Loss of a Family Member

After Loss of a spouse

Find hope and support by reading, listening and watching stories of spouse loss and recovery.

Articles

  • Open to hope

    From Married to Widowed: Can You Know How I Feel?

    Posted on June 14, 2021 - by Gary Sturgis

    From Married to Widowed Shortly after the death of my spouse, I was filling out a form at the bank. One of the questions was what my “status” was. In the past the answer was “married,” but now I was being asked to check the “widowed” box. I could not bring myself to check the “single” box because in my heart I had not yet gone from married to widowed. So, I did what any normal griever would do in that situation: I started to cry. The teller asked me if I was okay. Did I need anything? The response […]

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  • ‘Why Me?’: Surviving Partner Loss

    Posted on June 14, 2021 - by Gary Sturgis

    Daily Reminder of Surviving Partner Loss   I was at the post office picking up the mail a couple of weeks after my loss. It was always such a painful experience since Rob was dead but continuing to get mail. Each envelope and package addressed to him was a gentle reminder of my loss.   An elderly neighbor came in and told me how sorry she was for my loss. She said, “Don’t worry about it. You’re young. You’ll meet someone else.” At the time I was still so raw in my grief and could not imagine such a thing […]

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  • What to Do With a Loved One’s Possessions

    Posted on May 21, 2021 - by Rachel Kodanaz

    Definition of Loved One’s Possessions Until Rod’s passing, I was unaware of the true significance of a personal possession – something belonging just to you, something that doesn’t have meaning to anyone but you. The night I learned of Rod’s death, I returned home from the hospital to the house we shared as a family. The realization that he was never coming home took my breath away. In a rage of anger, I grabbed his toothbrush and threw it violently across the room. I was so angry that he had passed, leaving me with such uncertainty. Of course, his untimely […]

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  • Tips for Dealing with a Spouse’s Belongings

    Posted on May 1, 2021 - by Peggy Bell

    A difficult task to tackle after losing your spouse is dealing with the spouse’s belongings: what to keep and what to give away. It is such an emotional decision. You may have feelings of guilt and sadness that are overwhelming.  Even though they are no longer with us, you may feel that you are intruding on their privacy by going though their personal belongings. Remember grief has no timeline and neither does this task. Do not feel pressured into doing something you do not feel ready to do. If you are pressured into it by others then you may also […]

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  • TCF Keynote

    Finding Hope After Spouse Loss

    Posted on March 14, 2021 - by Gloria Horsley

    Hard to believe it has been five months since my husband Phil, passed away of a staph infection post back surgery.  Phil loved Open to Hope and all the wonderful people we have spent time with since the death of our son, Scott in 1983. As I like to say I have talked the talk of helping the bereaved find hope and now I am again walking the walk.  You may wonder if being a part of the grief world has helped me during my loss and I would say a definite “yes”.  I have learned a lot from our […]

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  • Valentine’s Question: When Should I Start Dating Again?

    Posted on February 11, 2021 - by Bob Baugher

    Excerpt from the book Surviving Widowhood: Suggestions from Widowed People to You for Coping with the Death of Your Husband, Wife or Partner by Elaine Eggebraaten, John Hanson, Lori Keller, Tally R. Reynolds, Suzan Styer, Bob Baugher & Margarita Suarez. Available at Amazon. Making a Decision to Date or Not to Date For those of you early on in your grief, the word “dating” may seem a strange, perhaps even cruel term. You might be saying, “Why would I even consider dating someone when I still feel married? Why would I consider letting someone into my life when my life is so confusing right now?” […]

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  • Cooking with Love: My First Valentine’s Day After My Husband’s Death

    Posted on February 11, 2021 - by Linda Freudenberger

    He Was a Chef My husband used to say, “I cook for a living, but you cook with love.”  When our girls were 4 and 6, I decided to make a gourmet five course dinner to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but of course since he was a chef, he had to work on Valentine’s Day, and the fancy dinner was on a different night. The girls did not like the fancy new potatoes with sour cream and caviar that I prepared for the appetizer. They did not understand the concept of a meal served in segments or courses. They wanted to […]

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  • Assembling My Grief Survival Kit: What’s In Yours?

