My son Daniel died on August 15, 2007. Daniel was packed, engaged to Andrea, and elated to be leaving the next day for Arizona. Andrea was to attend U of Arizona graduate school for French Horn for 2yrs. and Daniel had a job as a CNA (certified nurses assistant) He was enrolled for his first class towards his RN in geriatric nursing.After a successful fight with neruofibromatosis (tumors at nerve endings)he had a clear MRI and was going to pick up his two younger siblings 15 and 16 to spend the last day home taking them out for the day with Andrea. He was returning at 8am to pick them up when witnesses to the accident saw him lean to the right in his car, move into oncoming traffic, travel for a distance in that lane and then the car bolted at 60mph into a tree. There were slight symptoms of dizziness and leg tremors and stiffening in the 2 weeks prior to this. the dr.on emergence said he thought Daniel had a seizure of some sort. I will have the results from the NF clinic at Mass General the end of Sept. Daniel was 27 and moved through his illness stoically with a vision for himself that his was slowly manefesting. His joy and progress that morning was halted. I have returned to teaching, pouring my energy out to the ajudicated young men I teach, I am wounded and feel that the composure I had through the formalities of the post-death nightmare has begun to evaporate, leaving me angry with my husband and caught in a place I cannot escape, many others depend on my strength. I found your website by chance.
We are so very sorry for your loss of your son, Daniel.? It is so difficult to adjust to the death of your child, especially when it so sudden although nothing can prepare us for such pain whether it is sudden or at the end of a long illness. We want you to know we totally understand what you are experiencing and that you do not walk alone. We have posted your letter on The Grief Blog because we believe it can be a help to other mothers who have lost an older child. We urge you to be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time you need to grieve. There are no right or wrong ways to get through this and there is no time frame. We each grieve in our own way and in our own time. It has been less than a month and that is a very short time for the pain of loss to subside. Anger is to be expected and it is important that you find ways to let it go. Going back to teaching is probably a good outlet for some of it. Know that your husband will most likely grieve in a different way just as you will grieve in your own way.
Help and support can be found for both of you through a Compassionate Friends Group in Your Area and we highly recommend that you find one and attend to see for yourself how helpful it can be.? Each member has experienced the death of a child and each has survived and grieved in his or her own way. With this group you do not have to walk this path alone. For more information go to http://www.compassionatefriends.org/? You can find a local group as well as many valuable resources to help you along the way. There are also therapists who specialize in grief counseling who may be able to give you the support you need while going through this difficult time.
You also might find it helpful to listen on Thursday mornings to the radio show Healing the Grieving Heart? You can find information about it and a link to it on the first page of http://www.thegriefblog.com? You might also find a number of past shows that can give you help and comfort at http://thegriefblog.com/grief-grieving-death-of-a-child/
Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley