Open to Hope Articles
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Anger is Natural After a Loss
May 13, 2010
Anger is a common natural human emotion following a death. Finding that you are feeling angry at the situation, at a person in particular, or just angry in general is understandable. Getting the anger out in an appropriate way can be a challenge. Traditionally, when angry, you may have been conditioned to “hold your tongue,” suffer in silence, when what you really wanted to do was to yell at the top of your lungs. As a young child, I was taught to hold my anger inside. It was not “lady-like” to scream, yell, or tell someone you were mad at them. […]
Father Takes on Mission After Surviving Death of Two Children
May 11, 2010
I grew up in a typical blue collar Midwest City where working hard and playing hard was a way of life. Men were expected to toughen up when times got rough and plow through them. There wasn’t room for weakness. When things became too much, you headed to the bar for a few hours. Nobody talked about what they were dealing with. My dad and every other male figure in my life lived by these rules. Since I didn’t know any better, I also subscribed to this way of thinking. I was also taught that if you wanted something bad […]
Mother’s Day Changes in Years After Child-Loss
May 8, 2010
January 22, 1979. October 1, 2000. As bereaved parents we look at those dates often because they represent our child. Thinking about this Mother’s Day, I recognize how the meaning of those dates has changed for me over the 9 ½ years since my son Zac’s death. For 21 years, that birth date represented a day that was not only etched in my memory as one of the best days of my life, but it signified the passage of time that added experiences, memories and events to a life that I witnessed. Of course, like every other parent, I never […]
Remembering First Mother’s Day After Daughter’s Death
May 7, 2010
Mother’s Day is on its way. You can’t miss it. There are advertisements on TV. Stores have big ads placed everywhere. The Mother’s Day sales are here. Reminders are everywhere. It can be one of the most difficult days to get through, especially following the loss of a child. I remember the first Mother’s Day after Sara passed. It was one of the hardest days to face. I felt so awkward. I definitely felt my heart was broken. But I also realized that I was still a mother to my surviving son, and I was still a mother to my daughter who had […]
Mother Describes Contact With Deceased Son
May 3, 2010
I have reason to believe that our prayers help our loved ones who have passed. Children have come through mediums to me and clearly expressed that our prayers are felt and appreciated. In fact, I have received this message from my son Daniel on three occasions, twice in a session with the medium Glenn Dove and once in session with the medium Roland Comtois! The first time I heard this message was in a reading with Dove on July 8, 2008, one week after Danny had passed. Dove said this: “I don’t know if somebody contacted a group that […]
Mother’s Day: A Chance to Make Son Proud
May 2, 2010
With Mother’s Day quickly approaching (in the U.S.), my thoughts become more focused on my son, Connor, and all children who have died too soon. Of course, Conner is always on my mind, but during this time of year, everything is so focused on motherhood that I can’t help but think of him even more. While traveling around giving presentations on child loss, and while promoting my book about child loss, I have had many mothers ask me the same question, “Am I still a mother if my child died?” My answer is always an emphatic, “YES!” Regardless of whether you […]
After a Child-Loss, Be Gentle With Yourself
April 29, 2010
Child-loss is so very devastating. In the beginning, you can find little or no joy. But after several months, I was able to feel some comfort. So I tried to zero in on that and do things that would relive my stress and bring me some comfort. I know my beloved daughter would want that for me. Today, I had a total Me Day, which I have really needed. I went to have a spa pedicure and manicure. I have always had regular pedicures, but never a spa pedicure. My daughter’s best friend recommended a salon for me. So I woke up today and […]
Despite Spring Thaw, Bereaved Dad Feels the Cold
April 27, 2010
The wheel of time can spin sunshine into a frozen shroud, making the heart cold and weary and the eyes reluctant to look upon the day. As the spring begins to unfold, I can see how degraded the fabric of my life has become. It is unbelievably frayed; in fact, it is completely unraveled. I still have the yarns that attest to how amazing it used to be. Although they are just tiny fragments of a continuous strand, each vivid memory is a testament to life’s former grandeur, the grandeur that preceded my son’s death last summer. Today, I can barely […]
Butterflies or Bull? Channeling Messages from the Dead
April 25, 2010
A few days ago, I went to see a performance by “channeler” Roland Comtois, when he appeared locally before a group of about forty parents who’ve lost children. I like to “suss” things out, as my son’s former nanny, a lovely woman from Derry, Northern Ireland, used to say. I’ll admit up front that I’m very interested in this sort of thing, but highly skeptical. My novels, including the two I wrote before I lost Michael, employ supernatural elements. My heightened ambivalence in this case stemmed from factors over and above my usual skepticism about all things supernatural, spiritual and/or […]
