Give yourself a big pat on the back! You’ve just survived the holidays, one of the toughest times for anyone grieving a loss. Now you’re probably looking ahead and wondering how you’ll ever make it through the next twelve months. Here are five suggestions to help gently ease you along the bumpy road of bereavement:

1. Remember to keep any resolutions realistic. You’re not your usual self while you’re grieving, so be gentle with yourself.

2. Set at least one small, “bite-size” goal every day, such as tackling a couple of tasks. Be sure to reward yourself after each effort.

3. Think back to the person you were before you married. Can you remember any hobbies or interests that you might have set aside due to family responsibilities? Consider participating in those former activities once again. Local adult schools or community groups offer many opportunities to freshen up your skills.

4. Reach out to others more often. Make a new friend. While widowed groups offer the chance to meet others who can relate to what you’re going through, there are opportunities in your neighborhood such as clubs and organizations that can also be great sources for meeting people who may share other interests with you.

5. Consider all the self-imposed barriers you’ve put up over the years about what you can and can’t do. Now is the time to confront those old beliefs about yourself.  Slowly begin to tackle a few of the things your spouse used to handle, such as minor household repairs or cooking.

If you can put even one of the above resolutions into action, you’ll be giving yourself the gift of greater self-confidence with which to face the new year.

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Laurie Spector

Laurie Spector, M.S.W. (left) received her Master's Degree in Social Work from UCLA. In addition to private practice as a psychotherapist, Laurie has worked in psychiatric and medical settings. Inspired by the deaths of her father and brother, Laurie has counseled terminally ill patients and their families as well as conducted bereavement groups. Ruth Webster, M.S.W. (right) received her Masters Degree in Social Work from the University of Southern California. The homicide death of her teenaged son was soon followed by her husband’s death by cancer when Ruth was 45. These losses influenced her career choice to counsel the widowed and conduct bereavement groups at a major HMO for over 17 years. These mother/daughter psychotherapists are co-authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? A Clear, Practical Guide for Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies. The Revised and Expanded Edition of Lost My Partner was published in 2008.

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