I’m tired of starting the day without you. I’m tired of waiting for the call that never comes. I’m tired of coming home to an empty house. I’m tired of sleeping alone. I’m tired of having no one to tuck in at night. I’m tired of seeing happy families. I’m so tired of feeling alone. I’m so tired of hearing this too shall pass. I’m just so tired of my life.
When someone we love dies, we are left to endure so many things. Their death is the big obvious one but slowly we begin to realize there is so much more….like the thousand and one reminders that they died each time we return for the first time to a place or experience we once shared together.
We also have to endure the ridiculous things, no matter how well-intention, that people say to us. Those things that only make us feel more alone and less understood.
Everyone around us still seems to have places to go and things to do, while our world has either stopped or spun completely out of control. We no longer understand people’s need to hurry. What are they hurrying to? Their own death? We no longer have the energy or desire to hurry. Time for us has changed with the death of our loved one.
In time, when our broken hearts have begun to mend though we may still be “tired of” we may also say…I am so glad for every day we had. Thinking of you makes me smile. I feel your presence with me everywhere.
I know now that death cannot really take you from me. I will live in ways to make you proud. I’m not so tired now. Life is good. Let me live.
Deb Kosmer 2011