By Gloria Lintermans —

My father is dying of cancer. He will be gone before Father’s Day, having spent 93 years in a world of snow-balling change. A huge person in my life, I don’t know how to say good-bye. Experience doesn’t help. My mother died two years ago, my husband almost seven. Loss, I guess, is something we never get “right”.

Of one thing I am sure, while we think we can prepare for loss, truly this preparation can be only intellectual; we fool ourselves if we think we can prepare emotionally.

There is much I have learned and am grateful for from my father: my strong work ethic, my sense of fair play, and a keen sensitivity when dealing with others. Never his favorite child of my two siblings, I’ve learned to try harder; if one looks especially hard, you’ll see the letters “TENACITY” emblazed across my chest and an almost invisible cape flying behind in the wind.

After years of head-butting, the last half-dozen have finally been tender ones for us as we’ve — or perhaps I’ve — grown patient with his needs and foibles and appreciative of his intelligence and wit. Yes, I will miss him. I will miss his laughter at a shared joke, a surprise ah-ha moment when I realize, once again, how smart he is in the ways of the world.

Yet I will, I think, welcome the freedom from ongoing doctor appointments, trips to the ER, and late night phone calls when he’s just lonely and needs to connect — just when I’m ready to tune out from the world and relax.

So many layers to my feelings are confusing. Perhaps acceptance is the key. Not acceptance of his death, for that is inevitable, but of the day-to-day business of feelings that are at times contradictory and confusing. For it is there where I will find peace.

Biography:

Los Angeles-based Gloria Lintermans is a former internationally syndicated columnist. Her column appeared in English and Spanish language newspapers across the U.S. from Hawaii to New York, and worldwide from Saudi Arabia to South America.

Lintermans is the author of  THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter, (Champion Press, 2006), THE HEALING POWER OF LOVE: Transcending the Loss of a Spouse to New Love (Champion Press, 2006), CHEAP CHIC: A Guide to LA’s Resale Boutiques (1990), the ultimate guide to recycled fashion, and forerunner of RETRO CHIC: A Guide to Fabulous Vintage and Designer Resale Shopping in North America & Online (Really Great Books, Los Angeles, 2002) and THE NEWLY DIVORCED BOOK OF PROTOCOL, (Barricade Books, New York, 1995). A freelance writer, she has also written for national and local magazines.

Lintermans is a member of The Authors Guild, Inc., the National Society of Newspaper Columnists and A.F.T.R.A. (American Federation of Television & Radio Artists). Lintermans lives in Los Angeles.

http://www.glorialintermans.com/

Tags: grief, hope