    Posted on January 15, 2021 - by Harriet Hodgson

    My husband died two weeks ago, but I had been preparing for his death a long time. I was my husband’s caregiver and watched him summon courage when he learned he was paraplegic. I watched him adapt to failing health and make the most of each day. I watched him and learned from him. Hundreds of times, he said, “I love you to eternity,” and I loved him the same way. I continue to feel his love and it gives me strength. During 63 years of marriage we were a couple and now it was just me, flying solo. What […]

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  • Writing Happy Holiday Memories

    Posted on December 23, 2020 - by Linda Freudenberger

    I wrote this story as a happy Christmas memory…it especially holds true since my husband passed in 2017.  I found a Charlie Brown-like tree: pitiful, sparse, complete with Charlie, Snoopy, Lucy, Linus and Schroeder at the piano ornaments on it. This is my new Christmas tradition since it is too difficult both physically and emotionally to put a tree with all the memories of past Christmases. This one is enough to bring me joy.  A Charlie Brown Christmas “Babe, we’re going to have to cut back a lot this Christmas. Just found out from HR that we will have to […]

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  • Change: The Unwanted Gift

    Posted on December 19, 2020 - by Bernie Siegel

    “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly. ” – Richard Bach Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 — To everything there is a season; And a time to every purpose under the sun;                                            A time to get and a time to lose; A time to keep and a time to cast away. My wife died after we were married for 63 years, but at the same time I still have her with me. What do I mean by that? I mean that her humor, beauty, love and spirit are still beside me and will never be lost […]

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  • Stages of Grief: Real of Not?

    Posted on December 14, 2020 - by Peggy Bell

    Excerpt from Life After Loss For Widows: Lifting the Veil of Grief You may have heard there are stages of grief we all go through. If you google it, you might see there are five stages. Another article may say there are seven stages. Still others say there are really no stages at all. Perhaps grief consists of emotions in no particular order and not everyone may experience all of them. Although I am no doctor, and I don’t even play one on TV, I choose to believe the latter. In fact, science is acknowledging that more today than they […]

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  • 5 Reasons to Still Celebrate This Holiday Season Even Though You’re Grieving

    Posted on December 13, 2020 - by Peggy Bell

    Sometimes after losing our spouse, it is difficult to find things to be happy about. In the early stages of our grief, finding anything good in our life requires coming out of the dark protective cocoon we have built around ourselves and looking for something other than sadness. We just don’t want to do that yet. With the holidays upon us and beside the spiritual aspect of the season, let us look at five reasons we should still celebrate, despite the grief we are experiencing. You had love in your life. The reason your grief is so painful is because […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: Reflections on the Journey

    Posted on December 8, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, which is available at: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time” — T.S. Eliot Imagine coming back from a long trip and looking around and really seeing what surrounds us – the furniture in our home, the books on the table, the art on the walls, the china in the kitchen. Outside, flowers are starting to burst through the soil, there are buds […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: Coming Home

    Posted on December 6, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, available at: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ “The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.” — Ivy Baker Priest I can see it now – a tiny spec on the horizon. I point my compass to my true north and with the wind in my sails, I chart my course and head home. As the land mass gets bigger, I have a new understanding of what “home” means to me. So with solid footing, I step ashore and […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: Adrift at Sea

    Posted on December 4, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, available at: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell The year of yearning, learning and finding my way again began on September 11, 2011, the day my son and I drove in two cars from Western New York to Western Massachusetts, fourteen months after my husband’s death. The first year after losing my husband is all a foggy haze – I yearned for my “old […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: A Major Loss

    Posted on December 1, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, which is available at: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson My life changed course on a sunny Saturday afternoon in May 2010. I was spending the day with my cousin visiting from Greece and had spoken to my husband on the phone mid-afternoon about dinner plans that evening. When I walked in the door, a little before 6:00, I called out his name, “I’m home, hon” – no […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: Love, Loss and Renewal

    Posted on November 28, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, which is available on my website: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ When we hear the word odyssey what images come to mind? A trip to a faraway place, a search for something, being gone for an extended period of time, a wandering as the Greek warrior Odysseus? (By definition an odyssey is oftentimes a long, excruciating and exhilarating journey, any extended wandering.) The odyssey metaphor seems like the perfect one for me because I felt I was “away” for a long time. The sudden death of my husband was […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope

    Posted on November 25, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from Navigating 5 Life Changes, An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope, which is available at https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ Preface to the Book A major life change has “an effect that is strong enough to change someone’s life.” (Cambridge dictionary). I have experienced five major life changes in a five-year period and all changed my life in ways I could not have imagined. First was the sudden death of my husband; second the selling of our home; third a corporate downsizing; fourth relocating to a new state, and fifth being diagnosed with a major life illness – cancer. These […]

