My son passed away 9 months ago he was 23 yrs old. I miss him so much my pain is still so raw. I am a strong woman and I have stayed strong for my husband and two other sons. I have now been in survival mode for the past nine months. My youngest son went into a downward spiral of depression and started rebelling and making very poor choices. So I found myself putting whatever energy I could muster into helping him deal with his pain. My middle son left for college in Aug….and I had to support it when I just wanted him home felt like another loss but I had to get through that and did…. I feel like I have been on a roller coaster and I want to get off. I want to deal with my pain now for me and stop taking care of everyone else. That is what I do that is what I was suppose to do for my son. I could not save him I could not help him but I so wanted to make it all ok. He feel down the wrong path of drugs and he was on the road to recovery so we all thought and one night he was found dead at his computer he drifted off to sleep. His heart just stopped why why does a 23 yr old boys heart just stop. I am sorry I am just rabbling. I have not dealt with my guilt and anger and pain I have just been taking care of everyone and working and moving and moving and moving. I feel like a volcano ready to erupt. I so miss my son and want him for one more day……one more hr…..just to tell him all the things I hope new.