Open to Hope Articles
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Oxytocin Treatment May Help ‘Pathological Grief’
August 5, 2010
It has been two years and seven months since I had the misfortune to discover how effective the hormone oxytocin is in helping one cope with pathological grief. That was the same month I gave a little research presentation at the MIND Institute at UC Davis about hyperbaric oxygen in treating children with autism. It was through my work with children on the autism spectrum that I became adept at using oxytocin for treating fear and anxiety, but it took me over three weeks after my son passed from a train accident until I realized it might help me. Oxytocin […]
Where Is My Child and Is He Okay?
July 31, 2010
From the moment you become a parent there are two questions that become foremost in your mind: Where is my child and is he or she okay? Even when you are dealing with an infant who seldom leaves your side, you still get those moments. I can remember watching my babies when they were in deep sleeps to make sure that they were still breathing. Whenever I left them with a babysitter or at nursery school, throughout the time that I was separated from them, I would wonder where they were and if they were okay. I simply had to […]
Overcoming Sadness Essential for Venturing into Vibrant Future
July 29, 2010
No, I did not see Toy Story 3; but, recently, my wife and two daughters did. When my wife came home, she shared with me the premise of the story. As she told it to me, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. Similar to the bubbling over sensation when we uncontrollably belly laugh, I felt a strong sense that I was going to cry. After all, the story is about the boy, Andy, who has now grown up (from Toy Story 2 and 3) and is getting ready to leave for college. Apparently, Andy decides to take Woody with […]
Grief Lessons from the Wal-Mart Truck
July 27, 2010
I have used many analogies and metaphors to describe my grief journey in the seven years since my daughter Jeannine died. During my early grief, I frequently described feeling, on a good day, like I had been consistently pummeled with a baseball bat. On an excruciating day, it felt like two baseball bats were simultaneously pummeling me. As my journey has progressed, my analogies are not so much related to the pain of Jeannine’s death, but rather on what her death has taught me. Late last week, I was driving to a baseball game. As soon as I pulled onto […]
Parents Who Lose Children Become Survivors
July 19, 2010
I have had a lot of parents, new on this grief journey, ask me if the feelings of intense anger they feel over their child’s death is normal. My answer is yes, a resounding yes. It is perfectly normal and expected for one to have intense feelings of anger, bitterness, and a feeling that life is just not fair. It is also normal and natural, to feel singled out, like you are being picked on or punished because you lost your child or grandchild. After our shock wears off, we go through a denial and isolation stage. This really isn’t […]
Traveling to Planet Grief and Back
July 17, 2010
I am continually amazed at the choreography of the dance that I experience at The Compassionate Friends national conference, and the huge impact is has on my body, mind and spirit when I walk off the dance floor and return home. From spending 4 or 5 days on “planet grief,” we return home to the mundane realities of the real world and try to blend in with its preoccupied inhabitants who for the most part know nothing of our secret planet. They don’t wear buttons of a dead child pinned to their clothing; they don’t wear name tags around their […]
Daydreaming About Deceased Son: Healthy or Not?
July 16, 2010
Have you ever thought about what life would be like if your child had not died? I have, I do, I almost live every minute thinking of my son. I’m sure most parents who have lost a child have them constantly in their minds. The question, then, really is: Does it consume your every moment? Awake or asleep? Almost everywhere I go or anything I do, I imagine my precious Connor by my side. I picture him walking along the river with me each morning as I walk a two-mile stretch with a friend of mine. Her three kids join […]
Telling the Positive Story of Your Deceased Child’s Life
July 10, 2010
I have a suggestion for all bereaved parents to call up positive memories of your child. First you need to find a quiet place in your home with no distractions, sit in a comfortable chair and with pen and paper or on your computer, jot down a few phrases of every good memory you can think of related to your child. Make the memory phrases just long enough so it is clear in your mind. You may end up with 25, 50, or even over 100. They can be in any order of age. You can rearrange later. Make sure […]
Deceased Son Gives Mom a Sign She Can’t Deny
July 9, 2010
There are numerous ways to connect up with loved ones on the other side. While some people experience the feeling of a presence around them, others can hear thoughts in their heads. Most of us can catch a glimpse of our loved ones through our nightly dreams. All of these experiences are subjective. We can never prove them, and they are basically not apparent to anyone but ourselves. However, now and then our loved ones will send a sign that is actually viewable in our physical reality. Of course, you have to be open to it. You can step right […]
