I Have Lost 2 Sons, a Brother and My Mother. What Do I Do Now?

My youngest son, Chad 17 died in and auto wreck on 1-1-04 at age 17, his older brother was all that held me together. Chuck turned 20 that year, we just hung on to each other. I made him leave me and go to college one week after the funeral. We take everyday. Then 2-12-2006 I got the next horrible phone call telling me Chuck was dead. Now I just don’t know what to do. I CAN’T get over it. I was getting a little better and then on July 6th my brother died and on july 7 my mom died. I want to quit. But you know NOTHERING EVERY WILL HURT ME LIKE THE DEATH OF MY BOYS.? What do I do now? They were my future and that’s all gone.

Dear Donna,

Our hearts go out to you. The loss you have sustained with the death of your two sons, your brother and your mother is vast and we understand how empty your life must feel right now.

We encourage you to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself all the time you need to grieve. And we also encourage you to surround yourself with others who understand.? It might help to find a grief counselor to assist you because no one should have to face such big losses by herself.? We also recommend that you see if there is a group of The Compassionate Friends in your area. Each member of this group has lost a child and each has grieved in her own time and her own way. They understand the pain of losing a child and they will walk this path with you. You can find their site at? http://www.compassionatefriends.org/? However, we understand that groups are not for everyone.? If groups are not for you we recommend that you reach out to your family, church, and friends for support. We have found that the load of grief is lighter when it is not carried alone

We invite you, too, to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart? You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com? You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/

We are glad that you found The Grief Blog and we hope that you find help and comfort here. We are posting your letter because we know it will help others who also have lost loved ones. We encourage you to check back. Our visitors are very loving and compassionate people who often reach out to help each other. You may find comments at the bottom of this entry in the days to come.

Our blessings,

Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley

The Open to Hope Community

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  • I am so sorry for all of your losses. I lost my only child but I cannot imagine losing two children. Like you, I have lost everyone else. I do have one sister with whom I am not very close. She was there for me when Alicia died but has grown more distant over the year. I lost my dad in 1997…and I was never the same. And then in 2003, I lost my mom. I was there when she died. And I was blessed to watch her cross over. I PROMISE you that she went to someone! What a wonderful gift of hope! She was SO happy! And about a week after Alicia died, she “came to me”. She was concerned about my sadness and wanted me to be better. She showed me the joy she was having where she is. And then she went one step further. She let me FEEL her joy! I cannot even begin to descrbe the feeling! I know your sons are experiencing that same joy! And while we miss them so, know that our children are safe and very happy. That helps me to get through each day. We have to continue to walk on..one little step at a time. Sometimes it is simply one moment at a time. I know the feeling of giving up. But know that I am here for you…and will help you on your grief journey. Together we walk on this journey..and we will hold each other up when we need to. I cannot find any words to take away your pain. Just know that I do understand it..snd sometimes that is all we can do..and it is enough. Take my hand and I will help you on this grief journey. Together we will make it…one little step at a time. And when it is our time, our children will be SO proud of us! Praying for peace for you. Gentle hugs! Love, lana
    My email is [email protected]. Please feel free to contact me.

  • dianne says:

    i just lost my 23 yr old daughter in a tragic auto accident on Oct 6 07. I feel so empty inside. She was my only daughter and she was my only and best friend. She left behind a 10 month old baby girl. I pray and pray and promise her over and over that i will do my very best to raise Kayla to be as wonderful and happy as Lisa always was. Still, the emptiness is overwhelming.