I’m tired of starting the day without you. I’m tired of waiting for the call that never comes. I’m tired of coming home to an empty house. I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of having no one to tuck in at night. I’m tired of seeing happy families. I’m so tired of feeling alone. I’m so tired of hearing this too shall pass. I’m just so tired of my life.

When someone we love dies, we are left to endure so many things. Their death is the big obvious one but slowly we begin to realize there is so much more….like the thousand and one reminders that they died each time we return for the first time to a place or experience we once shared together.

We also have to endure the ridiculous things, no matter how well-intention, that people say to us. Those things that only make us feel more alone and less understood.

Everyone around us still seems to have places to go and things to do, while our world has either stopped or spun completely out of control. We no longer understand people’s need to hurry. What are they hurrying to? Their own death? We no longer have the energy or desire to hurry. Time for us has changed with the death of our loved one.

In time, when our broken hearts have begun to mend though we may still be “tired of” we may also say…I am so glad for every day we had. Thinking of you makes me smile. I feel your presence with me everywhere.

I know now that death cannot really take you from me. I will live in ways to make you proud. I’m not so tired now. Life is good. Let me live.

Deb Kosmer 2011

Deb Kosmer

Deb Kosmer

Deb has worked at Affinity Visiting Nurses Hospice for ten years, the first two as a hospice social worker and the last eight as Bereavement Support Coordinator supporting families before and after the death of their loved ones. She provides supportive counseling, developed and facilitates a variety of grief support groups, including a well-attended group for men only as well as other educational events. Deb received her Bachelor’s degree in Social Work from UW-Oshkosh and her Master’s degree in Social Work from UW Milwaukee. She received her certification in Thanatology through ADEC. Her writing has appeared in New Leaf Magazine, We Need Not Walk Alone, Living with Loss, Grief Digest, numerous hospice publications and EAP publications. Some of her poetry on death and dying will be included in a college textbook for social workers in end of life soon. New Leaf has also used some of her poetry for a line of sympathy and anniversary of death cards. On a personal level, Deb's 14-year-old son died after being struck by a car. Her 31-year-old sister had died in a car accident eight months earlier, and her 56-year-old father died from a heart attack exactly three years before. These three unexpected deaths within three years started Deb on a journey she never wanted to be on and she learned first-hand the importance of having the help and support of others. In the years since, she has experienced other losses, the most recent being the unexpected death of her 44-year-old step-daughter who died from complications three months after routine surgery. Deb's passions are writing, reading, education, nature, and family. She is currently working on a book of her grief poetry. She recently moved with her husband to Waypost Camp, Hatley WI. Her husband accepted a job there as Property Manager and his position allows them to live on-site with acres of woods and a lake. She anticipates the quiet beauty to be a strong catalyst for writing.

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