Open to Hope Articles

From the Ashes of my Father’s Death

January 9, 2019

(Contributing writer Emily Kil co-wrote this article with her husband based on his childhood experience.) A 9-year old boy should be playing with friends, going to school, and making lifetime memories with his parents and family. Unfortunately, as a 9-year old boy, my life took turn down a pathway that should never have to be walked by a young child. Unfortunately, tragedies of different types impact the lives of children, sometimes with devastating and lasting consequences. I share some of my experiences as a child. My hope is that others will benefit from what I share – and may be […]

Dear Dad Letters: Father Figures

November 10, 2018

Dear Dad, It is hard living without a father to show the ways of becoming a man.  Mom eventually dated some men, but they either frightened or bored me.  One, a swarthy ex-boxer, bought me boxing gloves and a punching bag; but I was too scared to follow his instruction.  Mom said I had an “inferiority complex, ” a new phrase out at the time.  Another was nice.  He took me fishing, but lost his way in a morning fog, destroying my trust in him and manifesting my intense fear of death.  Mom eventually married him, as I’m sure you know from her laments to you.  He […]

Dear Dad Letters: Catastrophism

November 9, 2018

Dear Dad, Here is a neologism.  “Catastrophism, noun.  The unfounded fear that one’s life is about to meet a sudden and catastrophic end.”  I have lived all my life with this underlying fear. When the phone rings, I immediately assume we are getting news that someone has died, even though I have never been told of someone’s death that way.  But in a way the imagined phone call does duplicate the unexpected news of your death.  For me death is imagined to be sudden and unexpected. I sometimes fear that someone – a spouse, a stranger – might kill me in […]

Dear Dad Letters: #5 and #6

November 8, 2018

Introduction Dear Dad is the story of my life told in the form of letters to my father, Walter Michael Jaworski, who died of a heart attack when I was five and whom, therefore, I never got to know.  It is not a maudlin story of regret, but the tale of how one’s entire life — conscious and unconscious  — can be shaped by the defining moment of a parent’s death, and how my own fatherhood lifted me from a lifetime of pain. These are letters five and six. Dear Dad, Death terrifies me.  Thinking about the inevitability of my death leaves […]

Look Who is Coming to Holiday Dinner! What to Do When a Parent Remarries

October 22, 2018

When holidays come, grief can go haywire. Most everyone knows that. But what do you do if you are grieving a parent and your remaining father or mother is dating or has married someone new. How do you handle those holidays? Perspective and introspection may help you understand and cope with the loss and a sudden gain of what you may think of as a “replacement”. A new love in any context, including grief, is not a replacement. The displacement that occurs after grief can be so jarring and leaves many dissociated for a long time. There is no “right” […]

Saying Goodbye to Dad

September 30, 2018

I remember my last visit before Dad died in 1969. Mom called me at graduate school to tell me that he was quite ill (he’d suffered a stroke four years earlier) and had been admitted to the hospital again. She made it clear that if I came, it would be my last visit. Though incredibly weak, Dad, as usual, was glad to see me. Our conversation was minimal. Quiet time predominated. He seemed surprised at my visit, since I had visited him at home not long before. Yet, he acted not so surprised. It was as if he knew why […]

Continuing Bonds After The Loss Of A Parent: Interview with Brittany Trauthwein

September 8, 2018

At the annual ADEC (Association of Death Education and Counseling), I spoke with Brittany Trauthwein about continuing bonds after loss. Brittany is a doctorate student at the Chicago Professional School of Psychology who is writing a dissertation about continuing bonds after the death of a parent. In the video below, Brittany discusses how she got into this topic and why it was so important for her to write about it as her dissertation. Here are some key takeaways from the video: During the first year of her schooling, Brittany lost her father. That was when people started telling her stories […]

Greg Adams: Good Mourning

September 6, 2018

Greg Adams, LCSW, ACSW, FT is Program Coordinator for the Center for Good Mourning and Staff Bereavement Support at Arkansas Children’s Hospital. Greg is also an adjunct professor in the University of Arkansas-Little Rock Graduate School of Social Work and currently serves as Chair of the Credentialing Council for the Association of Death Education and Counseling. https://media.blubrry.com/open_to_hope_1/www.opentohope.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Greg-Adams-Good-Mourning.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Dear Dad: Letters to a Man I Never Knew

August 26, 2018

Introduction Dear Dad is the story of my life told in the form of letters to my father, Walter Michael Jaworski, who died of a heart attack when I was five and whom, therefore, I never got to know.  It is not a maudlin story of regret, but the tale of how one’s entire life — conscious and unconscious  — can be shaped by the defining moment of a parent’s death, and how my own fatherhood lifted me from a lifetime of pain. Letters 2-4 Dear Dad, I don’t know who you are, and so, I don’t know who I am.  They tell […]