Open to Hope Articles
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Continuation of Issues for Childless Parents
March 22, 2009
by Sandy Fox In my previous blog I spoke of issues parents have when they lose their only child. I spoke of “Am I still a mother,” “Do I need to make a new will?, and “Will there be any special events in my life?” Today I’ll finish with four other issues. First, “listening to others talk about their children and grandchildren.” My bridge friends talk about their children and grandchildren all the time. They have every right to. But do they really understand how I feel? Of course not. It’s never happened to them. They can never understand what […]
What Makes Pregnancy Losses Unique
March 20, 2009
by Irv Leon, Ph.D. – People who suffer miscarriages and stillbirths grieve over a baby they do not know. Understanding how these losses are different from other losses helps to appreciate the distinct way they are mourned. Here are several ways that pregnancy loss is unique. 1. It can feel less real. When you grieve, you typically recall the beloved with longing memories – his/her voice, face, treasured interactions. With pregnancy loss, there are no such memories to grieve. There is silence and blankness instead, haunting dreams for the future rather than memories of the past. This is why it is usually helpful […]
He Was More Than the Way He Died
March 20, 2009
By Debra Reagan — “My son died of a drug overdose.” This is one of the most difficult sentences I have ever spoken in my life. Every time I opened my mouth to speak these words, my throat felt as though it was closing. I wanted to be truthful about his death in the hope that someone else could benefit from this tragedy. I also felt I owed it to family members to be honest with myself and with others. Oh, but the pain was so deep and heavy. There were times I privately wished the cause of death had […]
Hello March, Goodbye Fear
March 17, 2009
By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP — Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged, it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about – our safety, our economy, our relationships, our health, or our future – fear can paralyze us without warning. Undoubtedly, sometimes our fear is a response to real and immediate danger. More frequently, however, fear’s stronghold is about our unexamined thinking as, “Oh Lord, it will always be […]
Unique Aspects of Losing an Only Child
March 16, 2009
by Sandy Fox When a parent loses an only child or all their children, we learn there are unique aspects that confront us. I will be listing for you in this blog and the next, some of these aspects of being childless. I begin with what I believe to be three most important questions: “Am I still a mother?” “Do I need to make a new will” and “Will I ever have any more special events in my life.” First, “Am I still a mother?” Of course we are. We will always be a mother, whether our child is alive […]
Noticing and Grieving Go Together
March 14, 2009
by Chris Mulligan Learning to “notice” during my first year of grief was more important than anything else in helping me survive my grief. It also provided me a major life lesson. I realized that noticing was the vehicle through which I have come to accept my life experiences as well as be able to move through them and learn from them. All the major events in my life — those that caused the most pain and eventually precipitated the most growth — have also caused me to reflect upon and recognize that the suffering was present for a reason. I always […]
Film Review: Rumors of Angels
March 12, 2009
Reviewed by Mitch Carmody — If I were to recommend a movie to someone who is processing their loss, I would suggest “Rumors of Angels” with Vanessa Redgrave. This movie is based on the book, “Thy Son Liveth: Message From a Soldier to His Mother,” by Grace Duffie Boylan. The story revolves around a young boy who two years prior had lost his mother in a car accident. He was with her in the car and she died in his arms at the scene. His father quickly remarried and they live in a small fishing village in New England. The […]
Film Review: The Door in the Floor
March 11, 2009
Review by Fran Dorf — This 2004 film honestly examines a marriage breaking apart after child-loss. Adapted from the first (and best, in my opinion) part of John Irving’s best-selling novel, A Widow for One Year, the film is set in the affluent beach community of East Hampton, N.Y., and takes place during one critical summer in the lives of famous children’s book author and artist Ted Cole (Jeff Bridges) and his beautiful wife Marion (Kim Basinger). The Cole’s once-sweet marriage has curdled in the aftermath of the tragedy of losing their twin teenage sons in a car accident, and […]
The Good Grief Club
March 10, 2009
by Monica Novak – I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. How could we? For Heidi, Tracy, Wendy, and me, it came with the words, “There’s no heartbeat.” For Dawn, Beth, and Darlene, the crushing blow was, “There’s nothing more we can do.” Miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death-these were things that happened to other people. Until they happened to us. Except for Beth and Heidi, none of us knew each other before our losses that began in 1994. One by one we were led to a monthly support group for pregnancy and infant loss at a suburban Chicago hospital […]
