Have you ever thought about what life would be like if your child had not died? I have, I do, I almost live every minute thinking of my son. I’m sure most parents who have lost a child have them constantly in their minds. The question, then, really is: Does it consume your every moment? Awake or asleep?
Almost everywhere I go or anything I do, I imagine my precious Connor by my side. I picture him walking along the river with me each morning as I walk a two-mile stretch with a friend of mine. Her three kids join us, and I picture what I would be doing if Connor was by my side.
I imagine he’d be getting into everything, throwing rocks in the river, pointing out the snakes, birds, fish, ducks, and other wildlife along the trail, tossing leaves over the bridges only to run quickly to the other side and see it floating along, all the while making me nervous he would fall and scrape his knees.
Does it hurt, thinking of these things? Of course it does. Does it hurt enough that I want to stop the pictures in my mind? Definitely not. Part of who I am and who I have become is a direct result of the pain I have suffered in the loss of my son.
I would not trade the pain, because that would not make me as close to my reality as I am. It would not allow me to focus on what is important. I would not be as kind-hearted or open to help others. Would I trade everything I have–even my own life–to have my son back here on earth? You bet; no hesitation.
I believe these are healthy emotions and daydreams, so long as they don’t consume or make me a recluse. There is no harm in wishing about what would have been, unless we can’t function in our daily lives, contribute to society in a healthy way, or complete daily tasks that benefit ourselves. If it does, that is the point where we need to get help.
Help can come in many forms. For some, it involves talking with a counselor, joining a support group, listening to others that share similar situations, or maybe even just talking with someone about how we feel. Whatever works for you, DO IT! Don’t suffer in silence, don’t let your world without your child consume you and make you a person your child or yourself would not be proud of.
Everything I do, everywhere I go, everyone I associate with, I carry my son with me. It may not be physically, but within my mind–he is real and he exists. In my book, Too Precious For Earth, I discuss the different thoughts I have about being with my son again. Simply writing down your thoughts can be very powerful and helpful.
Always remember you are the parent of a divine angel, one who loves you and will be with you again someday when the time is right. Daydreaming about the times you would have had if your child hadn’t died may be bittersweet, but it is also healing, heartwarming, and rewarding.Tags: grief, hope