By Nina Bennett –
I know all too well the devastation of pregnancy and infant loss. My precious granddaughter Maddy, after a healthy full-term pregnancy and normal labor, with no indication of fetal distress, slid still from her mother’s womb. She was a perfectly formed, beautiful baby, with every indication that she would survive delivery. But she did not. As you can imagine, our entire family was devastated.
It turns out that Maddy was one of more than one million babies in the U.S. to die in pregnancy or in the first few months of life last year. For a long time, this was a loss that was rarely talked about. Fortunately, in 2006, October 15th was officially designated Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (H.Con.Res.222), and is marked by each year by ceremonies, memorial services, and efforts to raise money for research and education.
When Maddy died, one of my responses was to seek information and support about this kind of loss. This added yet another layer of pain.
According to the March of Dimes, stillbirths occur in about 1 in 200 pregnancies. Each year in the United States more than 26,000 babies are stillborn. That means that every day, 71 babies are stillborn, 142 mothers and fathers return home with empty arms, and 284 grandparents are devastated and often unable to comfort their grieving adult children.
The medical-care providers are left shaken and mourning as well. Up to half of all stillbirths occur in pregnancies that had seemed problem free. The International Stillbirth Alliance reports that “unexplained stillbirth in late pregnancy is the single largest cause of death in perinatal life in the Western world.” And these statistics are only for stillbirth. This may actually be an underestimate, because there are no national standards for reporting stillbirth.
Imagine my family’s distress when we found out that Maddy would not be issued a birth certificate. My son and daughter-in-law were given the paperwork for Maddy’s death certificate, but no acknowledgment was made of the baby’s life. My daughter-in-law embarked on her journey of healing by becoming an advocate for legislation that would change this additional injustice.
Arizona took a commendable step by passing legislation in 2001 to issue a Certificate of Birth Resulting in Stillbirth. Since then, 19 other states have joined Arizona. Beyond the psychological benefit to parents, which is enormous, this legislation allows for increased accuracy in tracking and reporting stillbirth.
As a society, we have made great strides in acknowledging and supporting family members bereaved by cancer, which once was an unspoken illness. It is time for our society to take action to reduce the incidence of perinatal loss and infant mortality, to speak openly about the void left by the death of a baby, and to acknowledge the large numbers of its citizens who struggle to rebuild meaning in a life challenged by the most horrific loss of all.
Nina Bennett has 4 grandchildren, one of whom was stillborn following a healthy full-term pregnancy. She has worked in reproductive health since 1976, and was a childbirth educator for nearly 10 years. A healthcare professional and frequently requested guest lecturer, Nina presents talks and workshops locally and nationally. She is the Principal Investigator of an IRB-approved research study looking at how grandparents incorporate perinatal loss into their family. Nina is the author of Forgotten Tears A Grandmother’s Journey Through Grief. Proceeds from her book are donated to MISS Foundation/AGAST, and other agencies supporting families bereaved by the death of a baby. Reach Nina at Ninabde@aol.com.
Tags: grief, hope