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  • Navigating 5 Life Changes: Overview

    Posted on November 23, 2020 - by Mary Lou Meddaugh

    This is an excerpt from “Navigating 5 Life Changes,” An Odyssey of Resiliency and Hope” which is available on my website: https://www.creativecoachingmethods.com/ All Rights Reserved. First Edition. Copyright 2018 by Mary Lou Meddaugh My Odyssey is an inspirational self-help book in a memoir format. It is a personal story of love, loss and renewal through five major life changes and culminates in my coming home to the person I feel I am meant to be – my authentic self. My journey originates with the sudden loss of the love of my life, my husband. Over a period spanning 5 years, […]

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  • Soldier On: When Hope is Fading

    Posted on September 25, 2020 - by James Sesnak

    https://www.amazon.com/Soldier-James Sesnak/dp/1733872205/ref=sr_1_1?crid=28YNX3RJYSQO&dchild=1&keywords=soldier+on+sesnak&qid=1600520693&sprefix=soldier+on%2Caps%2C211&sr=8-1 “The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.” C.S.Lewis   C.S. Lewis’s memorable quote summarizes my life as I write these words. My thirty-year marriage ended when my wife succumbed to ovarian cancer. The initial surgery proved a success and the routine check-ups offered no cause for alarm. For many years the cancer simply remained a background noise and we lived as if nothing had happened. That abruptly changed when the last seven years of our life became a slow motion disaster. Cancer screamed in the background of every discussion but screeched even louder in […]

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  • Anxiety Over Fading Memories

    Posted on September 20, 2020 - by Bob Baugher

    This is an excerpt from the book: Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor by Bob Baugher. You can order it at: www.bobbaugher.com   One of the most anxiety-producing features of death is that we will somehow forget our loved one. We fear that, with the inevitable passage of time, the memories of our loved one will be lost like tiny drops in the ocean of thousands of memories. As the weeks and months turn to years our lives have become bombarded with new experiences and numerous distractions. Events and people have moved in and out of our […]

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  • The Awakening: A Widow-to-Be in Five Scenes

    Posted on April 16, 2020 - by Ginny Grulke

    SCENE I I awoke with a start; I had been buried in a dream, but a sound reached in and pulled me out abruptly. Was it a thump? Raising up on my elbows, I glanced at the clock. 2:34 AM. Very dark outside, a cloudy night with no moon. The blue glow of the digital clock gave the room an eerie tint. It is not unusual to hear noises in the night when you live in the country. Wind knocking over trash cans, tree branches falling on a roof, a, raccoon upsetting a planter. Occasionally a horse kicking the side […]

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  • Do It Anyway

    Posted on February 22, 2020 - by Allen Klein

    This is an excerpt from Embracing Life After Loss: A Gentle Guide for Growing Through Grief by Allen Klein. Available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Embracing-Life-After-Loss-Growing/dp/1642500062/ref=sr_1_1?crid=330F5I7PHDK96&keywords=embracing+life+after+loss+klein&qid=1579904828&sprefix=Embracing+lif%2Caps%2C219&sr=8-1 Life is risky; we are all acrobats tiptoeing over one bridge or another. To a tightrope walker the rope is just like home. Those who hold their bodies lightly and their minds simply may seem in danger, but they are safe. —Chinese scroll saying Recently I received an email from a woman who lost her young husband in a car crash. She said that with his death, her “life has not been and never will be […]

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  • Give Yourself a G.I.F.T. This Holiday Season

    Posted on October 31, 2019 - by Kerry Phillips

    The holidays are a time of togetherness and family traditions. It’s even been dubbed the “most wonderful time of the year.” But for many in the widowed community, it can be filled with grief, loneliness, and reminders of our loss. Once solid relationships with family and friends may have frayed throughout the year because our grief was too much for them to handle and our in-laws, one of the last few connections to our spouse, might as well be called “outlaws.” If you’re fortunate enough to have been invited – and accepted – to spend the holidays with loved ones, […]

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  • Recovery in Pieces

    Posted on October 31, 2019 - by Tambre Leighn

    It’s been many years, many miles, and many tears since the early, raw days of being widowed. The life I am living now is one I would never have recognized as mine when I walked down the aisle to take the hand of my soon to be husband. And, yet, it is of my own making. Completely designed and created by me with an incredible amount of effort, courage, and support from people who love me. Pieces from the Past Bits and pieces of the past are peppered throughout the life I am living without Gary. His artwork, a painting […]

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