are not in sync. The loss of my beloved sisters will have a permanent hole in my heart, and the grief will remain a part of me. Today I understand grief that I did not at age twenty-five and thirty-three when I lost Margie and Jane.
Do you have a list of words/feelings about your grief? I think today I will make a new list and see where it leads me. Margie and Jane, I will always love you.
Read more from Judy Lipson on Open to Hope: https://www.opentohope.com/selecting-songs-…honor-loved-ones/
Purchase Judy Lipson’s book at https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608082679/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0
